Tag: etsy

May 05 2025 May 5, 2025 May 5, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

Ugh, this is the third time I’ve eaten McDonalds for dinner in the past two weeks. I gotta stop. I’m really gonna gain some weight back if I continue to do the depression “comfort food” thing. I don’t have the option of Chinese takeout anymore and there’s not much else I want for dinner. I’ve gotten used to bringing food home instead of cooking, but there’s nothing here I want to eat anyways. Meh.

I got my Sandman shirt with the Corinthian design! Never thought I’d see one with my favourite villain. I wonder if the Etsy seller designed it themselves or if it’s a reproduction of an old design. I saw a Death shirt on Etsy that has the exact same design as a shirt I got 20 years ago, which of course I can’t FIND anywhere…I think it’s pretty cool that they do reproductions of vintage designs that would otherwise cost a lot of money if you bought them vintage. I have at least 3 really old (20+ years) Sandman shirts and I can’t find any of them. Then again, I can’t find a ton of my old shirts. They’re probably worth a little money by now, but I wouldn’t sell them. Too sentimental.

Yeah, I know Neil Gaiman has been accused of some pretty nasty crimes, but we need to see if he’s found guilty or not. I try to separate the art from the artists in those cases, and I’ve unfortunately had to do that a lot. If an artist I liked was found to have abused kids or something, I wouldn’t be able to. That reminds me that I’m glad I never really listened to or became a fan of Lostprophets. Ian Watkins is a sick fuck. If a member of a band I loved did what he did, I’d puke myself to death. I checked their Last.fm page out of morbid curiosity and people still listen to his music.

I did a telehealth appointment with my psychiatrist today and she’s adjusting my medication again. Who knows if it will make any difference. I don’t have a lot of hope that it will. She did say she was going to put me on one that’s supposed to help with OCD, compulsions and intrusive thoughts. I really hope that one will do something…anything. If I’m being honest, OCD is the worst thing I have. It’s not just washing your hands over and over. There’s so much more to it, and it can be terrifying. People often forget the about the “obsessive” part. They gloss over it entirely and focus completely on the compulsive because it’s more visible. Okay I don’t want to voluntarily think about that anymore, gonna stop.

I saw a disgusting tiktok of this girl in her 20s doing what amounted to a fucking struggle session with her 82 yo grandpa. This man apparently paid for all her bullshit and she was calling him a “fascist enabler”. He sat there and took it, probably because he loves her for some reason. She complained that the dolls given to her as a child weren’t “diverse enough”. She complained about a lot of shit. This girl is a grade A cuntsicle. She went no contact with him, which was probably in his best interest. She did what my unhinged pos  “uncle” did to my mom not too long ago. I thought Mexican families didn’t tolerate this shit since they are all about family. I guess her parents weren’t around to chew her out properly. Both my grandpas are long passed away. I would adopt this man as my grandpa in a heartbeat. I would appreciate him. She’s going to look back on this and be really ashamed someday especially after he passes away, because I would consider that to be elder abuse. I can’t believe she had the balls to upload that shit to TikTok thinking people were gonna be on her side, even on that toxic ass app 😆 Oh, Gen Z…the generation gap is real as fuck and I feel it hard. Never thought I’d say that. As an older Millennial, I don’t understand them at all. Can’t relate. I don’t get their humour a lot of the time, or the (top 40) music a lot of them listen to. I’m not saying they ALL suck or anything, because I’ve met a few cool zoomers, but a lot of them seem to do really uncool shit that generations before them wouldn’t normally do. Not saying other gens don’t also do these things, but they don’t do it nearly as much. I’m really glad they’re around to take the heat off millennials though 😬

I am debating on whether or not to get this one shirt on etsy. I saw it and cracked up. Only problem is, it’s white and I don’t like white shirts. It’s a Scary Movie 2 reference. It says “take my strong hand” with a graphic of the butler’s shrivelled up little hand 😭 It’s my favourite of the Scary Movie series and that malformed hand always had me deceased. I might ask the seller if they could possibly print it on a black shirt. I gotta at least try, that’s too good to pass up.

