Tag: sites

Nov 02 2025 November 2, 2025 November 2, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I renewed one of my domains a few days ago. This particular domain extension is regulated by a European country I believe, and has an odd renewal process. It will expire 6 or 7 days before the expiration date, which makes NO sense, but whatever, it’s theirs, they can do what they want with it. I pay it the first of November to avoid that problem, as the expiration date is towards the end of the month. Anyhow, when I paid for it, I generally use PayPal because it’s directly connected to my bank account… this time I forgot to tick “PayPal” and instead paid by card. A bit later I realised it didn’t show on my bank app. I went back and looked at the last four digits of the card it used, and I don’t recognise it. I don’t think any of mom’s cards are in there, don’t know why they would be…unless she helped me out at some point and I don’t remember. I asked her to look at her banking site and let me know if $30something came out. She said nope. The fuck? Who paid for it? It has to be one of hers. I was worried I would get an email saying the payment didn’t actually go through and mess up my domain somehow. I haven’t. I’m concerned and very confused lol whose money did I steal

I write about the most boring shit haha

I got approved for some fanlistings I had wanted previously, and two that I owned 8 or 9 years ago. I don’t still have the member lists for one of the two I previously owned, luckily a friend who had adopted it from me and closed it a while later still had the sql! Now I have to gather the energy to get on my damn laptop which I haven’t touched in at least a couple of months. I don’t want to but I’ll do it…soon. *procrastinates as usual* I mean I love fanlistings, I love owning them but it’s gotten harder in the last few years. I’ve had this as an on and off hobby since 2004 when I made my first fl. I wish I still had that energy and dedication. I’m not going to let them get on troubles and close. I’ve wanted to own the fl for Stonehenge for a long time, and it recently became open to apply for because the previous owner neglected it or something. I 💜 megaliths!

My body feels like it did when I ran out of Lyrica and mom didn’t tell me because I’d freak out. CVS just would not fill it! I was absolutely miserable and told mom “I don’t think the Lyrica is working anymore!” Then she told me I’d run out. I didn’t have it for around two weeks and that period of time sucked. I feel like when I didn’t take it, maybe a little worse. Everything hurts. I feel like it’s mostly fiery nerve pain, but also my rotator cuffs and the worn down messed up vertebrae in my neck. I forgot which ones they were, c-6 and c-7 maybe. Or c-5 could have been one. Well, whichever they are, THEY SUCK, HARD. I wish someone could fix it, but dad has had both neck and back surgery and it did NOT go well, sooooo. 😅 There has to be something I can do to lessen the pain but I don’t know what that is.


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Oct 15 2025 October 15, 2025 October 15, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I’ve gotten a couple emails from the vet clinic. Oscar is doing fantastic!! He’s responding drastically to the insulin, a lot of his energy and desire to cuddle, as well as annoying the ever loving shit outta me while I’m trying to get to sleep has come back. He’s also jumping up on things a lot more, particularly my bed which he was rarely doing before. His drinking and urination have sharply decreased. He’s getting his wet food and shot every 12 hours. He’s not really begging in between which I am SO thankful for, because he never shut up before! I think he’s just really excited to get wet food twice every day, and he didn’t like the “stink cereal” to begin with. Only problem is he’s still walking flat footed but the vet said that could improve when we get his diabetes controlled, especially if he’s able to go into remission. Other thing is that he has inflammation in his pancreas which he will need an ultrasound to be able to see what’s going on with that. Some things are still elevated (like sugar and whatever) but she said that’s normal for diabetic cats. Overall, he’s doing wonderfully and I’m so relieved. It took a burden of worry off my back. The very expensive senior blood panel tests were 100% worth the hassle!! I started to make a claim on the lemonade insurance app but it requires a little work and some annoying things I have to do, like make a video of me explaining the problem. I don’t do great on camera. Also I’ve had more trouble speaking properly lately. I think I might have write it and read it for the video. I’m not sure exactly which documents I need to send, I guess I’ll contact customer service about that. They were very helpful in getting his documents added to my account.

