Posted in thoughts
I deeply regret not ordering a pizza last night. I really don’t have much to eat here.
Month: April 2024
Oscar has been doing a weird head twitch for the past half hour. He seems on edge about something. Keeps whipping his head around to look behind. He used to spaz out really bad but hasn’t done that in years. Could it be a nervous thing? I totally get it, I have a bad nervous head twitch myself.
I’m upset about the score I received on my IQ test. 105. It should have been 116 but my slow processing of information dropped it down to that. I tested at 132 in Junior High. What would cause my IQ to drop so drastically? I have noticed in recent years that my writing style has changed, not for the better. Sometimes I don’t know how to express myself in words. It’s almost like I don’t know how to put words together sometimes. I AM worried about my mental health. I should talk to my therapist about it but I’m afraid she’ll tell me something unpleasant.
Speaking of that, my psychiatric evaluation should be ready in about a week, so they can give it to the art group I’m trying to get into again. I’m worried because I don’t have a portfolio to speak of. Last time, circa 2009, I had a good one and got in easily. I haven’t drawn much of anything since 2018-19 so I consider everything before that to be non-representative of my talent. I don’t think I could show them that stuff in a fair manner, because I can’t produce that type of art right now. I want to show them I have some artistic skills…but I’m not sure how to do that. I don’t have anything to show. What am I supposed to do? What are they gonna want to see? I have no clue! Like I said before, I want to try tufting. I have no idea if they’ll be up for that, because it’s a relatively small investment in the materials and tools, which I can’t afford myself. I don’t know how well funded they are, my town is kind of known for its artsy hipsterness. However, this art group bills to Medicaid…and the government is not known to care much about art and mental health, at least I have experienced it that way. The last time I was there, our delightful local government cut their funding way down. Like totally slashed it. They must be doing at least okay, because they have something like three buildings they use.
I’ll stop rambling on now. Good night, internet. 😺
Posted in Uncategorized
This cat just dipped his head in a can of cheese dip. Not his face, the top and back of his head. How, you may ask, did he achieve this athleticism? I DONT KNOW
Posted in life
Got my pc set up! Mostly thanks to dad. The last time I was “tech savvy” was 20+ years ago. Now I’m just dumb so I need help lol
I just realized I didn’t get the tower in this pic. It’s probably the coolest part!
Also that desk is an absolute piece of shite, I am getting a new one asap. Part of it fell off because I leaned on it just a bit. And the keyboard tray is janky as fuck, definitely not buying one from Wayfair this time. I’m amazed it survived the move to this apartment honestly.
And here’s my cat, just because.
Look at his royal ass
edit: I went ahead and got a desk 🥴
Posted in life
Woooo! My credit rebounded! I was able to order my gaming PC! I’m paying 27$ over 12 months. I had to pay 91$ today. It’s a Dell OptiPlex, with RGB lights all over. So cool, now I can play my pc games! Thank god for that free two day shipping with Amazon Prime lol
edit: dammit, I got the iPad charger I ordered from that website (the one I tried to cancel lol) and it is NOT for a first gen iPad Pro. It’s for the newer ones with the tiny plug. I emailed them to ask about returning it. Who knows if they will get back to me lol
Fucking psoriasis!!
I have been suffering with this psoriasis for god knows how long now, months and months, and I got 8 vials of blood drawn WEEKS ago so they could prescribe me something to help with it. It has been weeks since I did that and I have not heard anything from the dermatologist yet. Called them today, don’t know why I didn’t do that sooner, and the lady apologized and said the dermatologist’s assistant would call back. She didn’t call back today. I’m desperate and itchy and sore.
Today was Eclipse day, we got to see about 80% of it. Nothing really happened, it didn’t really get dark. Kind of anticlimactic. The light might have dimmed just a little but nothing else. Also couldn’t look at the sun until like 4:30 pm because it could burn our retinas or whatever. I accidentally glanced, but it was mostly covered by clouds. I would like to see an actual eclipse sometime. The last one was in 2016-17, can’t quite remember, but I got some interesting pictures of it. It didn’t get dark during that one either, the sun just looked weird for a while.
I go back for the rest of my psychiatric evaluation Wednesday. I have to take the long-ass computer test. I remember it from before. I also learned I do not need another evaluation for my surgery, which is a relief. Guess they miscalculated? I have one more doctors appointment left before the weight loss surgery center turns everything in to Medicaid again. I really hope to be scheduled for surgery soon!
Silent Hill: Revelation
If it’s SH, I’ll play/watch/read.
I ordered it off Amazon. Odd film, doesn’t make sense within the Silent Hill universe. It was entertaining but still. While Pyramid Head is my favorite monster, and it was good to see him again, he only makes sense in the context of SH2. No James, no Pyramid Head. He’s a manifestation of James guilt over killing his wife, he is punishing himself. That’s why PH exists. The town manifests someone’s personal demons. I had the same issue with the first movie, even though I do love it and it’s one of my favorite movies.
I also hate the retconning on his origin. I won’t even get into that hot mess…kinda pissed me off.
Anyhow…I bought a dress at a thrift shop. Everyone should probably have at least one dress in case of a formal event of some kind, unless you absolutely refuse to wear one lol. It’s black, of course. Because what other color would I buy. The last time I wore a dress was my friend’s wedding in 2016. I had no dress shoes either so I had to wear my ratty old boots 😂 It was weird and I felt weird. Actually, because of that wedding, I swore I’d never go to another one! I did not have a good time. My friend’s MOH’s son kind of made fun of me. I said he was a Justin Bieber-lookin’ little shit. Seriously, can’t stand teenage boys.
I just missed my cousins wedding 😕 I was really close with her when I was about 14 and she was about 2. I loved her to death and even read a page of a phone book because she wanted me to. We kind of grew apart which makes me sad, and I did want to go to her wedding. It was three hours away and mom didn’t think dad could tolerate driving that long right now. I was disappointed but when I learned that people would be socializing for two fucking hours between the wedding and reception, I was kind of relieved because we all know how bad I am at that and how it stresses me out. They’re on their honeymoon in Washington state, uncle sent pictures and the landscapes are beautiful. I really hope they are having a good time!
Posted in life
I’ve been trying to decide what kind of art I want to make in case I get into that artist group. Since I can’t seem to draw worth a crap anymore, I thought maybe I’d give tufting a go. That’s rug making fyi. Not normal boring rugs; but really interesting and cool ones. I’ve watched a ton of tufting videos and I think I have a good handle on how it works. It costs about $1000 to get all the materials to start with. I wonder if they’d pay for that? They always paid for the art supplies when I was there before. I wonder how well-funded they are now.
I had the first half of my psychiatric evaluation a few days ago, it went fine. I have to go back next Wednesday for the rest of it. Took an IQ test….wonder if I failed it haha
I have a three hour psychiatric evaluation tomorrow morning and have to be there at 9:10am. It’s going to suck. I’m trying to get into that Art program for adults with developmental disabilities and for some reason they needed that, even though I had one in 2006 or 2007. It’s gonna say the same thing. Pretty sure I’m still autistic!
So I’m showered and squeaky clean, in bed early and watching my videos and stuff because I’m going to try to get to sleep really early. I don’t want to be all tired tomorrow.
I had to cancel that order for an iPad charger. I can’t afford 30$ for that. I know I have one, I know where it’s supposed to be, but it ain’t there…I have looked high and low for the stupid thing. I finally put the paperlike protector on the iPad Pro which was tedious and hard. It’s supposed to make the surface feel like paper when using the Apple Pencil. I then put it it’s protective case. I have everything but that stupid charging cable.
Posted in life
Jesus Christ I fucking hate Apple and Amazon sometimes. They never give the right search results and lead me on a wild goose chase to find a CHARGER for a fucking iPad. iPad Pro 12.9 inch first gen. Shouldn’t be hard to find. I just had to drop $30 on a charger on a site that I have never shopped on, which makes me nervous because I have been scammed before. Seriously fuck Amazon right now. Its search results are getting shittier by the day. It’s hard to even find a dvd of something 😫
Sorry, I’ve been in a crap mood since the credit thing. /sigh
And I can’t get my pc until my stupid credit goes back up…