I’m looking for a blu ray player for the living room. Mom was kind enough to say she’d help me out with it because I have so many damn Affirm payments every month and I definitely don’t need another one. That’s really nice of her. I wish to fuck I could find a region free blu ray player for under $150. Regions are outdated and silly. I want to be able to buy DVDs/Blu Rays from the UK because the prices are usually lower (especially on box sets of tv shows/anime), and they have things I can’t seem to find anywhere else.

I feel like I’ve been inching closer back to religion and don’t know how to feel about it. Part of me feels like I need it, and the other part feels the opposite. The heck is going on with my brain? 🧐 I started to lose my faith in Jr High. I had doubts and it tortured me because I was sure I was going to burn in hell forever for even questioning. It’s the OCD I mentioned earlier. It was an obsession. Ever since I was about 15, I didn’t have a religion, and anytime I try it again I never stick with it. I dunno. What’s a person to do?


Tags:

May 04 2025 May 4, 2025 May 4, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

Breathing is stupid again, so I guess I’ll write something to calm it. 😅

Some piece of human garbage in North Carolina set an opossum on fire. I wasn’t able to watch the news story about it because I didn’t want to be really upset, but I’m really glad a case of animal cruelty made the local news. People need to see that stuff. From the very little I saw, it seemed to have something to do with Animal Control. I kind of assumed an employee might have done it. They also recorded it on their phone. People are sick fucks, I cannot imagine why they feel compelled to do shit like that. My dad knew a boy in his fourth grade class who got sent to a reform school for doing horrible things to animals. He said this kid was a budding serial killer. Sometimes he pops into my head and I hope he’s either dead or in prison. Preferably dead. You know this dude has probably killed a person somewhere along the line,  because I think if someone has impulses like that, it doesn’t magically go away once they reach adulthood. Dad told me what this kid supposedly did a long time ago and I wish he hadn’t. I’ll never get that out of my head. Anytime his name come up, I’m like “nope, don’t want to hear anything about him. Fuck that guy.”

There’s a T-shirt I want from Etsy, but I’m suspicious that the seller is reselling stuff from Temu. I found the same shirt on Temu and also on a few other Etsy sellers shops. How would I go about asking them if they’re reselling or screen printing the shirts themselves? I don’t want to be outwardly insulting even though I think selling a $6 shirt from Temu for almost $30 on Etsy is unethical as hell and a really shitty thing to do. I won’t buy shirts from Temu because everyone complains that even though they’re supposedly 100% cotton, it’s made of a weird polyester stretchy material instead. I also hear that the design doesn’t last long. It’s a really cool shirt but I need to be sure the seller is printing their own stuff or has their own manufacturer or whatever and not reselling. I’m actually not sure if mass reselling from sites like Temu is against Etsy’s rules or not. Everything is supposed to be handmade or vintage, or that’s what I understood it to be.

I have actually been able to get to sleep the last couple of mornings. The leg and foot thing are still bad, but I’ve started getting it under enough control that it doesn’t take me three or four hours to fall asleep. Restless leg was SO bad when I was at the parent’s this afternoon. I kept having to get up to do intense stretches.

Me and dad watched videos on YouTube of stupid people getting arrested. Some of it was funny, but some were just sad. I don’t understand how people get themselves into these situations. Drugs, alcohol or mental illness? A combination thereof? The times I’ve been approached by cops, I was very quiet and said yes sir or no sir. Well, except that time in high school. I was 16 and pissed off 😆 They wanted me to leave my bag in the school yard while they took me inside to accuse me of stuff I didn’t do, and I said  “No.”,  jerked my arm away, walked back across the yard and got my bag. Hey, I wasn’t gonna let anyone steal my shit! That bag had some of my precious things in it. They were coming after me because of how I dressed. 😒 They basically said that. The campus “police” didn’t like me at all 😬 lol. Looking back, I find it kinda funny but oh lordt, it sure pissed me off at the time! There was this one security guy who hated me and my friend with a passion, for no apparent reason. Once again, it was probably because of how we dressed. He’d ride his fat ass around in his little golf cart and yell shit at us from a distance. We were confused at first and didn’t know why he was acting that way, but started taunting him back after a while. We called him “Butterball”. To his face. lol. He was SO mad, the look on his face was great. Wish to god I had a picture 😆 Good memories, haha.

