Tag: oscar

Aug 20 2025 August 20, 2025 August 21, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Man…I’m SO glad I didn’t have “helicopter parents”. I’m so glad I wasn’t raised by an iPad or constantly doomscrolling on a smartphone. I didn’t have either of those things until my 20s & 30s. I pretty much went wherever I wanted within walking distance, either alone or with a friend. I didn’t have an adult looming over me all the time. I feel like older millennials (aka Xennials) were the last ones to be raised like that. Sure, the internet popped up in 1993 and dad has had computers since the 80s, but my face wasn’t constantly in the screen. Raised normally but with a small side of tech. Most people didn’t even have what we had! I miss role playing X-Men with my friend in 95f heat, getting what was probably heat exhaustion, then going inside, getting a drink and some Cheetos snd plunking down to watch Gumby. Weird choice I know lol. I am so freaking glad social media didn’t exist until my early 20s. Unless you count MySpace. I was 19 when I got my account. Nostalgia be hittin’ hard lately. I guess it gets worse after you hit 40.

Ugh I’m so tired…I’m going to have to take a nap.

Oh, I should mention that Oscar is doing better. He’s not isolating and totally ignoring me anymore, and has started to jump up on my chair again. I’m so happy. I was so worried, I mean I’m still worried and am getting him to the vet, but I feel more at ease.


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Aug 14 2025 August 14, 2025 August 14, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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My credit score went back up to 730, I found $150 I didn’t know I had on my credit card after finally activating it (lazy lol) which really helps me out, and I am seriously worried for my cat. Two good things, one not so good.

Oscar lost most of his ability to jump up on the counter or my bed literally overnight. Like one day he could, even though he had many incidents of “failure to launch” and fell back down. The next day, he couldn’t. He was able to jump over the edge of the tub whilst I showered, so that give me a tiny bit of hope. I have been picking him up to places he usually jumps to, and it’s just disturbing how he lost a generic cat ability overnight. I’m wondering if he suddenly developed hip problems. He has also been isolating himself from me, almost like hiding. He rarely comes into my bedroom to lie in the doorway like usual. I’m so scared somethings wrong with him! Anyways, he is going to the freakin vet asap. Also I need to get something to entertain him, particularly for senior cats. I don’t know what that would be….Guess I need to do my research. 🧐

Went out with Karen today. I got a much needed haircut (I can exfoliate my scalp now, yay!) and ate at Applebee’s. There were a bunch of people kind of giving me the stink-eye today 😳 probably because of how I was dressed. I haven’t had anyone give me THAT LOOK since like…2011 at a Walmart 😭 It was so weird today! 😅

My fingernails have grown ridiculously long and I just don’t feel like cutting them because I loathe the nail clippers I have. Oh well…it hasn’t made my hands go to sleep like usual, so…I reckon they’ll be loooong for a while lol. Lazy as fuck 😂

I can’t stand this fucking heat anymore!! I can’t go to the beach, nor can I even go to the lake beach since I can’t find the stupid umbrella! That’s the only time I don’t mind the heat, when I’m at the beach. This is so aggravating, where the hell’d it go??? I really want to go at least a couple of times before summer ends. No one wants to help me look for the damn thing either.


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Jul 24 2025 July 24, 2025 July 24, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I don’t think Oscar is pissing on my carpet. Thank God. Water leaked from the huge AC window unit when the maintenance guy moved it out. Mom came up with that explanation and it makes the most sense, and also hasn’t happened again. Definitely takes one worry off my mind!


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Jul 22 2025 July 22, 2025 July 22, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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First thing I did when I got home today was step on like three wet spots on my carpet. I called mom and said “uhh…did you spill something on my carpet…three times??”. She did not. I looked over at Oscar and wondered if he was pissing on the carpet now. Remember I said if I didn’t keep him out of the front bathroom he would piss in my laundry basket? I don’t know why he thought it was okay to have a wee there. I don’t know what else it could possibly be. I can’t smell anything weird, but I’m not putting my face down there to sniff it. I’m really worried about him. Is he going bonkers?? I almost understand the laundry basket because it’s a big plastic box and he might assume it’s another litter box…☹️ But carpet? Nah. I don’t know absolutely that it was him, I’ll see if it continues to happen. When Mister Hideki was near the end of his life, he went right outside his litter box. Ugh…that really freaks me out. 😣 I hope he’s okay and it’s something else, though I can’t think of any other reason my carpet would have wet spots. He really needs a vet visit, but I’m afraid they might say something I don’t want to hear. I have to save the money. I hope my buddy isn’t sick…

Man, I really only see the worst outcomes of just about anything. I should not do that, but I’m a natural pessimist.


