I’m thinking of getting a dog. I asked the property manager how many animals we’re actually allowed to have, and she said two, but they have to be designated emotional support animals which is not a problem. My dream dog is a golden retriever or a husky. I do remember there being a weight limit of 20lb though. I’m going to ask her if that still stands. I don’t know if mom will support me though, because I tried to have a dog right before I moved out and it was kind of a disaster. The poor thing was trying so hard to acclimate to her new surroundings and she shat everywhere. All the time. My parents made me return her to the shelter. I was really sad but accepted it. I do worry that would happen again. I’ve never had a problem with cats doing that, Oscar was immediately at home, he didn’t act scared or anything, he was just bat shit crazy. But that’s just his personality 😅

I don’t know if I should do it. Do all adopted dogs do this? Is that the norm? I wouldn’t be adopting one right this moment, I want to learn more about how to take care of a dog first. I don’t think my parents will be on my side, unfortunately, because of past experiences. They don’t think I can handle it.

This entry got depressing, so it’s going under a cut.

An email I got made me think of the bariatric surgery I didn’t have. I got super upset. I felt shitty last night and today because I was thinking about it so much. I try to imagine where I would be now if I had had the surgery and I want to cry every time because I know how much better I would be. I don’t know why I let other people sway me. I’m the stupidest, weakest person I’ve ever met. I had an opportunity and I missed it. I need to lose a little less than 100lb to be at my healthy weight. How am I going to do that?? I’m stuck at my current weight of about 215lb, even though I’m absolutely not stuffing my face or overeating, and I’m on Ozempic, but I’m not losing weight. I have to eat next to nothing to actually lose weight. That’s how I lost 30lb, I barely ate the whole time. I don’t know what to do. I feel screwed. Stuck. I’m so angry too. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this. It’s been since August of 2024 and if anything, I feel worse. If I’m being honest, I should probably be in the hospital. Last time I was in, I wouldn’t eat because the food is so gross. I think I lost 5lb in one week. 😅 I should be there because of the bad headspace I’m in, but the weight loss would be a nice bonus. I’m terrified of getting heart disease, I think about it all the time. I’ve already had numerous mini strokes and almost certainly one heart attack. What’s coming next? I’m afraid to find out.