My breathing isn’t screwed up anymore so I’m gonna take a short nap. Not that I particularly want to, but I’m tired.


Tags:

Feb 04 2025 February 4, 2025 April 28, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in ,

I took a coat I bought on Etsy to the UPS store and said “I need to send this coat to Pakistan.” and they were speechless. 🤣 Turns out it would cost me about $300. So what the fuck do I do? That’s more than twice what I paid for it. Etsy doesn’t really help when it comes to stuff like that. They just make you contact the seller, who I have been talking to a bit. I sent him a help message. I don’t know what to do about this. There was a huge snafu with my money this month (something that has never happened that I never expected and that may get much worse if it is what I think it is 😖) and Klarna has threatened to resume payments on the coat if I don’t give them tracking information, which I obviously don’t have. I’m panicking. I still can’t believe or even comprehend the money situation, but let’s just say it’s not good. This time I actually can’t blame it on myself. My banking app screwed me. I’ll never be able to fully trust it again.

Also my power went out about 15-20 minutes ago and I’m really worried. It usually comes back on within a couple of minutes. It’s getting darker outside and I’m afraid of the dark. It’s already dark enough in here with the curtains open. Please, please come back on. Please.

Listening to: Nosferatu – Darkness Brings

Appropriate song name…


Tags:

Feb 02 2025 February 2, 2025 February 3, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in ,

The person I bought my pop socket from told me what I’d have to do to switch the resin bat to the pop socket brand back and I can’t do that, so she said she’d make a new one for me with a 50% discount. I ordered it. I just want my cute little bat to stay on my phone! A real pop has never let me down. They adhere really well. Never get a generic substitute for something like that. You could end up with a broken phone. I’m going to keep the old one because I can’t just throw it in the trash. Maybe I could use the resin bat for something else…like a brooch or something.

Today is Sunday, so I go to the parents to eat. We’re having subs from my favourite place, yay! I asked mom to come get me earlier than usual because I want to spend more time at their house. I hate coming home though, because I start getting anxiety and feeling lonely. Oscar’s been ignoring me lately and that doesn’t help.

On a side note, I fucking HATE iPhone keyboards. I hate them so much. They make me so ragey. It comes up with the weirdest autocorrects ever and just inserts them. It gives me a really hard time if I want to go back and rewrite something. *punts phone across the room*

Oh, and since the socket fell off, here’s a pic of it:

Screenshot

Edit: I got Alice: Madness Returns for 99 cents on Steam. That game has such a cool style. Great deal, even for an older game!


Tags:

Feb 01 2025 February 1, 2025 February 2, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Custom Domain

Posted in

Got Etsy plus, gonna see if it’s worth it. http://horrorofbelladonna.com

Everything is still kinda ugly, I wish I could put it on dark mode or something, because that bright white page just ain’t doing it for me. It’s black on the app, but not on the PC. I hate white pages >_> Not only do they hurt my eyes, but it doesn’t fit the theme of my shop.

I’m feeling better than I was last night. I had a feeling of trepidation and depression. Probably the worst I’ve felt in a while. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Monday I think, and I’m going to ask her to revert everything back to what it was before. I’m going to keep taking provigil and ask her to up my Ativan or some other anxiety medication. Because I need it.