So far, I’m very happy with the service….except the video thing 😅 I don’t wanna. But I will. The camera on my phone makes me look exceptionally fat, AND ugly! I know because I sometimes have zoom (bleh!!) meetings with my psychiatrist and I keep looking at the little window with me in it and cringing 😬 There is literally no way to position my phone to make myself look any better. I used to turn off my camera so I was a black box but after a while she made me turn it on 😭 I actually have an appointment with her Friday, but in person. It’s important because I’m going to discuss getting off SSRIs and Benzos. I’m terrified of what could happen if I do that but I can’t keep going the way I am. It’s essentially medication induced dementia. At least I hope it’s the medication 😕 I can’t do it anymore, I get more and more scared every day. It’s got to be the SSRIs and benzos. Benzos can actually cause some kind of brain injury or the equivalent of. They both have these nasty memory loss side effects. I went to Reddit (Google almost always includes a relevant Reddit thread) and read the SSRI thread and people were saying it’s like their brain just stopped functioning. I was relieved to see so many other people are experiencing the same symptoms. I read a paper on Benzos, which was…enlightening. I wtf’d all the way through it. It was actually a medical professional’s presentation on his/hers experience with Benzos. I was left wondering how this shit is even legal! The cure sometimes really is  MUCH worse than the disease. Weed is still illegal in a lot of places but this crap is PRESCRIBED to people. I’m left mind blown after learning this stuff. I wondered why so many people say “I wonder what SSRIs they were on” when someone shoots up a place or whatever. Now I’m wondering if there really is a correlation. 😕 I now understand that there’s such a thing as “SSRI rage” and I have a BIG problem with that. Again, it makes me wonder. The anger has negatively impacted some of my relationships, particularly with my mom. I had an anger (and violence) problem when I was 9-13. I got over it. Then I started the Sertraline a good while back (mid 2010s? Can’t remember) and I RAGED like never before. I did not make the connection, just questioned what the FUCK was wrong with me. It has not let up since, and I am always extremely upset and guilty about it, but I cannot stop it. It’s like being possessed by a rage demon. I can’t stop the word vomit. It comes out no matter that my mind is screaming for my mouth to close. Horrible for me and whoever pissed me off. I just want to be normal and I hope getting off these fucking poisonous meds will help. I want to be as mentally well as possible for someone with my problems!

Anyways, I wrote entirely too much about that. No one cares about your meds, Serina.

I had to cancel my day with Lauren because I felt SO bad when I woke up. To be fair, I felt just as bad when I was struggling to sleep. My arms and legs felt heavy, like they were lead. I had to take a shower but I knew I couldn’t manage that in the state I was in. I feel ultra crappy about not going out with her because I wasted three hours of her time. I’ll admit I wasn’t upset about not having to refill my pillbox today 😅 I always have bad neck pain and sweat terribly when I have to. She was also going to show me how to use the washer and dryer today. I was kind of looking forward to learn so I could wash my damn clothes whenever I want.

I hate hate hate to say this, because it’s troublesome (and never happens!) but I think I like Lauren. “Like” with a capital L, I mean. She’s a bit of a butch lesbian, which is what I like in general when it comes to women, with a few exceptions. I have no desire to do adult stuff with anyone but I’m certainly not asexual, I’m just grossed out by it I guess. Makes it hard to find someone. I’m pretty sure she’s not “grossed out” lol. I also think she has a girlfriend. Oh well. Reckon I’ll just have to deal with it 😂  I don’t have anyone in my life to tell. I think most of them might suspect I’m a bit dyke-y because of how I look, dress, and how un-feminine I am. I’ve never outright said it or officially come out of the closet. I did admit to being bisexual to mom when I was 16. Somehow I don’t think that counts since I now am strictly into women. I have hinted but I don’t think she really gets it. I have to get it off my chest or I’ll go coo-coo bonkers, and nobody wants that. 😝

