JFC!! I felt pretty bad this afternoon and I thought it was either the unhealthy food or taking my pills a couple hours late, which isn’t usually a big deal. It takes a little longer than that to make me feel really bad. I think it’s the 200mg of provigil, which makes me feel hopeless because it wasn’t until I started taking the 2nd 100mg pill that I was able to stay awake. Is that all going to be taken away from me now? I don’t think I can take the 2nd pill anymore. I’m not going to take it tomorrow and see what happens.

I took half an Ativan and laid down. I realised I needed a nap and fell asleep. I just woke up about 20 minutes ago (midnight) and I feel so anxious like I’m buzzing inside. That’s the only way to describe it. Buzzing, trembling and shaking. I just took the other half of that Ativan and feel maybe a tiny bit better but….what the fuck was that??? I wonder if there’s another one in that family of drugs I can try that maybe won’t fuck me up and FRY MY CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM…😟

Sigh

I claimed my free mothman plush on Temu just now. It’s so cute! I had also gotten bathroom towels that read “live, laugh, lobotomy” 😆 They’re probably really small though. Eh. I think I got something else with that on it too. Temu is becoming a burdensome addiction 😭 I gotta stop!

I went to the storage building with mom and got the bathroom shelves out, because I asked if I could use them since they’ve been sitting there for years. They sit around/above the toilet. Nothing to nail in or anything, not that the building management would let me do that anyhow. I can put towels or little trinkets and doodads on it. I definitely see some Temu stuff being displayed there, like the “please don’t summon demons in the bathroom” sign I got. *cringes at my obsession with that fucking app*

My Etsy wig dude has finished my wig, and mailed it out yesterday but failed to send me a final picture. I just wanted to make sure the bangs were short enough. If it’s not teased enough I can do that, but I can’t cut bangs. If they’re not short enough, I don’t know who I could go to to get them cut and styled. I’m afraid to use mom’s curling iron because it’s stuck on one heat and she doesn’t know if it’s high or low heat. I was told to use low heat. The wig is synthetic and human hair mixed. I am also scared to brush them. Afraid I’ll rip the hairs out. Like if I want to comb out the teasing to clean it or whatever, how safe is that? Are wigs meant to be brushed like normal hair? I’m a total novice. I have lots of questions.

I think I like blabbering in this silly blog because it calms me down, especially after how I have been feeling yesterday/this morning. It’s boring and that’s okay, because no one has to read it. 👌