Tag: Art

Jul 30 2024 July 30, 2024 July 30, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I have concluded that I don’t know how to color in traditional media. I have been doing it wrong this whole time. I’m better digitally. Seeing people coloring with traditional media in videos just makes me feel…inadequate. I have a beautiful set of prismacolor pencils that I’m afraid to use because with my bad coloring, it’d be a waste of expensive pencils. Ugh. I want to learn, I really do…I feel like I’ll never live up to my own standards. I’m holding myself back and it’s my own fault.


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May 10 2024 May 10, 2024 May 10, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I have the weirdest dreams, sometimes I wonder if my brain is broken or something because they make no sense at all. I dreamed that a poisonous snake was biting everything, animals and people, and the FBI was chasing it around…they found it in a closet (??) and had it surrounded but it started puking green stuff, like gallons of it, at everyone and then promptly died. O_o What even…?

I have also been having really bad, disturbing dreams about fighting with my dad. I don’t understand why, because we mostly get along pretty well….I’ve also had those dreams about my late Pawpaw, who I was really close to.

Me and mom set up my room divider and it looks really nice and makes my PC area feel more cozy and small. I do not like big, huge rooms. I’m not agoraphobic or anything, I just like small, cozy spaces.

I cut another big chunk of matted hair off Oscar’s back. I can’t find any more. He is getting sheared and bathed next month if it kills me. 100%.

I have also given some thought to what mediums I want to use if I get into the Enola artist group…clay and possibly even wood? I saw some wood art on YouTube last night and thought I would try whittling or something similar. It was very inspiring. I’ve kind of given up on the tufting thing, I just don’t think they’d go for that.

I have one more appointment with my surgeon before they submit to Medicaid! I see him in a short while. I’m excited.

That’s all internet. Good night!

Listening to: Megumi Hayashibara – Matsuri Uta

 


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Apr 22 2024 April 22, 2024 April 22, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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Oscar has been doing a weird head twitch for the past half hour. He seems on edge about something. Keeps whipping his head around to look behind. He used to spaz out really bad but hasn’t done that in years. Could it be a nervous thing? I totally get it, I have a bad nervous head twitch myself.

I’m upset about the score I received on my IQ test. 105. It should have been 116 but my slow processing of information dropped it down to that. I tested at 132 in Junior High. What would cause my IQ to drop so drastically? I have noticed in recent years that my writing style has changed, not for the better. Sometimes I don’t know how to express myself in words. It’s almost like I don’t know how to put words together sometimes. I AM worried about my mental health. I should talk to my therapist about it but I’m afraid she’ll tell me something unpleasant.

Speaking of that, my psychiatric evaluation should be ready in about a week, so they can give it to the art group I’m trying to get into again. I’m worried because I don’t have a portfolio to speak of. Last time, circa 2009, I had a good one and got in easily. I haven’t drawn much of anything since 2018-19 so I consider everything before that to be non-representative of my talent. I don’t think I could show them that stuff in a fair manner, because I can’t produce that type of art right now. I want to show them I have some artistic skills…but I’m not sure how to do that. I don’t have anything to show. What am I supposed to do? What are they gonna want to see? I have no clue! Like I said before, I want to try tufting. I have no idea if they’ll be up for that, because it’s a relatively small investment in the materials and tools, which I can’t afford myself. I don’t know how well funded they are, my town is kind of known for its artsy hipsterness. However, this art group bills to Medicaid…and the government is not known to care much about art and mental health, at least I have experienced it that way. The last time I was there, our delightful local government cut their funding way down. Like totally slashed it. They must be doing at least okay, because they have something like three buildings they use.

I’ll stop rambling on now. Good night, internet. 😺


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Apr 05 2024 April 5, 2024 April 5, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I’ve been trying to decide what kind of art I want to make in case I get into that artist group. Since I can’t seem to draw worth a crap anymore, I thought maybe I’d give tufting a go. That’s rug making fyi. Not normal boring rugs; but really interesting and cool ones. I’ve watched a ton of tufting videos and I think I have a good handle on how it works. It costs about $1000 to get all the materials to start with. I wonder if they’d pay for that? They always paid for the art supplies when I was there before. I wonder how well-funded they are now.

I had the first half of my psychiatric evaluation a few days ago, it went fine. I have to go back next Wednesday for the rest of it. Took an IQ test….wonder if I failed it haha


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Sep 24 2023 September 24, 2023 September 24, 2023 2Comments by Eden

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I’ve been sick since Monday night. Yuck. I don’t know if it’s Covid, don’t wanna know, but I’m probably going to urgent care tomorrow because this shit ain’t going away fast enough so I’m hoping they’ll give me an antibiotic. Enough already!

I did a lot of tidying in my art room. My desk was so full of stuff I couldn’t even use it. I used my mugs to hold markers and gel pens and whatnot, but even that wasn’t enough. I got more jars to use. It was pretty cleaned up but then I decided to bring all my game systems in and set them up in front of the little tv, so now it looks messy again lol. lots of wires. I’m happy with it so far, just gotta get more shit out of there and into the little storage building outside and it’ll all be good 👍 I got some string lights at hobby lobby a little while ago, I’m gonna have Denise help me put those up because I’m so damn short I can’t reach anything. It’s gonna look cool. This is also gonna be my movie watching and game room. I like small spaces for that kind of thing.