Aside from all that, I need to open my laptop, despite my lack of energy, and make that fanlisting I was approved for. It’s for Stonehenge, which I wanted for a long time. I have always been fascinated by the ancient megaliths, stone circles and dolmen found in Europe. Stonehenge in particular. I learnt about druids and Stonehenge when I was really young (don’t know where I heard about it either!) and surprised a few of my teachers in grade school knowing about that and various nature things. Anyhoo, the owner let her fanlisting close for whatever reason and I pounced on it. I’m a little afraid to contact her and ask for her member list .sql file. She’s quite…stony? I don’t know a proper word. Icy? Impersonal? Curt, perhaps? I don’t know, but she makes me nervous 😅 And yes, I’ve talked to her in the past. Some people just come off as scary like they might type aggressively at me 😆

Good night, internet. I’m a little sleepy.


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Jul 19 2025 July 19, 2025 July 19, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Ugh.

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I was getting put on the troubles list a bunch on both TFL and TAFL. Turns out that codesort fucking CRAPPED OUT on me and none of the codes or any image in codesort are showing. On my animanga fanlistings I had to manually add three codes of different sizes on the codes page until I can fix this bullshit! I barely have the energy to do anything but I forced myself. TFL also has a weird rule that any image linking to their site has to be working. Since they were in codesort, they weren’t. I had a perfectly fine link in the intro to all my fanlistings, which is all I thought was required…that’s a silly rule. I just went into enth and deleted all the fucking images from the stats templates. The images for my fanlistings in enth aren’t working either for some reason I can’t fathom, so silent.am looks like absolute shite. I don’t know why these scripts fuck me over so often. It seems like every few years, enthusiast will just…stop working. Blank screen. Fanlistings no longer show stats or members. I have to reinstall the stupid thing and add them all again and change ALL the damn config files in ALL the fanlistings and worry about getting on the troubles lists again. I swear, sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the trouble. I seriously considered just letting them close the other day. /sigh

But they are very nostalgic. I opened my first fanlisting (and one hate listing haha, that site is long gone) in 2004. They were all closed, but I came back to the fanlisting community periodically but mine always ended up closing. I came back to fanlistings for good in 2016 and I have certainly closed more than a few in the past nine years, but I still have a lot of the ones I opened in that time. I even revived some of the really old 2004 ones with the same layout and old members lists! I decided I will never let them go. They are too nostalgic to me. Too Sentimental. So I forced myself to fix almost all the rule breaking problems just now. I don’t know what to do about my non-animanga fanlistings. I don’t know how I can fix codesort, or if I even can. At least I won’t get on troubles for that at TFL, unlike TAFL. TFL doesn’t require codes. They prefer that you have them, but it’s not breaking any rules if you don’t, so I can take my time to figure out what’s wrong. Honestly I hate PHP scripts sometimes, they seem to break a lot for no apparent reason. ☹️ It’s the most efficient way to run fanlistings if you have more than a few, though. In the 2004 era, I didn’t use enth, I updated everything manually. I only had a few though, so it wasn’t very taxing. I have a ton now. I was thinking of switching to the other one, forgot what it’s called. It’s an alternative to enthusiast. ListingAdmin? I think that’s it. It requires more code which would be annoying…idk. I don’t know how much more stable it is than enth. Enth has new updated forks for PHP 8 on GitHub. I’m using two different forks for both my enth installations. Don’t know really which is more stable. I can’t remember which one crapped out on me last time or if I was even using either at the time. Eh.

My air conditioner is still not fixed, it’s hot in my bedroom and I sleep with no covers. I wish they’d come fix this before Monday. I cannot stand it. Also, the huge window unit is making my lights flicker when it comes on. I’m afraid it’s going to blow a fuse or whatever it’s called. My microwave did something similar but it stopped working. Not sure how that works, but that’s what our maintenance man said. He got it working again but I already got the new one so I’m just gonna keep it.


