Month: January 2025

There was a weird incident last night that scared the shadoodle outta me. I was lying in bed, and suddenly I hear a loud noise from the darkness of my living room and kitchen. Oscar was on the bed, so it wasn’t something he could have done. It sounded like a bunch of sticks were thrown and hit something loudly. I was frozen and in a moment of desperation called mom at 4am. That went about as well as you’d expect, she wasn’t happy. I calmed down a bit and shut my bedroom door. I figured I’d open it when the sun starts to rise. I went out at about 6am and saw what it was; a bunch of my funko pops had been knocked off my shelf and landed on the kitchen counter and floor. 😑 How did that make so much noise? What knocked them off??? I think it’s the ghost or whatever it is. It periodically does this stuff. It goes through times of activity and then, I dunno, leaves for a while. Takes a vacation. The reason I think it’s a ghost or spirit is because it literally spoke nonsense words (or some arcane language I searched on Google and nothing came of it) in a weird crystal clear whisper-yell to me one morning in my bedroom and I was SO terrified I had to sleep in the living room. I noped right out of there. Btw, I do not have audio hallucinations. It’s done plenty of other stuff I won’t get into, but I will say it had me trembling under the covers like a 7 year old in the past. Not been that scared since I was a kid. Things don’t fall over like that for no reason when they were perfectly stable, and there’s not a fan on or really any air circulating around the room. There’s just no reason for it. Explain it to me, please. 😅

I got some different material I want to put in that dress’s keyhole opening. It’s red crushed velvet with black lace over it. I’ll take a picture. It’s really pretty and I think it’ll look good. Black and red are always a good combo. It would have been cool if I had found some purple crushed velvet as that is my favourite colour.


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Should I?

I want these bat ears but I’m afraid people will think I’m a furry. 🙁


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I got a corset. The price was $32 but Etsy charged me 60+, I can only assume because it’s a bigger size, but that was not reflected on the seller’s page. It’s not a fashion corset. It’s to rein in the fat and make me feel a little less self conscious. It could be worn on the outside of an outfit, it’s just not fancy or really pretty. It’s black, made of cotton, steel boned and has a zipper up the front…I wasn’t looking to lace that shit up.

Side note – The iPhone keyboard makes me so ragey.

I got this dress (part of the size fuck up of the other night)

I love it but I DONT love keyhole titty windows, so I decided to get it anyhow and have some cool fabric or black lace put in.

I have modesty considerations, and no, it is not religious because I myself am not religious in any way. I have always been this way. I can’t show my body, particularly my chest. It makes me so uncomfortable and limits what I can wear to a degree, unless I want to modify it. Everything I like seems so have a titty window of some sort. That or a really low neckline. Sucks.

I used scalp exfoliant in the shower, it felt really pleasant and I’m looking forward to seeing if it makes any difference. I wonder if I could use the same stuff on my face, I don’t see why not. My face needs it.

Listening to: Diva Destruction – Enslaved



I was dumb enough to walk on mulch in platforms and hit an uneven place, and down I went. Two people saw it, I was so freaking embarrassed! I think I accidentally flashed them my underwear because my leg went straight up in the air. 😭 lucky for me and them, I wear big granny underpants so I doubt I was really exposed… I will never do that again!

Also, dad called me a “dickless porcupine”! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? My family lives to insult one another haha



I wonder why platform boots were/are considered “mall goth”? I don’t have an issue with that because I was a TOTAL mall goth when I was 15 and I’m wearing platforms as I write this. Just wondering 😆

I am so grumpy today. Mostly because of the snafu last night and because nothing is going right today. It’s like constantly stubbing your toe. Annoying.