Otherwise, nothing else has really been happening except me waiting to hear back from Medicaid to see if they approved to pay for the surgery. I’m kind of on pins and needles about that. If they decline to pay, the lady who deals with Medicaid at the surgeons office said we would just address the problem and re-submit. I’m worried my doctor took shitty notes, she said that’s the number one reason they get denials. I don’t really know what kind of notes she took but I hope they’re good. If not, I’ll probably have to do the damn 4month diet AGAIN. I don’t wanna. But I’ll do what I have to I guess. Maybe I’m worried about nothing.


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Aug 24 2023 August 24, 2023 August 24, 2023 NoComment by Eden

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I bought a sketchbook a while back and put all my cool stickers on the front, trying to encourage myself to draw. I finally opened it up and noticed that the paper is so incredibly thin 0_o like…why didn’t I check before I bought it? Duh. Also I don’t think it’s bound very well. Anyhow I’ve drawn two days in a row, hoping the more I do the more I’ll improve. It sucks having to basically start over again because I didn’t draw for sooo long and got extremely rusty. I figure I’ll just have to work my way back up to where I was. Everything I do is really janky looking and I’d never show anyone. Even I wince a little when I look at it 😅 The new, slightly expensive mechanical pencils did help though. The cheap ones are so crappy! I got a Pentech 1000 0.5mm drafting pencil and a three pack of 0.5 Muji pencils off Amazon. The Pentech 1000 was $7 by itself. I’m glad I got them even if they cost a bit more. Worth it.

I have my MRI soon. I think it’s next Friday actually. I truly dread it because I hate being put to sleep because I am allergic to contrast dye. It won’t kill me or anything, it just makes me so incredibly uncomfortable and sweaty the rest of the day.

Well, off to bed I go. I get to go out and have some fun tomorrow. I am now able to wear my cpap mask so I am hoping I will feel a bit better.

 


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Aug 17 2023 August 17, 2023 August 17, 2023 NoComment by Eden

My Creative wound

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So I’m reading a book called ‘Healing the creative Wound’. It’s exactly what I needed to hear. Creative wounds are things that happen throughout your life that can dampen your ability to create, or even stop creating at all. I have two that stick out in my mind. These things really messed me up. Maybe they shouldn’t have, but some people are very sensitive souls and I’m one of those people. I care too much what others think, especially friends.

The first happened back in 2003. Yes, twenty years ago. I checked the guestbook on my website and there was a message from a guy that basically said “your art is good but it all looks the same”. I was really confused because I didn’t think that was true. I pored over every drawing I ever did, trying to figure out if they all looked the same, or maybe I had same-face syndrome. In any case, I became extremely paranoid about my art, and suffered an art block for quite some time.

The second happened in 2018 or 19, I can’t remember. I had posted some new art on my art page on Facebook. One of my friends, someone I’ve known since 7th grade, responded with a laugh emoji. It wasn’t a funny drawing. It fucked me up. I was already teetering on the edge of giving up drawing for good and that kind of pushed me over the edge. I have not drawn substantively since, much less actually completing a piece. I have doodled but I can’t seem to get past that.

A fucking laugh emoji. It shouldn’t matter, right? I should’ve just ignored it. But I couldn’t.

Anyhow, the book showed me that many artists have experienced the same thing. The purpose is to let go of the past and heal that creative wound, and I’m really trying. It’s hard because I laser focus on certain stuff, usually hurtful things people have said or done. I can’t get it out of my head. I’m not finished with the book yet, but it has some really great advice for getting past this stuff.

People also need to be aware that sometimes, something you say or do, even if it’s just a fucking emoji, can really impact someone’s life. Especially if you happen to be close with them. Don’t be a dick.


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Jul 27 2023 July 27, 2023 July 27, 2023 NoComment by Eden

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I’m excited. My story has been coming along nicely and things are finally starting to come together and make sense! I’ve gotten a bunch of books on my kindle about worldbuilding, character development, and tropes. I read part of The Trope Thesaurus at the beach today, and I must say it’s excellent. I do love me some good tropes! I do wonder when I’ll be back at the point, drawing-wise, to be able to take on the art part of this project. I’m pretty (lol extremely) rusty at this time. I have not drawn substantively since like…2018 I think. Something stupid happened last time I posted my art (friend essentially insulted me lol) and it sent me into a kind of death spiral I guess. Dunno what else to call it. I have come to the conclusion that I am WAY too sensitive and really don’t need to give a fuck what anyone thinks, even friends, unless I ASK them for their thoughts. I need to quit giving any fucks at all. Not even a little one. No fucks. None. My field of fucks is now dry and barren 😀

As it should be.

Artists really can’t let people bring them down. I always encourage and compliment on what I like about it, and I never criticize unless specifically asked to do so. Not everyone is going to like what you do, unfortunately, and sometimes they will be a dickhead about it. I have to accept that myself. I’m very guilty of letting that shit bother me, obviously. But like I said, no more fucks will be given.

Now I have to figure out how to format a comic page. Procreate has an automatic sized comic book page thing, which helps greatly, but I SUCK at boxes. I never know what to do with them or what looks right. Last time I had an online comic (2003 lol) I kicked out about 16 ugly, poorly formatted pages before throwing in the towel. I hope it won’t go like that this time. I have much better materials and programs now.

I just need to be able to draw.


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Oct 05 2022 October 5, 2022 October 5, 2022 NoComment by Eden

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So, I forgot I had a blog. O_o

I know this is the second program I’ve said this about, but Procreate for iPad Pro has a hell of a learning curve! I’ve been watching tutorials on YouTube and I’m starting to understand it a bit better. I really want to get back into drawing.

I also have made a separate site for my drawings and other art that I’ll post here when I’m done with it.


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