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May 22 2025 May 22, 2025 May 22, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Wow, Bibles are quite expensive, at least at Barnes & Noble. I wanted a Catholic study Bible but it was $60. I have tried to read the KJV a loooooooong time ago, but I understood nothing, because it’s written in 17th century English. It was like trying to read Greek! Obviously I could read the words because I’m perfectly literate, but my goodness people spoke in a way back then that is completely different than modern English! I know there’s a plain English version but I have to be sure it’s Catholic. I don’t want to not have all the books that got removed in the KJV. Then again, I feel kind of stupid for having to read plain English anything. Back when I wanted to convert to Judaism, which was quite some time ago, I had an app that had daily wisdom from the Torah. I opened it up and read that days post. My only reaction was “Wut”. I mean, I understood what they were doing, but there was zero cultural context! I didn’t understand the meaning of it. People did things differently at that time. There were nuances and cultural things that only historians or theologians know the actual meaning of. Or someone with a huuuuge 7” thick study Bible like my grandparents had 😅 or maybe someone with google lol. I have a feeling if I asked a priest what that cultural custom meant, he would have no idea. The custom I’m referring to is, if I remember correctly, one man was telling the other something important and he placed his hand on the other man’s thigh, and it was significant somehow. Must’ve been a cultural thing at the time 🤷‍♀️ Also, that 17th century English didn’t help. 😭 I want to understand lol. I’m going to look for a Catholic study Bible on Amazon. Maybe they have one that won’t destroy my debit card.

I also got a few DVDs. Unforgiven, Natural Born Killers (how did I not have that already? For shame!) and The Case for Christ. I want to watch that one with my parents. I need to strengthen my faith. I believe but it isn’t as strong as I would like. I find it difficult to feel it strongly. It can be hard to have really strong emotions because depression meds can really blunt emotions. My brain is fried from 20 years of SSRIs. Meds will do that when you’re on them long enough. It’s the zombie effect. But yeah, I know God exists because I received a gift that medication cannot equal. I was blessed with relief. Something no pill ever did for me. All I did was ask for a sign, and I got it. I didn’t realise it until the next day (because like I said, I’m not that bright 😬), but when I did…my miracle happened. Anyhow, enough about me. The guy who made the documentary (I think it’s a documentary anyhow) was an atheist before, but converted after his search for historical proof…or something. I’ve never seen it or read the back yet, because Im scatterbrained haha. I’d heard about it before and just grabbed it. I’m very curious about what he has to say about his personal journey. Maybe it could help guide my own a little.

I will say that Barnes & Noble is ridiculously overpriced, particularly their DVDs and Blu Rays. Some movies were $40-50 even though the movie came out 40 years ago and it wasn’t even a Blu ray or Criterion Collection edition! 0_o What the heck, man. I could get the same thing off Amazon for a third of that price. Or less. This is why I’m glad I’m a thrift store movie nut and usually buy used movies on Amazon. I save tons of money. There were a lot of movies at B&N that I wanted but they were all at the very least $25. They also had a bit of British TV, none of which I could afford. They had good stuff, it’s just not affordable. The ones I got were all under $10, so they did have a few reasonable ones. But still.

I was out with Karen and had a good time. We were talking about how a bird shat on her car and how weird the poo looked. I then told her a gross secret from when I was a kid 😆 I’m not saying it here, but I will say it involved bird crap. So few people know lol. I only told mom when I was in my twenties! She was so grossed out lmao. I was a strange child. I’m also grossed out by my five year old self! I think back to some of the weird things I did as a small child and wonder what the hell I was thinking at the time 😭 I’m not gross anymore, I promise. I have bad OCD about touching certain things and washing my hands. I won’t touch things I consider “tainted”. Which is many, many things, unfortunately. 😅

I think I’m finally going to use Karen’s Hulu account. I was listening to a really good creepypasta last night, and many people in the comments were saying it reminded them of a show on hulu called “Paradise”. If there’s a series similar to that great pasta, I’m gonna have to see it! I like to listen to the cosmic horror stuff and horrifying creatures from other planes of existence. I also love space horror. I listen to other kinds of course, but those are my favourites. I also love nasty monsters. The grossest ones. I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to the nastiest monsters I could find. It’s titled “Nasty Monsters” because I’m not creative 😆 It’s about 10-12 years old and hasn’t been updated since then, but I look at it when I need my nasty monster fix. 😬 Anyhow…I’m not sure what “Paradise” is actually about, but I’m going to google it now. I’m super curious. It can be hard for me to get into series because I strongly prefer movies because I have a short attention span, but if it’s similar to the plot of that pasta I’ll probably give it a go.

Someone actually narrated the famous “Have you ever played the left right game?” and it’s SIX HOURS LONG. That’s dedication. I also found one I read like ten years ago and was one of my favourites. Narrated, it’s over four hours long! I think it’s called something like “My friend spent time in a parallel universe”. It’s been a long time since I read those on Nosleep. So many people were completely invested in the Left Right Game pasta, me included. Got all excited when the next part got posted. It really is that good! I actually have a nosleep story rec site on Neocities. It doesn’t have enough links and I haven’t updated it in several years but I sometimes go back and reread stories I linked. Here it is: https://remina.neocities.org/ It’s got a junji ito design because I was going to add horror manga recs, but those manga sites are unreliable and just freaking disappear sometimes. I did have some linked before, but the site took the whole manga off their site for some reason. I had linked particular stories from “Gyo” and of course the classic “Amigara Fault”. Geez, I think everything I added was junji ito 😆 I didn’t really work on the horror manga section much. I just got rid of it because I’m lazy and all the manga I linked to disappeared. Anyhow if you like good creepypastas , check out my puny little site. They’re my personal favourites. Again, it’s https://remina.neocities.org/ I might actually update it sometime soon when I’m not feeling super lazy.

I got some donuts from Krispy Crème as a little reward to myself for my great report from my doctor. One raspberry filled and one crème filled. I can’t believe I haven’t eaten them yet. 🤤


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Mar 01 2025 March 1, 2025 March 1, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Me and mom had a BAD fight today. Words were said. Bad ones. So I had a shitty day. Now I’m hunkered down in my chair, bored as hell. I don’t know what to do, really. 

I’m back to taking long naps in the afternoons and sometimes later at night. I’m not happy. I see my psychiatrist next week. I will ask her to do something about it.

Oscar has his vet appointment also next week and as I said before, I dread it. I hope he’s okay. I plan on putting him back on Hills Science Diet and wet food every couple of days because that’s what I can afford. I went all this time without knowing much about cat health and that’s my fault. I just did what I always did with my past cats. I didn’t know about ckd or anything like that. I really should have studied it more before he became a senior cat. Now he’s 10 and I feel like I could have done a lot more for his health. I’m getting ahead of myself again because I don’t know if anything is actually wrong with him. I always imagine the worst case scenario.

I think I’m going to try Chime mobile banking. Telco’s app has turned to shite and I can’t depend on it anymore. I’m going to test chime out and see if it’s any better before doing anything rash.

Edit: god damnit! A bunch of my anime fanlistings are on troubles at TAFL!!! I sent ALL the moved or closed forms in a long time ago, I even wrote about it here. I only received an email about one of them from the staff even though a whole bunch are on troubles. I honestly think something is going on with their email, and I do not want to be punished for some glitch, or for someone not checking that email. I do not need that strike on my record. I’m going to email the staff, hopefully it goes through. 😑

Edit 2: okay I emailed all the senior staff. I asked if someone could look into the matter.

As if my day wasn’t shitty enough, now I have that to stress over…


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Feb 18 2025 February 18, 2025 February 18, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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http://endymion.nu has a temporary layout thanks to Ainna! That’ll stay until I can think of something else.

I’m not having a good time of it lately. Just depressed and feeling stuck. Not a lot to say either.


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Feb 13 2025 February 13, 2025 February 24, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I napped for four fucking hours tonight, from around 8pm to 12:30am. I think I need a bigger dose of Vivance.

I made an image to use in the layout of Endymion.nu and I just don’t know how to implement it. I really suck at this. I’m not as creative as some people I guess.

Im paying a friend to make buttons for the site because I’m lazy and yeah 😅

I moved windsprite.nu to leprd.space’s hosting today. It was actually a pain in the ass. I forgot there was a WordPress installation in there and when I realised it, I deleted the folder and it took the longest time while I needed to do other things but couldn’t because ftp was busy deleting. I also deleted the contents of windsprite off the previous hosts server and the stupid wp installation took equally as fucking long to delete. I had two going at once. It was hard to get rid of. I had no idea WordPress had that many freaking files!! Of course that was with themes and plugins, but still. I miss Greymatter. Anyone out there remember that? It was so simple and an easy to customise blogging platform that you could easily install on your own site. I would make my own layouts for my blog and have it up and running in a snap. Of course that was back in 2003-5. It’s wayyyy too outdated now. I doubt it’s been supported by its creator in at least 15 years. It’s a shame, I’d love to have been able to use it again due to its simplicity. I don’t believe it required even a database, but I could be wrong.

I had my doctors appointment today and I’m down two pounds and my a1c has gone down. So that’s something.


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Feb 12 2025 February 12, 2025 February 12, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I was stressed today, so mom took me to the BBQ place and we ate river chips 😀 That usually makes me feel better. Had to take an extra Ativan anyways! I was hot and shaky and my pulse was racing. Don’t know what that was about.

I got my package from KILLSTAR today, I remember one thing that’s in it but forgot the other! Brilliant! I have yet to open it and try stuff on. I didn’t feel like it I guess. I’m really afraid the pants won’t be high waisted enough. That’s the only kind of pants I’ll wear because I’ll be DAMNED if my fat hangs over the top of my pants. Absolutely not. Gotta tuck it in. That’s also why I invested in a (shitty, I need a different one) belt.

I also got the last Temu package I ordered at the beginning of the month. I got two belts in that one as well as the “memento mori” sticker I’ve been waiting for. It’s going on my new phone case, which seems to have disappeared. Damnit. Still waiting for that replacement pop socket too. It hasn’t shipped or anything. I understand that it’s handmade but it feels like I ordered it a while ago.

http://endymion.nu is up and running! As you can see, it’s pretty ugly at the moment and has no layout. I did too much tonight and didn’t feel like making one. I uploaded all the fanlistings, installed enthusiast (all by myself!! Yay), added them all into enth, edited the config files for each one to reflect the changes and sent in thirty six moved forms. So yeah, was kind of burnt out after that. I’m going to attempt a decent one myself, but if that doesn’t go well I’m considering asking a friend if I could commission one from her. I don’t know if she takes commissions or not. One of her recent BSSM fl layouts enamoured me for some reason. Very simple and elegant. That’s what I’m going for. I wish my coding was better. I’ve been making websites for 25 years and never really learned how to code WELL. By that, I mean it’s messy and I never use headers, footers or most importantly, stylesheets. All because I’m lazy and just slap it in there. Also, stylesheets tend to confuse me just a little bit. I understand perfectly how they work, I’m just not good at making them.

I think my host is definitely mad at me; she hasn’t answered any of my emails. That really upsets me. I understand that I can be annoying but….damn. I still have to move windsprite to leprd.space. That’s where I have most of my sites hosted. It’s kind of funny, I almost never have to bother that host. Probably because I have almost complete control over my own stuff via cPanel.