Mom spent some extra time with me today and we went and ate. I finally saw her upper chest and neck, that was something I did NOT want to see, and it was even worse than what my imagination conjured up. It was pure body horror. The chemotherapy cream she had to put on her chest for two weeks REALLY did a number on her skin. It was some Freddy Krueger shit. It basically killed all the pre-cancerous spots that she gets on her chest a lot and brought them to the surface. Our dermatologist said it should heal back to normal. She has to do this same thing every January from now on. My mom was a sun worshipper in her younger days. No one talked about sunscreen, it wasn’t really a thing back then. The big thing was tanning oil. People just laid there and baked in the sun, doing horrible damage to their skin and it’s no surprise that a lot of older people get more skin cancers and pre-cancerous spots. I’m really glad I never did that, mom always made me use sunscreen even though I fought it haha.

Sunshine is for plants anyways 😊


Tags:

Jan 31 2025 January 31, 2025 February 1, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

I think I found a 3D printer table with filament storage that I want. Problem is I’d have to add another damn affirm to my list of payments since it’s $150. It’s the only one with the right dimensions. But I kinda need it because I need my workspace back. Also, the filament storage is a nice touch.

Edit: I’m having minor panic attacks because of my memory being as bad as it is. I worry so much that something is seriously wrong with me. It’s been a very long time (almost two decades) since this started being a problem. I’ve always been terrified of dementia or Alzheimer’s dementia, because three of my four grandparents had some type. I know my paternal grandfather had Alzheimer’s while my maternal grandmother had vascular dementia. My paternal grandmother, I don’t know which kind. I saw what it did to them and gained what I would almost call a phobia of it. I’ve talked to mom about my fear and she admits my memory sucks, but she doesn’t think it’s anything like that, and sometimes people just don’t have a good memory. One of my peer supports years ago told me she thought it’s because I might not pay as good attention to things as I think I do. I considered that, and she could be right. I do have adhd and bad memory kind of comes with the territory…at least I read that somewhere. I can’t pay attention to anything for too long. I’m back and forth between different things all the time, kind of like I’m doing at the moment. Anyway, I had a few minutes of panicky feelings and felt the need to write about it. I remember having full blown panic attacks about this back in 2015 or thereabouts. It’s been going on a really long time.

I got the 3D printer stand. I had it mailed to my address because mom almost yelled at me for sending a heavy item to her house. I usually send things I buy to their house because I fear porch pirates, and they live in a hidden little neighbourhood up in the trees that no one seems to notice. I figure my packages would be safer there. Trust no one haha

I got some business cards made at VistaPrint for what I figured is a decent deal. I only got 50, as that’s the lowest amount you can get. I don’t expect to use up that fifty any time in the near future. I don’t anticipate getting tons of orders on anything, maybe some here and there, but we’ll see how it goes.

Here is what they look like, front and back;

Screenshot

Screenshot

I have some other stuff picked out on Amazon that I’m not getting yet. Spooky thank you stickers, black & white striped tissue paper, black mailers of differing sizes etc. I always had an interest in branding and packaging. I think things need to be presented nicely, and should match the mood of what’s inside said package. I had a whole Pinterest board for that type of thing but it’s archived now. It gave me lots of ideas.

Edit 2: my pop socket fell off two more times. I had a thought and checked my Etsy order and I had NOT ordered the Pop Socket brand back like I thought, I ordered the generic one, which is my mistake. She offered to mail me another adhesive back and I asked if she’d just send me a Pop Socket brand back, and I’d swap it out, and pay her the difference. I think it’s $10. I can’t risk dropping my phone and breaking possibly my phone screen or my adorable bat pop socket back. It looks like it could definitely break if dropped right. I’m actually having anxiety over this, which is ridiculous! O_o

Edit 3: I’ve just now decided I want to go back on my old medication because I am not well. Ever since changing, I haven’t been. I wanted to give everything a chance to even out but it never did. I’m actually a mess right now, I feel like I have been defeated. I feel beaten up. The anxiety is so bad tonight I’m going to have to take another Ativan. It’s almost like the Ativan in my meds 2 hours ago did nothing. I’m gonna go do that now. I can’t wait for mom to come today, I need to get out of here really bad.

