Happy October! 🐈‍⬛🧡

I’m not sick anymore! I actually started feeling better the day after posting that last one lol

My house is stilll lacking storage. Shelf space, in particular. At the beginning of the month I’m going to get another 3 shelf unit and utilize the space on top so it’ll really be 4 shelves. I want to move the video games and art books into the art/game room which makes sense. It will give me more space in the living room. I’m doing a lot of cleaning and re-arranging lately.

I met my peer support from A Caring Alternative who is filling in for Jena (my regular peer support and good friend) while she’s on maternity leave today. I really like her. She’s a nice lady and we have some stuff in common. 👍 I’ll definitely miss Jena until she comes back though!

I’ve been sick since Monday night. Yuck. I don’t know if it’s Covid, don’t wanna know, but I’m probably going to urgent care tomorrow because this shit ain’t going away fast enough so I’m hoping they’ll give me an antibiotic. Enough already!

I did a lot of tidying in my art room. My desk was so full of stuff I couldn’t even use it. I used my mugs to hold markers and gel pens and whatnot, but even that wasn’t enough. I got more jars to use. It was pretty cleaned up but then I decided to bring all my game systems in and set them up in front of the little tv, so now it looks messy again lol. lots of wires. I’m happy with it so far, just gotta get more shit out of there and into the little storage building outside and it’ll all be good 👍 I got some string lights at hobby lobby a little while ago, I’m gonna have Denise help me put those up because I’m so damn short I can’t reach anything. It’s gonna look cool. This is also gonna be my movie watching and game room. I like small spaces for that kind of thing.

Otherwise, nothing else has really been happening except me waiting to hear back from Medicaid to see if they approved to pay for the surgery. I’m kind of on pins and needles about that. If they decline to pay, the lady who deals with Medicaid at the surgeons office said we would just address the problem and re-submit. I’m worried my doctor took shitty notes, she said that’s the number one reason they get denials. I don’t really know what kind of notes she took but I hope they’re good. If not, I’ll probably have to do the damn 4month diet AGAIN. I don’t wanna. But I’ll do what I have to I guess. Maybe I’m worried about nothing.


I’ve been so productive today! I woke up feeling like garbage but got over it. I went and bought a 3 shelf shelving unit and 5 shelf corner shelving unit at Roses, for my art studio. I got them all set up and put a whole bunch of stuff in them, the room looks so much cleaner and more organized. 😀 I tested all my pens and markers and threw away the bad ones. I also updated my fanlisting collective with a kick ass new Hellsing layout (by Mal of course) I guess consider that my Halloween layout!

I once again spent too much money. I bought all the Posca markers. 4 packs of different colors. And a shelving unit that I actually really needed. And books. I suck lol

But I had fun.

I also got the billion stickers I ordered off Amazon today. Yeah, I collect them. 😅

Gonna try to go to the beach next week 😊 Twice, even. I can’t spend money at the beach!

I’m gonna talk to my therapist about this 😅

Had my MRI yesterday, it was awful. I had to be there even before the ass crack of dawn. Which really wasn’t a problem for me because I like the dark, but I had to hear mom complain about it the whole way there, and it’s a 45 minute drive.

Got there, went to my room to wait for 1.5 hours. We watched HGTV to kill the time. Finally they came to get me, took me to the MRI room where I could hear it making that creepy chirping noise. Dude was like “I’m gonna give you some oxygen, take ten deep breaths.” That was not oxygen, he tricked me lol. Mom was in the waiting room for over 2 hours. What could even have taken that long, I do not know. I awoke, thankfully didn’t puke, and went to recovery. I really hope I don’t have to have another one for a long time. I know I probably have a lifetime of MRIs ahead of me, I just don’t want them to be so common.

I did not get to have my lip rings put back in, I’m having to wait. I think I’ll just try to do it myself. Watch me injure myself somehow. It’ll probably happen lol

Apparently I can no longer sleep on my sides. I unintentionally fell asleep on my right side last night and woke up feeling like every bone in my body was broken. I can’t even describe it. That’s how you know you’re fucking old. Haha

Oh, and Happy Spooky Season! I can go ahead and say it because September is basically October anyhow ;D

Woo, I get to go to the beach Thursday!

