Month: May 2024

Saw some SH2 gameplay last night and I personally think it looks great, it was getting some hate though because people were saying the graphics were bad and some of the combat is janky. I dunno, it looked good to me but then again, I’m relatively easy to please. Not that I don’t recognize if the graphics are shite…but I don’t think they were. And some people were bitching about the hype surrounding it, there’s hype for a reason. Same reason people were hyped about the FF7 remakes. Because they were great games that deserve an update. And no goddam tank controls 😆 Do I think there are things they could improve upon? Yes, absolutely. Hopefully they will have enough time to smooth some things out and make them even better.

I should be hearing from the weight loss center in the next couple of weeks. I’m excited! I really hope Medicaid approves me, if they don’t, I’ll appeal. There’s no reason not to, I did everything right. All the people who are involved, my doctor included, have praised me a lot. I know how much it’s gonna suck after surgery, but I’m prepared. I’m not going in blind and thinking it’s a “quick fix” or whatever. I’m very aware of the downsides of this.




October 8th, Silent Hill 2 will be available! I’m so excited, I don’t know if I’ll pre-order it or what, it’s $70 usd. Worth it though. I’ve been WAITING very impatiently to hear a date.

Otherwise I have been testing myself on camera for my YouTube channel. I had to know if I sound really stupid or if my voice is annoying. Everything seems normal, I watched myself and wasn’t disgusted lol. I got a ring light too. I don’t know if I need a microphone. Need to do a test run. I already have the software. Excited about that too! Let’s just hope I don’t get flamed too hard for being a girl haha

https://www.youtube.com/@Midnight_Pizza There it is if anyone would like to support me.

I also set up my art channel, who knows when it’ll be active. Soon, I hope. 🤞 https://www.youtube.com/@NemiArts




My armpits are more fucked up than I could have imagined. I won’t tell the new shit because it’s TMI but still…kinda awful and painful. I’m really sorry to even write about that and I’m sorry if it grosses anyone out, it grosses ME out. Psoriasis sucks, and I’m sure anyone that has it will agree. I’m just…in pain and pissed off. In pain from a number of things actually. I’m praying for this surgery to come through and hoping that losing weight will help with the pain and other things. Anyhoo, I weigh 213 lb now and am simply shocked and elated because my weight hasn’t been that low in 20 years. My ultimate goal is 125-130 lb. That’s a healthy weight for me, I was at my best health when I weighed 125. I haven’t been that weight since I was 15. I hope I don’t look like a saggy old hag though. That kind of worries me, but regardless, it won’t stop me.

Happy Memorial Day to my fellow Americans. Kind of a somber day, but you know everyone uses it as an excuse to grill out 😬 Which we did today. Steaks! Delicious. Remember the real meaning of it though.

I decided on a whim to nail that fucking corkboard above my PC. I’ve had it sitting around for quite literally about ten years, with all kinds of stuff pinned on it, but no one would ever help me out to put it up…well, the hooks on the back obviously fell off at some point so I had to nail the damned thing directly through the cork part into the wall. At first I only had little nails and used five or six, I was so scared it’d fall down during the night and scare me shitless…so I went to the hardware store and got some ridiculously long nails and hammered three of them in. It’s not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m so proud I was able to do it myself, my balance is terrible so I was scared to get on the step ladder, but I got it done. /pats self on back/. I LOVE my little cozy corner PC space! 😀 it’s everything I want and need for now, I just gotta get a microphone and it shall be complete.




Last night, I debated whether or not to call emergency services because I felt like my throat was closing up. However, I am afraid of being called a drama queen or accused of overreacting. That’s not cool, no one should feel that way, and that could get someone hurt or killed. I’ve heard a lot of people say that, especially women. Anyhow. It let up after a while, but it was so fucking uncomfortable! Mom told me that was one of the possible side effects of Cosentyx. I don’t want to quit taking it for obvious reasons though. 😕 I just wanna have normal armpits again!!!



Things are looking good for my surgery! The hospital weight loss center submitted the stuff to Medicaid for the second time this Tuesday. I should hear back within a month. I did everything they asked, so can they really deny me?