Sometimes I hate living alone. 😓

Edit 4: I now realise I should have added “jackets & art” on the back of those cards. I can’t edit it now. Damn.


Tags:

Jan 31 2025 January 31, 2025 January 31, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Etsy shop

Posted in ,

Behold, my new Etsy shop, https://horrorofbelladonna.etsy.com/

It’s still pretty ugly because I literally just opened it and I’m going to change the icon. I have to get on my laptop to really be able to do anything with it. But there it is. If anyone reads this, please give me a follow! Some support and encouragement would be great.

Oh no, my pop socket just fell off. I pressed it back on. If it falls off again should I superglue it? 🙁 Edit: tried something I found on Google because it fell off again, now it’s back on…for now. I messaged the seller on Etsy and asked if they’d had any problems with them before. It’s official pop socket backs with custom resin art, which is so pretty, on the top. So it seems to be an official pop socket problem, even though I’ve never had one fall off before. Maybe I just got a bad one, seems to happen to me a lot haha

I just made all my monthly payments on Affirm that I have unfortunately racked up over the past 5 or 6 months. They showed up as pending in my bank app but now they’re gone and now I don’t know how much money I actually have. I fucking hate when they do that. I already paid my rent and subtracted that and this month’s bills. But still. Those affirm payments make a big chunk of what I pay. I paid off the bills on the other payment apps so I’m good there. I actually finished paying off two plans on Affirm, so that’s two I don’t have to pay next month. Mom owes me $26 for my Christmas gift (I’m paying, she pays me back for it) so that should help…a little.

I took a chance and got that black tank top off Amazon. It was $12. I think it’ll be fine because it’s high necked. I got a mesh top from Hot Topic as well to wear with it.

Today is my day to pick where to eat and I think I’ll choose pizza. Finally, I feel like I haven’t picked in forever even though there’s only three of us. The stupid snow/ice storm threw us off a week so it’s been like a month since it was my Friday to pick. Or something. I can’t math.

Edit: I didn’t see any nasty ads on YouTube tonight 😀


Tags:

Jan 30 2025 January 30, 2025 January 30, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Guess who canceled on me today?

Posted in

That’s right, Karen. Didn’t say why. I guess at least she TOLD me…that’s two this week. 😑 blah!!! I’m talking to my therapist about this. I don’t want to get Bobbie in trouble because her superiors are apparently kinda mean these days, but she’s got to inform me if she can’t come! Maybe someone could have a discreet conversation with her, like my therapist, instead of going straight to the supervisors. I might try myself, but if she keeps doing that, I’ll try to get someone to talk to her. It’s just very aggravating. Karen won’t get any grief because I’m sure she had a good reason, it’s just so annoying though. It drives me nuts. I hate in general when people cancel on me last minute because it happens a LOT. I’m certainly not saying I’ve never canceled on someone last minute but…damn. This is too common!

I went to tractor supply to look for a pallet in the appropriate size and they were all heavily used and a severe splinter risk, so I passed on that. I’m not sure what to look for. I might go to Wally World tomorrow and have a look there for any little platforms or small, short tables. Anything really. I cannot have that giant thing taking up half my art desk. It must go someplace else in that room. That’s the only room it can be in, otherwise I’ll get noise complaints.

I got geisha.nu a few minutes ago! It can take them up to twelve hours for them to check and make sure it isn’t fraud (genuinely don’t know how they could tell if it’s fraud-y, it’s locked and I can’t even change the nameservers.) then they unlock it and I can start to fix things up.

I’m excited to get paid and get my Etsy shop opened so I can start fiddling with it!

Edit: forgot to mention I got my bat pop socket! It’s perfect, I love it. I would take a picture but it’s on my phone. It looks adorable on my spiderweb case!


