This is too god damn much to handle. I spent the night at moms and slept in their bed which was…dear god I can barely fucking walk. My lower back is so messed up. Now I know why dad doesn’t like it. This morning, Dad got transferred to the Shiny Silver Compost Pile otherwise known as Charlotte. They forgot to call and let us know where he is. He is not in good shape and I’m so scared I’ll never get to see him again. I don’t know what they’re doing or why they had to send him to New Junk City. Sorry…I’ll take every opportunity possible to dunk on Shartlotte. I’ll attempt to stop now. I woke up in severe pain and had to hunch over while walking. I’ve mostly straightened up but I’m slow as shit sliding up a wall. Ugh. Mom is going down to Meth Goblin Central to be with dad as we speak. Unfortunately that hospital is kind of downtown and I told mom not to even stand on the sidewalk alone, to have someone with her until she’s in there. There has been violence directed at women there lately. We’re either getting stabbed in the neck on the light rail, sucker punched in the back of the head while walking, raped, or whatever the fuck else these misogynistic cucks are able to form in their pointy heads. You never know when someone will randomly decide to be a piece of human garbage. I’m just really nervous about her going to the Concrete Butthole, period.

Uh, sorry. I got off track. My attempt failed.

She wouldn’t let me go with her! I wondered why we couldn’t get a cheap hotel room for a few days so neither of us (or just me I guess) would have to stay in that room 24/7. Guess that was a no.

I’m gonna be alone for at least a few days. I am terrified to be alone all day. I NEED to get out of here for a bit every day or I get really depressed and sometimes self-harmy. I’m scared.  Lauren is going out of town, so she can’t do anything. I have mom’s neighbour Christie who I actually went out thrifting and for dinner with yesterday, and she said she’d help if she was off work. I really don’t feel comfortable going to anyone else. I’m not allowed to contact my old individual support from ACA because they let her go and she’s not supposed to have contact with me for a year after, which is dumb as hell. Mom said she’d text her though if I needed her. They never said she couldn’t talk to mom.

I had some mild anxiety attacks, they mostly only made my back really hot. It wasn’t going away so I had to turn my thermostat from 68f to 66f. Now it’s cold in here… I was nauseous as well and the cold helps with that.

I bawled. Like I said, it’s too much. Way too much for me to handle. Being alone and feeling that way…I’m not looking forward to it.

No dad for Thanksgiving. Will I have a dad for Christmas? He needs to be there to open his present…