I have to stop taking my Cosentyx (psoriasis medication) for four weeks before surgery and four weeks after. Kinda hate that part lol I don’t want it to get worse again!


Tags:


Help

I’m making my gaming channel on YouTube, and cannot decide on a name. I’m thinking of three.

Fizzy Pixel

Fuzzy Pixel

Dream Programmed

 

which is best? Someone help me lol

 

Edit: I settled on a totally different one…”Midnight Pizza” 🍕 Because what’s better than being up in the wee hours of the morning, eating pizza and playing a game? It’s very nostalgic.



Because of course.

Monday, I was told I’m probably gonna lose my individual support person, Denise, sometime in July because Medicaid doesn’t want to pay for it anymore. I’m super attached to Denise. She’s one of my favorite people, she’s been my individual support person since 2021. I’ll still have Kim, my peer support, for the time being but I’m sure they’ll take her away too. I can’t handle being cut off like that. My individual and peer supports have kept me above water since 2019 after I got out of the hospital and taken into A Caring Alternative. They have kept my mental health in a good place. I don’t know what I’ll do once I don’t have them anymore. My last hope is the Enola Group accepting me. I’m so afraid of being rejected by them. I’ll have nothing.




I’m starting to wonder if this town has a serial killer. Random bodies have been popping up, I think we’re at 3 now. I suppose they could be overdoses because we have a major drug problem, but still…a bit strange, don’t you think? A bit too coincidental? Either way, I’m spooked. >_>;



I have the weirdest dreams, sometimes I wonder if my brain is broken or something because they make no sense at all. I dreamed that a poisonous snake was biting everything, animals and people, and the FBI was chasing it around…they found it in a closet (??) and had it surrounded but it started puking green stuff, like gallons of it, at everyone and then promptly died. O_o What even…?

I have also been having really bad, disturbing dreams about fighting with my dad. I don’t understand why, because we mostly get along pretty well….I’ve also had those dreams about my late Pawpaw, who I was really close to.

Me and mom set up my room divider and it looks really nice and makes my PC area feel more cozy and small. I do not like big, huge rooms. I’m not agoraphobic or anything, I just like small, cozy spaces.

I cut another big chunk of matted hair off Oscar’s back. I can’t find any more. He is getting sheared and bathed next month if it kills me. 100%.

I have also given some thought to what mediums I want to use if I get into the Enola artist group…clay and possibly even wood? I saw some wood art on YouTube last night and thought I would try whittling or something similar. It was very inspiring. I’ve kind of given up on the tufting thing, I just don’t think they’d go for that.

I have one more appointment with my surgeon before they submit to Medicaid! I see him in a short while. I’m excited.

That’s all internet. Good night!

Listening to: Megumi Hayashibara – Matsuri Uta

 




Well today was my last weight loss appointment! Everything looks good, lost another two pounds, and my doc is sending all the stuff to the weight loss center. I’m supposed to hear back from them when they get it 😀 I know I have to see the surgeon one more time which is perfectly fine, and THEN they’ll submit it to Medicaid. I’m really looking forward to this and maybe things are finally looking up for me. If I lose the bulk of this weight, my life will change. I’m not even that big of a person but it has screwed up my whole body, my health, my everything. I look about 20-30 pounds less than I actually weigh, always have. No one thinks I need the surgery but I definitely do. Mom has started getting paranoid about it and is now telling me she doesn’t want me to do it. I’m personally not scared of medical procedures. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t worry about dying or whatever. It might cross my mind, but it doesn’t stick around long enough to bother me.

Anyways, it’s coming up on me fast. So is the cataract surgery. I hope they don’t interfere with one another because they’ll be pretty close together.

The cataract surgery actually does bother me a bit, but only because they do not put me to sleep and I do not want to be aware of someone touching and lasering my eyeballs. Especially if I can see it. I can touch my own eyeballs with impunity but don’t like anyone else doing it. When I went to the eye doctor a week ago they numbed my eyeballs but I still felt the thingy touching them, not just the pressure, but the touch. That kind of bothers me if that’s what they’re using during surgery because it wasn’t working so good that day. I wish they’d just knock me out!