Tomorrow I have to get my lip rings taken out and have those little plastic things put in. I hate it because every time I have to change out the rings or put them back in, they get really sore. I don’t know if it’s a nickel allergy or what. They’re irritated right now because I can’t stop chewing on my bottom lip. It’s a stupid nervous habit. I might upgrade to titanium rings.

I have to be at the hospital super early Friday. 6:30 am 0_o I admit I do look forward to the heated blankets and grippy socks ☺️ Just not the whole pipe being shoved down my airway and sweating parts. Lol

Btw I talk about this mri so much because it’s the most important one I’ve had in my life. My life and independence rests on the results. My life could be ruined if I didn’t have it or the results aren’t what the Social Security Administration wants. I’m fairly sure I’ll be okay because backs don’t get better and I’m feeling a lot worse 😅 That’s awful but that’s the way it works.

I have an appointment with a dietitian and surgeon in September. I think they submit their findings to Medicaid and see if they’ll approve the surgery. It’s weight loss surgery btw. I haven’t really talked about it on this blog because I think I’m a little bit ashamed. Maybe I have, I can’t remember shit lol. I’m really ashamed I let depression get the better of me and ate like a fucking walrus for years. Do walrus’s eat a lot? Idk, I was trying to think of a blubbery animal. We’ll just go with a walrus. Yep. I ate like a walrus and got close to 300 lbs which is definitely not as big as some people are, but yeah. I’m down to 237. My biggest wish is for the diabetes to go into remission and to get off some of these freaking medications. Especially the ones that make me feel tired all the time.

Anyhow, that’s all I have to say today. Have a good one!

My singing absolutely offends this cat. I swear he acts like I insulted his ancestors. Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow! He will straight up get up from wherever he is and leave in disgust.

It’s freaking hilarious 😆

Anyhow! I went out and had fun. I went to Hobby Lobby and got an acrylic paint set on sale as well as one of the tiniest detail brushes I’ve ever seen. I also stopped by GameStop and got some used games, which included Elder scrolls: Skyrim because I’ve somehow never played it. Spent too much money lol. I suck at budgeting.

I’m going out to eat now, see ya!


I bought a sketchbook a while back and put all my cool stickers on the front, trying to encourage myself to draw. I finally opened it up and noticed that the paper is so incredibly thin 0_o like…why didn’t I check before I bought it? Duh. Also I don’t think it’s bound very well. Anyhow I’ve drawn two days in a row, hoping the more I do the more I’ll improve. It sucks having to basically start over again because I didn’t draw for sooo long and got extremely rusty. I figure I’ll just have to work my way back up to where I was. Everything I do is really janky looking and I’d never show anyone. Even I wince a little when I look at it 😅 The new, slightly expensive mechanical pencils did help though. The cheap ones are so crappy! I got a Pentech 1000 0.5mm drafting pencil and a three pack of 0.5 Muji pencils off Amazon. The Pentech 1000 was $7 by itself. I’m glad I got them even if they cost a bit more. Worth it.

I have my MRI soon. I think it’s next Friday actually. I truly dread it because I hate being put to sleep because I am allergic to contrast dye. It won’t kill me or anything, it just makes me so incredibly uncomfortable and sweaty the rest of the day.

Well, off to bed I go. I get to go out and have some fun tomorrow. I am now able to wear my cpap mask so I am hoping I will feel a bit better.



I honestly think that the friends I have had for 20+ years don’t give a shit about me anymore. I’m thinking of just deleting myself out of their lives. I don’t think they’ll care or miss me very much.

I am aware that I’m whining. This is my blog. That’s what it’s for. I just feel crappy about my friendships and have for a pretty long time. I’ve built up resentment towards some people and it doesn’t feel so good.

I want to forget about it. I want to make new friends and get on with my life. There are a couple of friendships I still value a lot though. I don’t know what to do about it because I don’t know how to talk to people anymore. /sigh

okay, bed time 🥱 g’night, internet.