Listening to: This Ascension – Mysterium


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Feb 10 2025 February 10, 2025 February 10, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I apparently broke a big rule at TFL. They sent me an email and I fixed the problem quickly. The rule is not to use a JavaScript auto update thing, which I wasn’t. I had used a php script that allowed me to change the update dates on all my fls at once, but I did it by hand so I didn’t think it was breaking any rules. I’m praying they don’t post it on the front updates page and humiliate me, because fanlistings are one of my favourite hobbies and I would have to quit. I had to take an extra ativan. I am so nervous over everything. That, and I have an apartment inspection tomorrow. I also have a doctors appointment Wednesday as a follow up to my bloodwork, and I don’t know what she’s going to say. It’s all too much.

I got my California Deathrock photo book and it’s really pretty. I also got my mesh shirt from hot topic. I’m gonna try it out with a black tank top. I don’t think I’ll feel too exposed but we’ll see…

I bought Endymion.nu and have uploaded all my animanga related fanlistings to it, as well as a copy of enth. I have to wait for the stupid domain to become active, it’s still pending at stablehost. They do that to check for fraud. I need to get this done asap. I sent tafl a downtime form so I shouldn’t get in any trouble for that. But who knows, all I ever seem to do anymore is get in trouble in some way. *sigh*

Edit: just emailed my host (one of the senior staff that emailed me about my fuckup *groans*) and let her know that it would be best if I hosted windsprite.nu on my own because I bother her too much about it, but that I want to keep my Serena.anime.nu subdomain and make it something nostalgic and enjoyable.

I just feel like one big shitshow right now and genuinely pray no one’s really mad at me. I can’t deal with people being mad at me, it makes me a nervous wreck. I always feel like a burden who annoys everyone and I can’t seem to do anything right. Another thing I find annoying about myself is that I’m constantly apologising about literally everything I do. It annoys me and I don’t know why I always do that, I guess I just feel like I shouldn’t even be talking to that person because I’m probably annoying them in some fashion. Reading back on some of the emails I’ve sent is embarrassing. I’m sorry for this im sorry for that, sorry to bother. I’ve got to stop that but my self esteem is in the toilet and I don’t know how to fix it. I need to talk to my therapist about this.

Oh, and she basically confirmed body dysmorphia last time I was there…so I can stop thinking I’m crazy about that. What’s wrong with me has a name, and for that I’m glad. I’m not just some vain nut job. Other people have the same problem. I’m not totally alone.


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Feb 07 2025 February 7, 2025 February 7, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Since I can’t seem to install NinjaLinks on gothic.nu, I’m testing a WP plugin on this blog before I go ahead and install WP there. It’s…confusing. I wish NinjaLinks would just fucking work! It’s supposed to be an updated version 😑 I hate php scripts, they always give me grief. Always have to have a friend install them for me because I undoubtedly will miss some silly detail and it will fail. Bleh. I wish things were more straightforward and user friendly for us dummies.

Domains. I’m now trying to choose between Endymion.nu and usagi.nu. I decided I didn’t want to pay for another .am domain. I might still get crystaltokyo.org and do something with it as I mentioned before. Usagi.nu is almost too good to pass up. I don’t know yet.

And geisha.nu? I….I’m not sure I like the name anymore. Someone just slap me, please. I’m insane. I dread to ask my host to change it back to windsprite 😅 I’ve asked her to do so much shit and she’s so nice about it and I really do not want to annoy her! I feel like a burden sometimes 🙁 Windsprite has been established since 2022 I think. People know it. My personal contact form is there. Why do I need to change things so often? It’s like a weird impulse.

Went out with Bobbie at 10 and had a good time but got horribly overstimulated somehow. I had to take half an Ativan lol. I finally got up the courage to go to Eccentric Lion (tattoo and piercing place) and ask about their pricing, but there was no one there even though the open sign was flashing. Odd. I was actually kind of relieved because I like the place in hickory better. I know for a fact it’s sanitary and there’s no pretentiousness that I picked up on when I was there. I felt comfortable. I’m going there next week to ask some questions.

Edit: I sent my host the email and cringed all the way through it. I figured I’d just go ahead and rip the bandaid off. Oh it makes me so nervous!! I hope she’s not going to be mad at me.

Better take the other half of that Ativan…


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