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Jun 20 2025 June 20, 2025 June 20, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I feel like I’m sick…or maybe it’s just a heart attack 🤷‍♀️ Seriously, I got a stomach ache a couple days ago. It didn’t feel any better yesterday and my food intake for that day was two bananas. But today was unexpected and disturbing. As soon as I rolled out of bed and started to shower, the back and neck pain hit. Hard. I also have pain in my shoulders but it’s not my real concern. Oh, I forgot my sides. Around my rib cage . Felt like I was being squeezed. I’m worried it could be something unpleasant, I was told that when women have heart attacks, sometimes their sides hurt. It did make it a little difficult to draw a breath for a few minutes. I hope it’s a 48 hour virus that will peter out by tomorrow. Bleh.

I was watching local news last night and a man (who gave off serious grandpa vibes) did a crime segment. I love mugshots 🥴 He showed a couple, and the second one was a white guy with long, disheveled brown hair, a stache, and the typical “meth stare”. He paused for a few seconds and said “He looks like lieutenant Dan.” In the grandpa-est voice ever. I was deceased. 😂

Oscar might have to stop drinking from the sink faucet. He demands me or mom turn it on many times every day. He drinks a lot too, maybe about 6-7 minutes average. The problem is that he’s doing an insane amount of pissing. Today, it smelled SO bad I nearly puked. I have never smelled it that strongly. The pee pad was in a trash bag mom was taking out the door, and it left a freaking trail of ammonia scent and I was standing a decent distance from mom. I can’t deal with that. No, my apartment does not smell like cat piss all the time…just when the pee pad has to be changed out. Which is every day now. His pee pads used to last for a week! I don’t know why this creature is so dang THIRSTY, I really hope it’s not diabetes…

Maybe I’ll let him drink from the faucet once every day, and cut it off after a few minutes.

Man, I’m tired from the pain. I’m in my recliner now so it’s not so bad, but I fear getting up because of the severe dizziness. I almost fainted three times after my shower. wtf.

 


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May 14 2025 May 14, 2025 May 14, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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My breathing problem is worse today than it was when it first started happening. I’m glad I have a doctors visit soon. Something’s got to be done about this. I’m just…exhausted. Combine that with terrible allergies…I feel bad for complaining about other stuff because of the blessing I received from God pertaining to my terrible anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I just feel bad, like I shouldn’t complain because I was given that relief. I simply don’t feel well because of the breathing thing. It’s hard to deal with every day, and the only thing that gets it back to normal is writing something. I have to be intently focused on something. Watching tv doesn’t work because I’m not engrossed enough. I think it’s because I’m doing something physical, like typing. The problem is, when I eventually have to get up and do something, it starts again. I can’t just sit around making blog posts all night, I’ve already run out of things to say! I don’t know exactly what to do other than pray about it and also hope my doctor can send me to a specialist. Mom says she’s going to ask for a CT scan before she refers me to someone, so maybe she’ll know more specifically what kind of specialist to send me to. I’m glad mom thought of that, because I definitely wouldn’t have. She’s made a list of things to talk to her about. I am also pretty sure at least one of my toes is fractured 😅 I kind of did that to myself. The anxiety really got bad for a while because of the breathing problem and when I get sick (or just feel really bad) I abuse the hell out of my right foot. I don’t know why! I flex and squish my toes and dig them into things. When I had Covid the first time, it actually felt really good to do that. I have a low pain tolerance, so wtf? It’s like that pain felt good somehow and I don’t get that 0_o I don’t like pain. I’m not a masochist. But something about doing that with my foot….freaks me out. I don’t enjoy the after effects though. Lately I randomly cry out in pain because my toe sends a wicked pain up my foot, almost like an electric shock. It hurts really bad. I’m flexing and bending my toes as I write this. It’s a compulsion I can’t get rid of. I also have terrible restless leg in my right leg every night which makes the whole thing worse because I can’t stop moving it! I’ve tried the intense  stretches I’ve always done to ease it but those don’t seem to work anymore. It keeps me awake. There has got to be a way to treat that. Ramble ramble ramble.

I had to cancel all my plans today because I would have only gotten about two hours of sleep and can’t function that way. I was supposed to have bloodwork and go out with Kellie. I feel a little bummed about it, but I did have a nice afternoon with mom after I got some sleep. I have to do the bloodwork tomorrow. I also go out with Karen tomorrow so I hope I can get some decent sleep. I had been falling asleep pretty fast for a few mornings but my leg said “not today, bitch!” Haha.

Oscar is nuts. Coocoo bonkers. I know I’ve said that a few million times, but today when I took a shower, I shut him up in the chill room so he wouldn’t piss in my laundry basket. He decided to jump up on the dresser and knock a whole bunch of my jewellery off. He’s also now drinking from the brita filter several times a day. He begs me or mom (whoever’s in the kitchen) and we  feel bad and turn it on for him. I’m rewarding bad behaviour but I love him so much and don’t want to deny him things that obviously make him happy. I don’t know how many years I have left with him since he’s already an old boy. I want to make his senior years the best they can be, you know? I think everyone wants that for their beloved critters. I just don’t want him to get any crazier 😂

I got the pretzel crust cheese sauce pizza from little Caesar’s today for dinner and could only eat two slices. I also got some crazy bread and ate a few of those. I refused to get McDonalds again. The pretzel crust is my favourite thing about it but little caesars only seems to bring that particular pizza back every 30 years or so. I waited years to get it again. It’s like McDonalds bringing back the McRib and then yanking it away again 😭

I do wish I’d have been able to get up and go out with Kellie today. I’m feeling more regretful than earlier. I really wanted to go to Goodwill. I love talking with mom these days (for the most part haha, we still have minor tiffs once in a while) so the day wasn’t entirely lost. 🤗

Edit: okay I’m gonna cry. I got an email from Experian saying my credit score INCREASED. I go to the capital one app to check how much it increased, and it had freaking gone down 22 points to 690!!! My credit is “average” again 😑 In the Experian app, it’s 693 and described as “good”. I don’t know which to believe. I’m so disappointed, I don’t know what I did wrong. Why was I told that it increased? Ugh I hate this. “Average” is not good enough for me. I want it to be GOOD. Maybe even Excellent someday in the future.

This really bothers me too much…it’s not actually a bad score. It’s just that I finally got it over 700. I was so excited. 😞 22 points. What did I DO?


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May 06 2025 May 6, 2025 May 6, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Omfg mom got me a region free blu ray player!! She’s paying for it with Affirm at $14 a month. I’m fucking excited! I have wanted one of these for so long. I hate region restrictions and I no longer have to bother with them 😀 I always get so annoyed when I find something I’d been looking for on Amazon, only to see that damn yellow region warning sign.

WOO!

I thanked her profusely and she said she got it because she sees how down I’ve been and wanted to see me happy about something. *gets teary eyed*

Oscar is driving me batshit crazy. He’s jumping up on tables and counters for the sole reason of bulldozing through whatever’s sitting there and knocking it off. I actually got so aggravated that I yelled at him really loud. I feel bad about it now 😅 He’s just so damn rowdy lately. I had to shut him in another room while I showered because he’d piss in the laundry basket if I didn’t! He’s also become super intrusive into my space, he will LIE ON MY FACE if I let him. He tries. He also gets right in my face when I’m eating and I have to push him away many times, which I also feel bad about. This is one reason I’m getting a dog. He deserves a friend that could help him expend all that pent up energy he apparently has. He adored dad’s dog. I think he really likes dogs once he meets them and is around them for about a week. I doubt it would be like that with another cat, because he’s spoiled rotten and would perceive it as a threat. I think a dog will be great for the both of our mental health. I feel kind of bad for being out of the apartment for a few hours every day, and also that I keep the curtains closed because I can’t stand natural daylight in my apartment until dusk. Especially when I’m trying to sleep. Everything is pretty dark until I get up, which is usually around 2pm. Please note that I start trying to sleep at 6am and it takes a couple of hours to get to sleep, even with melatonin. It’s not because I’m lazy that I sleep until then. I always feel like I have to defend myself about my sleep schedule because people have been assholes about it before. I feel judged. Rant over! 😅 After getting up, I open the curtains and door to the chill room just for him to get some sunlight. I might start leaving the chill room door cracked while I sleep so he can get in before I awake, even though I don’t want the daylight creeping in and screwing up my nice, dark sleep environment. The only light is the living room TV, which never gets turned off.

I’m still very concerned about the change in behaviour. I don’t know what could have triggered that. I’ll always have unconditional love for him, even when he’s acting coocoo bonkers. 😆

I had McDonalds again just now. I feel ashamed lol. I have to stop doing this. It’s so unhealthy. Way more unhealthy than the stuff I usually eat. I don’t get enough calories per day to really gain weight anymore but if I eat that all the time, I’m gonna gain it all back. A quarter pounder with cheese, medium fries and a strawberries and crème pie is above the daily weight loss calorie limit. Why does it have to be so tasty? Why is everything that’s unhealthy delicious?? Why does processed food taste so good? I would love an answer to that question as I’ve been asking it my whole freaking life 😭

I’ve been listening to narrators read creepypastas for the past few weeks. I like the cosmic horror and space stories a lot, as well as religion based ones. They scare me the most. As for the space horror stories, they REALLY scare me, because humans have been putting signals and beacons out into the universe for a long time. I have always been terrified of aliens and the prospect of an invasion scares me shitless because they would be a lot higher on the Kardashev scale than we are. We aren’t even a type one civilisation yet! We’d be absolutely hosed if a hostile alien race decided they want our natural resources or something even worse. Or maybe they’d want to eradicate us for reasons unknown. I always pray nothing notices these beacons we’ve put out, and if they do, that they’re uninterested in our relatively primitive world. I like watching alien horror movies because they actually scare me. Same with clowns and creepy kids. I wish scientists would stop putting us out there, because something might answer, and it could be something terrible. That’s been on my mind a little bit because of the pastas I’ve been listening to. Maybe I should lay off them for a while lol


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May 02 2025 May 2, 2025 May 2, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Omg the Chinese restaurant I always go to is suddenly under new management. I went yesterday to get takeout but they were closed and there was a sign on the door informing us of the change. I told mom “they’ll ruin it. They’ll change the food or something even dumber.” She disagreed because it would probably hurt their business. She was dead wrong. Dad picked Chinese tonight and as soon as we entered, a lady stopped us and said “I gotta warn you” and I thought oh god, what did they do. They make you pay up front instead of after eating, and half the damn food they used to have is gone. We just left and had Mexican instead. I’m so disappointed, that place was my ultimate go-to. There aren’t any other Chinese buffet places around. I particularly liked that place because it was owned by the same people that owned Good China, my original favourite, until it closed a looong time ago. Unfortunately this place had a sanitation grade of 86. I wonder if that had something to do with the change in management. It was so good though. I don’t know if any other place would have the delicious buttery potatoes I love so much. I’m so disappointed. I guess the new people are determined to run it into the ground. 🙁 If they don’t change what they’ve done, it WILL close. People coming out of there were not happy. I wrote entirely too much about that, but I’m upset!

The Mexican place was so fucking loud, I got very over stimulated because I couldn’t hear myself think. My ears were hurting. The people behind us were SO incredibly loud, this one chick laughed like a fucking donkey and it was driving me coocoo bonkers. I kept hissing “Shut the fuck UP!” all throughout dinner which mom and dad found amusing. I was already having a very bad day, which I will get to later. I was honestly ready to get up and tell them to tone it the fuck down a little. This close. I was on edge all day and all afternoon. Almost blew my top in there. I am so grumpy when I get over stimulated like that. 😑 Just have some common fucking courtesy for other people and don’t be so fucking loud! Fuck!

Oscar has lost his mind. I am super worried, he really needs the bloodwork I mentioned before. It’s like a switch flipped and his behaviour changed drastically over the span of about four months. It started with him jumping in the shower with me. The first time he did it, I screamed so loud the neighbour probably heard. He hit my leg and I was NOT expecting him to ever come in there. He then made that a regular thing. After that, he kind of stopped laying on the bed next to me at night. He’s obsessed with lying in the doorway. He might jump up for a few minutes but he’ll go right back to the door. That’s not to say he NEVER sleeps on the bed because he sometimes does, but he always chilled beside me while I watch videos at night. After that, I noticed yellow liquid in my bathroom laundry basket. I did not put two and two together, because I’ve told you I’m not that bright. Mom said he’d pissed in there. I had accidentally shut him in there one night, so I figured he did it out of necessity. I was really careful not to shut him in there again. Nonetheless, pee has been showing up in the laundry basket. I even propped it sideways against the bathtub and he STILL found a way to piss in it. I am perplexed because I don’t know when he’s doing this. I shut the door when I come out so he can’t get in, but still, there’s piss in my laundry basket. He might be doing it while I’m showering. I’m going to have to put him in the laundry room when I shower, I guess. His latest thing is jumping up on the kitchen counter and demanding I let him drink from the brita filter for ten minutes. Every time I go there to do anything, up he goes. Everything I eat, he desperately tries to get at. He eats a lot but has lost five pounds. That worries me the most. His eating habits haven’t changed, but he’s losing weight. I love this cat more than anything, and even though he’s driving me crazy lately, I am so worried about him! 😣

I am going ahead with getting the dog. It will be good for both me and Oscar. He needs a friend. It might take a while because I don’t know how much money I need to save. I’m going to ask Kellie if she still has the breeders contact info. I hope she does because I’m not sure how to find someone who breeds golden retrievers otherwise.

I got a few raunchy comedies (Van Wilder and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, specifically) in the mail that I’d ordered off Amazon but I had moved the blu ray player into the chill room, and I don’t feel like going in there to watch a movie. I feel like watching something hilarious and gross lately. I need to laugh.

The only thing that got me to laugh last night was CrunchyCat on YouTube. Luna always cracks me up no matter how crappy I feel. There’s always one video of hers I go back to if I need a serotonin boost. Basically, if you feel like hot garbage, watch some CrunchyCat videos. 10/10.

Now for the depressing shit, which I shall put under a cut.

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Mar 07 2025 March 7, 2025 March 7, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I see my new peer support at one today. She’s not actually new, I had her back in 2020. I don’t know how I feel about it. Anytime I was ever in the car with her she had godawful contemporary Christian music on. It made my ears bleed. It’s her car, she can listen to whatever she wants, but I think she could consider her clients feelings a little more. She tells the other peer supports to not change their radio stations if clients ask. I don’t know why she has such strong feelings about that. It’s friggin weird. Maybe if I say it triggers me she’ll change it 😈 lol nah I won’t do that, but it would be funny because she’d have to. Remember that episode of South Park where Cartman starts a Christian band? That’s what I think of when I hear that music. 😅 I feel the same way about most country and rap of the past 25 years. Makes me wanna jam sporks in my ears.

Oscar now has a big bald spot courtesy of my overzealous brushing. I thought I was doing a good thing because he loves it, brushing is one of the only things he’ll sit still for. Now he looks silly and it’s all my fault.

The vet said she thinks he’s older than 10. He was supposedly about a year old when I got him in 2016. I was given his kitten picture (it was an awful picture, I still can’t believe someone would do that) that was taken by the shelter after he was rescued from horrible abuse, and I was told when it happened, so I don’t know how he could be much older than that. Sometimes it’s hard to judge how old an animal is. Same with people, at least for me.


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Mar 06 2025 March 6, 2025 March 6, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Oscar had his vet appointment today, and while there’s nothing visibly or obviously wrong with him, she said he needs blood tests to be sure. That’s about $250. I guess me and mom will split the cost again. I’m really relieved that he seems to be doing well, but he’s also lost five pounds. That was baffling to me, because I didn’t notice that at all and I’m very hands-on with my cat. He weighs 14.5 lb now but looks as fat as ever. I’m a little worried about why he might be losing weight, which is why I’m saving for his blood work. I have to know what to do for him.


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