Tags:

Jan 27 2025 January 27, 2025 January 28, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

Noooo somethings wrong with my printer! It prints very light or even blank pages! I’m not sure how to fix this. The scanner works fine. That’ll teach me to try to set stuff up myself! I never get it right 😓

I got my new phone case and I’m waiting for my new pop socket to come in the mail. It should be here tomorrow. I got both on Etsy. The pop socket is a cute little bat from the shop KRDRdesigns. The case is black with spiderwebs and it’s from the leicestercase shop. I needed a new set, I feel like I’ve had the same case forever.

I can’t wait to get paid so I can get my new domain! I have all my sites updated already and waiting to upload. My host had to get rid of all my subdomains before she could change it for some reason. I asked if she’d just set up the same subdomains in the new one, geisha.nu. When I get to order it, that is.

Edit: I am so bored and anxious. I don’t know what to do when I’m like this. I can’t sleep yet.

I wish I had somebody to bounce ideas off of. It’s just that no one reads my blog, probably because it’s so boring haha. I never get any feedback on stuff when I really need it. It’s pretty lonely on here.

Edit: for my own reference; a recipe for Cheese sauce for nachos and cheese fries


Tags:

Jan 26 2025 January 26, 2025 January 26, 2025 NoComment by Eden

New collective domain?

Posted in ,

I’m changing from windsprite.nu to something else. At first I chose delirium.nu but changed my mind. I’m considering geisha.nu. I also thought of nightshade.nu, duende.nu, night.nu and others. I think I’m probably going to go with geisha though. I already bugged my poor host to change it for me to delirium.nu and she did, now I’m going to have to bug her again. I think geisha is a really pretty name and it alludes to a culture I’ve always been very interested in. I wonder what I’ll name the actual network though. “The Geisha Network” seems kind of blah. Maybe “Suki na koto” (things I like) or “Yaru koto” (things a person should do). “Ikigai ni tsuite” (what makes our life worth living) seems a bit hard to remember but I like it too. I think I like Suki na koto the best. Yeah I’ll go with that one. Best to stick with the Japanese theme, and it describes the network perfectly. Things I like.

I’ve spent a considerable amount of time tonight looking for a short pvc/vinyl black shiny as fuck trench coat. I found some on Amazon and some on Etsy. I’m now very cautious about Etsy because people like to buy cheap shit off Temu and resale it there and I don’t want to pay lots of money to be ripped off and fooled. I’m wary of Amazon because of the quality. I found one I really aesthetically like on Etsy but I’m definitely checking Temu first to make sure. Also it seems that the seller can produce the coats in bulk so how quality can they be? I don’t trust anyone!! I can’t find one on the usual goth clothing sites because the ones I did find don’t come in plus sizes. 🙁 Sucks to be in fat jail lol. At least on Etsy the one I like comes in 4X.

I don’t get paid until Friday at midnight. Hurry up!! At least I’m going to my parent’s house today for a good steak and apple pie. 🙂 Seems I can’t get a good steak anywhere else these days!

Edit: I’ve started planning out the illustration for the back of the Sailor Moon jacket. I’m planning on a “girl gang” theme. Usagi holding a baseball bat with nails over her shoulder and Chibiusa with some sweet brass knuckles. Here are a few of the reference images I’ve found;

I think it’ll look pretty cool, just gotta decide on a final layout and draw it (ugh, it’s so hard for me to draw anime anymore!!), then get some blue or red carbon paper and transfer it. I’m still considering dyeing that jacket pink. I have some pink dye and sealer/finisher in my Amazon cart. I might have to dilute it with alcohol to make it more of a light pastel pink. I’m a little nervous about doing it, what if I fuck it up since I’ve never done this before? I need strips to practice on or something.

The dye is Angelus brand light rose pink and it’s a little darker than I wanted, but I can find no lighter dyes in pink. There doesn’t seem to be a huge abundance of pink leather dye. 🙁 I just want to give it a ‘Pink Ladies’ who’ll beat your ass to a bloody pulp vibe. 😀


Tags: