Tag: YouTube

I had been looking for (with no luck) a documentary I watched years back on the Bridgend suicides. The whole thing is a perfect example of a social contagion. Terrifying stuff. I finally thought I’d check YouTube. No idea why that didn’t occur to me, as I wasn’t able to find a physical copy, which annoyed the hell out of me. One search and I found it. BTW, Bridgend is a town in Wales, and I can think of a couple of nasty things that have happened there relatively recently, involving teenagers/young adults, suicides and senseless murders. The kids are not alright.

I highly recommend it and the bits of updates after the end are fucking creepy at the very least, it really spooked me and haunted my mind for a few days. Sometimes I randomly think about it. Watch it here, the video refused to embed.

I need to find more documentaries. Bridgend was on Netflix years ago. I obviously prefer docs on creepy, morbid and macabre things, but also wildlife, history, and sometimes totally bizarre, off the wall shit. I always take recommendations! Maybe the zero people who read this will know a good one 😸




Oh god I’m so relieved!! I thought I accidentally overdrew my account last night while paying off Affirm and Klarna bills. I really thought I was gonna wind up  $100-200 in the red! I went to the bank and they are so helpful. That’s why I love Telco. They do not get annoyed with me even though I misunderstand stuff and ask for help sometimes. The lady that helped me explained some things about the app that I just couldn’t understand for whatever dumb reason and assured me I wasn’t overdrawn. I have $143 left, actually and just used $100 of it to pay off half my credit card.

I’m using $20 to get a friggin buzz when Lauren comes to get me. My hair is driving me bonkers, it’s doing the thing where it forms a literal POINT on top of my head and it looks so stupid. I don’t know why that’s the default state of my hair once it grows out too much, and there’s no way to comb it down either. Can’t wait to be rid of that 😅

The vet assistant actually did have an emergency yesterday and that’s why she didn’t come pick up Oscar. I hope no animals were harmed. She’s supposed to be here to get him any time now. I just wanna put my jammies on and eat dinner but I’m having to wait. I need to be cozy in my jammies and eat my delicious chick-fil-a which is still in the bag.

Ah, she just came and took him. Shouldn’t take long, it’s just a sugar check. That reminds me I still need to get a sugar kit on Amazon. They’re made specifically for cats.

Im still pissed about the Albanese Joy Division shirt kerfluffle 😂 I wanna tell them how dumb they are (Sky News Australia I mean as well as commenters who bought the bullshit) but I hate hate HATE arguing on the internet. So, so much. I hate drama and never start it myself, ever.

Anyhoo

Mom was driving me home Sunday night, and one of my favourite songs came on. “Richard Hung Himself” by D.I., a punk band. The song is from 1983 and played a big part in the soundtrack to the movie Suburbia. She said “Richard hung himself?! I thought I was hearing it wrong until I saw the title!” It was funny, guess you had to be there 😅 I explained the song and she wasn’t offended or anything lol. My mom is 75 and we listen to my music together almost every day. I swear this woman has been exposed to far more music than most 75 year old moms. She says she likes the majority of what I play, mostly the goth stuff. That’s pretty cool. She’s 75, but she’s what I would call a rocker, even though she looks nothing like that. I’m really hoping she’ll wear the super cool T-shirts I’m getting her for Christmas, even though they have short sleeves. I got her a very subtle Wednesday Addams shirt that says “I don’t evolve, I cocoon.” She likes the Addams Family, but I really got it because of the cocoon reference. Every day when she drives me home, I say “Go home and cocoon.” 😬 That’s what we call putting on a blanket and curling up on the couch, which is her favourite part of the day lol. I still haven’t entirely decided on dads shirts. Mom is getting that one, The Beatles, and Queen. Dad is getting “I have rabies” and…lmao I forgot which ones I had in mind besides that. I get stupider by the day, I swear. Maybe I should get him a Queen shirt as well, all three of us are Queen fans so I know he’d like it. Hmmm

So Friday is Hallowe’en/Samhain. We go out to eat on Friday nights, but I don’t know if we’ll go anyplace special. I’m really hoping I see kids trick or treating on the streets rather than those stupid “Trunk or Treats” they have at Churches,  because I feel like churches killed Halloween at least around here! I feel resentment for that. Even if they’re just trick or treating at the stores in downtown, at least they’re out. Nobody goes house to house anymore, which I find depressing. It also makes me feel so thankful that I did most of my growing up in the 90s when trick or treating was normal. I usually had a friend with me and even though we were young, my parents gave us space and lagged quite a distance behind, while still keeping their eyes on us. It was a wonderful experience as a kid and was SO different than it is now. Kids go out only in the daylight now, and sometimes not even on Hallowe’en, which is just lame. The city council determines when the stores hand out candy 🙄 No such thing when I was a kid, and we always went out ON Hallowe’en, didn’t matter if we had school the next day. We also went out towards dusk and stayed out probably until 9 or 10pm. People seem to be allergic to that kind of fun now. It’s more fun in the dark 😸 I’m so glad I had a normal, non-sterilised experience. I did wind up in a church one Hallowe’en though, which was a godawful experience 😂 I wrote about that at some point. They also didn’t give us candy. Today, that experience would probably count as some kind of child abuse 🤣 haha

Oscar just got back and I have to reduce his insulin to 1.5 units, which can’t be done with a lantus pen. I am not yet comfortable with syringes. I’m scared I’d accidentally give him too much and kill my own cat. The vet assistant told me which kind to buy at Walmart and said she’d stop by tomorrow and show me exactly how to use it. It sucks to not use the lantus pen anymore because it was so simple. I’m afraid I’ll have to buy insulin as well, because it’s about $100 for one bottle even though it lasts for months. That means I’ll have to make more claims on his insurance. I haven’t even made the first claim yet because I have to make a video and I’m scared I’ll say something wrong and they’ll deny me. I’m asking Lauren to help me do that tomorrow. She’s very proactive and structured and I love that about her. Makes my life so much easier, and even better, more productive. Doing things I’ve been meaning to do for a while but procrastinated on. Anyhow when I got his insurance I had no clue that making a claim would require a video and various other things, which is something that should have been disclosed! Ahhh I don’t wanna. But I must.

Well, I’m finally in my jammies and under a blanket and my delicious magic chicken sandwiches await me. Have a good one, internet.




*watching trip reports on YouTube*

Oh goody, a Datura story! I love those. I have never heard anyone speak of a positive Datura trip. They always sound fucking terrible! WHY do people fuck with this plant, I mean who wants to ingest something nicknamed “hells bells”?! 😅

This particular guy saw a black hole in his ceiling which he thought would suck him in, something about swimming in black goo of varying viscosities, and finding his clothing in the freezer, mattress in the kitchen, and ham on the wall after the trip subsided.

But the scariest thing was the wasted ham. 😱

I watched one a while back about a 11 or 12 yo boy who unknowingly drank tea made from the aforementioned “hells bells” (I think his older brother made it or something), tripped balls, went out into the woods and wandered around in a stupor all night. Sometime the next day, he stumbles out of the woods, super confused. His parents were freaking out, of course. Kid was basically unknowingly dosed, which sucks!

 I will never understand why some people do it again and again. Like “that was horrible, gimme more of this shit” 😂

It’s funny how a person like myself, who has precisely ZERO interest in ever doing any of these drugs, loves so much to hear about other people doing those drugs. I used to read drug stories people submitted on a site called “userstories”. That site is long gone, probably for 15 or so years now. It was so entertaining, I really miss sites like that.

Dad did ALL the drugs back in the early 80’s while in the military and told me his stories about LSD and other crazy shit, maybe that’s why it interests me so much 🧐

Welp, gonna go watch the rest of the video. I rambled again haha




This cat’s breath is a freakin war crime. It’s written in the Geneva conventions…somewhere 😅

It smells SO bad. Anytime he opens his pie hole, it whacks me in the face like a sledgehammer. Definitely the new wet food regimen.

Please send help.

Edit: because.




I’m fucking dying, had to rewind over and over because I couldn’t hear over my own laughing. The narrator is spot on 😂


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I told mom allll about prion diseases today and really freaked her out 😅 I’m terrified of that stuff yet love to blabber on and on about it. Chronic Wasting Disease, kuru, fatal familial insomnia, Jakob Creuzfeldt, and so on. Prions are to me, by far, the scariest things in nature because your brain could produce a misfolded protein at any time, and Jakob Creutzfeldt can be either completely spontaneous, or it can be caused by improperly sterilised surgical instruments. I remember an instance of a man having brain surgery and he was infected by the unclean instruments. I’ll bet his family had a HELL of a lawsuit, as they should have. Negligence costs lives! It’s said that 1 in 1500 people in the UK have misfolded proteins in their body. Prions. It could take years to get sick. I don’t know stats for the US or any other country. Bet it isn’t much better. That’s one reason I would never eat deer meat! What if someone ate the wrong deer and CWD became zoonotic? I’ll bet that’s already happened more than once, honestly. Probably many times. Eating an infected deer, I mean. I think we’d know by now if someone contracted it. There is no known cure, so if there was an epidemic of CWD we might be in trouble. Where I live, a ton of people hunt their food and eat deer meat. It freaks me out because what if it jumped? The deer that have it are basically zombies that are wasting away. What would that do to a person?

I would rather be covered in spiders for the rest of my life than have a prion disease. That’s saying something 😂

Got along good with mom today, despite me freaking her out with prions lol. There’s a really good YouTube video by Casual Geographic (can’t recommend this guy enough, he is freaking hilarious and great with words without resorting to saying dumb shit like “unalive”, AND you learn stuff about animals!) that discusses scary animal diseases. I knew most of what he said, but I learned things that were new to me also. Watch that one and the damn dolphin video, because holy crap. Dolphins are fucked in the head! Beautiful creatures but they’re the psychopaths of the sea. I would still interact with one, but I’ll never see them the same way again 😆

What is it with me not being able to stay on topic? Good grief. It’s like some stream of thought shit. Or maybe it’s adhd. Attention span of a gnat 🥴

Well…I’m probably losing my peer support person, Kellie. I couldn’t think of a damm goal when I saw the peer support supervisor, and I honestly thought she was going to get back to me about that, but she didn’t. Kellie told mom over text that I wouldn’t agree to any of the goals they came up with, which isn’t true. All I said was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do the goal of swimming every week. That’s too much and I want to do other things as well! Also, pools are basically people soup and pee. That’s why I much prefer the lake beach at Paddy’s Creek. I’m sure people pee in there too, but lakes are huge so I don’t worry about it. There’s an indoor pool close to my parents house, but…people pee soup. 😣 Kellie won’t go to the lake beach, and I haven’t asked Karen about going yet. I miss Denise SO much, it’s not fair! She was almost always up for the beach. Anyhoo… even though I’ll probably lose Kellie, I’ll still have my individual support, Karen. She’s more likely to do stuff like Denise did, but I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ She rarely has time for me anymore, I don’t think I’ve seen her for a few weeks, and she’s supposed to be here once every week. It’s really a bummer…often times, she’ll have a freaking opening at 9am, which…no. I have explained why I won’t do that and I’m not going to explain it again. I wrote about it here. It’s somewhere down there. *sigh* I don’t think it’s fair to take me off peer support. It’s not set in stone or anything, but it’s likely. ☹️ I just didn’t want to go swimming every single week! That really came back to bite me…but I don’t think I was being disagreeable at all. I just politely gave my input and we ran out of time.

Lol Friday my parents neighbour asked me if I was “channeling Stevie Ray Vaughn” 😂 I said I didn’t know what the hell I was channeling. I was just wearing my black hat, black shirt, black pants, and of course black boots. All black everything. It was definitely the hat haha. Him and his wife both asked what band was on my shirt and I told them “Fields of the Nephilim”. They commented they’d never heard of them and I said that they were a gothic rock band that was mostly active in the 80s and 90s and that’s why they didn’t know them. They love music and said they’ll check the Nephs out, but Carl McCoys voice will probably scare them away because it’s deep and a bit growly. lol I always try to get people to check out my favourite bands but I never tried with those two 😬 Hey, maybe they’ll like it…but probably not. 😛

I still need to post a pic of my cat statue that’s made in that style I was talking about in a previous post. I’ll come back and add it here later tonight I guess. Maybe some stranger will stumble upon this and be able to tell me something.




Google is actual shit. Google accounts are so hard to edit and my “brand account”, not even sure why I have one of those, lists me as male for some reason and I can’t change it. Maybe that’s why I’m seeing these nasty ads of AI women jilling off. I already dislike Google as a corporation, and then they bought YouTube and objectively ruined it. It sucks that there are no real viable competitors.

Karen is coming at fucking 9:30 this morning. I’m still not asleep, obviously. I had something I wanted to do when we go out and forgot what it was. My memory is so awful. 😞

Edit: for my own reference – I remember now, I want to go to some places like tractor supply or American freight or whatever and look for a pallet to put my printer on. Sad that I have to put it on my fucking blog to remind me. 😑


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I really don’t feel good. I’ve felt kind of woozy and faint when standing up. Now I’m feeling cold-hot. I have a fan blowing on me but I feel both cold and hot. It’s very uncomfortable. I took a strenuous shower, and I say strenuous because exfoliating my scalp is a lot of work, at least to me…my arms could barely stand it. I feel like I’m hot because of that, even though I’ve been out for over an hour.

Oscar jumped in with me again. Twice. It’s become a thing. He’s gonna do it every time lol. At least he didn’t scare me this time.

I get paid tomorrow at midnight. I can make the payment to Etsy and open my shop and work on it a bit. I’ve made a couple of banners which I’m not particularly keen on. Maybe I should pay someone on Fiver to make one, I dunno. That’s some people’s specialty, definitely isn’t mine! I can also get my new domain and start working on that layout. My primary collective is the only site I won’t pay someone else to make the layout for. It kind of has to be my own. It’s usually the best I can make.

I’m going out with Bobbie at one today, we’re supposed to go to hickory and hit some thrift shops. Looking for those leather jackets again…maybe stop by Outback and get some cheese fries or something. I hope I’m feeling better by then. I don’t believe I’m getting sick or anything, this happens sometimes. Maybe I need something to eat…

Edit: YouTube is being disgusting. I keep seeing ads for an AI app for lonely perverts, with what I assume are AI generated women doing sex acts. It’s so realistic, I wouldn’t have known the difference if it wasn’t an AI app. It’s barely offscreen but you can tell they’re doing a certain uh, activity. It’s just gross, and I don’t want to see that shit when I’m watching videos. I’m not the fucking demographic you’re seeking. Ya nasty, YouTube. Ya nasty.

Otherwise, I’m feeling a lot better than I was. I ate some macaroni and I’m drinking my 62oz of water. I kind of regret the ronies because they didn’t taste that good but that’s all I really had to eat. I need to find something that’s better after I get paid.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my ring size is 12.5. That’s why the rings I order off Temu are always a little too big or a little too small. I hope my fingers go down to a better size after I lose more weight and not an in-between size like that, which no one ever carries. I got a really cool ring today in my Temu package. It’s a size 12 and it’s actually a little bigger than I expected. Twelve is usually a little tight but fits, so I guess this ring runs larger. It’s a pretty big, flashy ring with a coffin on the front that opens to reveal a skeleton. It’s wicked, I love it. I’ve gotten some great rings off that site, most of them have been pretty good quality. I got a metal wall sign with a diagram of the Lament Configuration (from the Hellraiser series, in case you’re not familiar) as it’s my favourite of the  puzzle boxes and I wanted it on my wall with my other Hellraiser stuff. It’s not as high quality as it looked in the picture, but I still like it. My wall art of the dramatic fainting possum was pretty poor quality…I was definitely disappointed but it’s still going on my wall with my other possum art. This haul was one of the lower-quality ones I’ve had. I did get my name necklace (has my name in a gothic font with a bat underneath) and the chain is a little short for my neck, as were all the necklaces in this one. I just need to buy a bunch of silver extenders. Wonder if they sell those on fucking Temu haha (just checked, they do)

I decided not to do another Temu haul video with that one because I don’t even know how to edit the first one. What would be the point lol

Listening to: The Marionettes – Ave Dementia




I wish I knew how to use editing software. I am not tech smart anymore and am not hiring someone to do it for me. I’m not going to make money on videos for a looong time, if at all. You have to have 1000 subs I think, and then can apply for monetisation. My personal YouTube account only has 500+ subs and that’s after more than 12 freaking years of sporadically uploading music. It’s hard to get subs! To get subscribers, you have to make good videos and I do not know how to turn the ideas in my head into reality.

Edit: I truly have the attention span of a gnat.


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Oscar did the most unhinged thing he’s ever done while I was in the shower. He actually jumped in with me. And would not get out. I almost screamed when he touched my leg. He finally got out on his own. The hell, buddy? Are you going nuts? Oh, he jumped in again after I got out and started licking the shower floor 🤢  WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Jeebus!

Edit: Now I’m in bed and he’s lying next to me with a very smug look on his face.

Edit 2: I watched the video I made and what the fook? I must have said “very nice” about 15 times throughout its 40+ minute run time! Borat pics are definitely making an appearance when I’m editing. Also “I like it” was frequent, but not as much as “very nice”. What is wrong with me lol. I must have been a little nervous.

Listening to: Seraphim Shock – After Dark