Listening to: The Merry Thoughts – Low Violet



Why does PayPal have to make getting a refund so fucking difficult? I canceled my order and the pay-in-four should also be canceled and refunded. It should be simple. Gah

ive gotten myself into another snafu haha. I tried ordering something from Killstar and my payment kept defaulting to Shop pay, whatever the fuck that is, never used it. It was stuck and the support said I had to take it up with Shop Pay, which I wasn’t gonna bother with. I made a new account and made my order, in a very frustrated mood. When I got the confirmation email I realised I had ordered extra small sizes by accident and had paid half to PayPal already before I noticed the error. I emailed Killstar and canceled the order and am getting a refund. PayPal is not that easy, however. They want me to fill out this long form with questions I can’t answer, really. I’m gonna try though. They’d better not double charge me since I reordered the right sizes.

edit: getting a refund 👍



I got my hair buzzed to a quarter inch long. I also got some scalp exfoliant which I’ll try tonight. I’m trying to get rid of this dandruff buildup and maybe it’ll help with the sebhorric dermatitis. I hope, anyways. It’s been ridiculous lately. I am so self conscious about it. No one can really see it (I don’t think…) but it bothers the hell out of me because I can feel it so much when I touch my scalp, so I try my best not to touch it. It’s hard not to.

I looked at shape wear today and nothing did what I was hoping for. I want to try a corset. I figure I’ll try Priscilla McCalls (a sex store lol) because my friend bought a corset there once so she could fit into her prom dress. I think they still sell them. If they don’t I’ll try Night Secrets, another sex store 😂 It’ll be embarrassing to go in there with mom because there’s dildoes all over the place and Weiner shaped things everywhere. And porn dvds. Yes, I have been in there a few times with the same friend and was super curious so I looked around quite a bit. I think I’ll stick to the attire when I go haha…even though there’s a lot of bdsm outfits and stuff. Lolll what will mom think. Pretty sure she’s been in there before, though.



I decided to try powder foundation since liquid is kind of gross-feeling in my opinion. Felt like I had goop on my face that wouldn’t completely dry. I could not stand that feeling and I felt it didn’t cover my pores all that well. My old powder foundation worked a lot better at hiding my pores and not making me feel nasty. I found Maybelline Super Stay powder foundation in a very light colour. It’s matte but goes on “creamy” whatever that means. I guess it dries matte? It’s non-expensive, most importantly. I hope it comes sometime this year because Amazon has been hella slow lately. I don’t know if it’s because of the holidays or what.

I really need to get on my laptop and work on my two upcoming fanlistings as well as gothic.nu. I emailed one of my web hosts that knows me personally and asked her to change my main collective domain to delirium.nu. She hasn’t gotten back to me yet. I have to make a whole new layout for it. I think I’ll make a Sandman layout focusing on the Delirium character. It’s only fitting because I was thinking of her when I chose the name! 🐠

Edit: Good lord Temu is DANGEROUS.




Affirm is weird. Even after paying all my bills for the month and my banking app says it’s all been deducted from my account, I still have more money in the bank than I should. One month, they put mostly all of the money I paid back into my account and I was so confused and didn’t know how much money I actually had, and it took them forever to take it back out. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening this month but I had googled that specific issue and it happens to other people too. I have a learning disability with numbers and I can’t understand how much money I really have left or if I have that much left because I paid the minimum on my credit card this month (I usually pay it off in full unless things are tight) and it just looks like I have more because of that. Ugh I hate numbers. I sometimes have problems adding and subtracting if that tells you anything. It’s pretty bad and was first noticed by my teacher in 2nd grade. I had to be tutored in how to add and subtract and I don’t think it did any good haha. I’ve gone almost 40 years without having to math too much (not including school obviously, in which I failed maths miserably…)

So banking really sucks. I feel like my app is not accurate. I’m going to call them, I guess, and ask if the money has truly been paid or is affirm has put it back into my account. It shows in the red in my app which means it’s been paid, but I can’t see how I have this amount of money left. My rent came out too. It’s baffling. Okay, done talking about boring things. No wonder no one reads this blog.

I was hoping great clips was open because I really wanted to get that haircut but they were closed. My hair is ridiculous looking today, the left side is sticking straight out. I probably slept on it weird. I washed my hair yesterday and the scalp shit was already back pretty bad the same day. I washed it really well, there is no reason for that. I feel if it was a lot shorter I could scrub it better. I can’t tell you how much I laser focus on that crap and how much it bothers me. The special shampoo the dermatologist prescribed me smells like sulphur. Sometimes I use it, sometimes not. It’s gross and I can’t handle bad smells.

Still talking about boring stuff no one wants to read 😆

Edit: I am such an impulsive little shit.



It’s 2025!

Happy new year! 🥳