I’m a little insecure about my teeth since I didn’t always take great care of them, so I bought some 5D teeth lightening powder, that purple stuff that’s supposed to cancel out yellowing. It seemed to have good reviews so I decided to give it a try. If it makes a difference, I’ll get more. *crosses fingers*

I feel awful. I don’t know if it’s because I had a somewhat (read: very) unhealthy lunch or because I didn’t get to take my meds until 5pm because I was out all day. I went to Outback Steakhouse with Karen to take advantage of their lunch deals. I wondered, will I finally get to eat a good, even if really small, steak? The answer is no, no I did not. It tasted and smelled kind of iron-y. Also no one ever understands what “give it to me as rare as you legally can, please.” means.  I don’t know how I can possibly phrase it more clearly. It was medium rare or more. I gave it a try and no ma’am. I got refunded for the steak and just got myself some loaded cheese fries and ranch. That’s one of my favourite things, but it seems to have messed up my stomach. 😅

I believe I’ll leave it up to dad to grill my steaks from now on haha

I tried that Maybelline powder foundation which looked pretty good until I looked at myself in the car mirror with sun shining on my face. I could see every fucking wrinkle, ones I had no idea were there. I slammed it shut and tried to pretend I didn’t see that…😭

Mom tried convincing me I need my extended family. I asked why. She said “because you need people, who knows, you might need them someday.” I disagreed. I said no, they make me feel judged. I’m not doing that to myself anymore. I’m not going to feel that way if I can do anything about it. That’s why I’ve said for a long time, after mom and dad are gone, and I hope that’s far, far in the future, I’m outta here. I’ve only been trying to escape since I was sixteen…I’m not going to force myself to stay here just because I have extended family. I won’t be held hostage by that silly logic. I don’t know where I’ll go. Maybe to the coast. I love it there.

Anyhow. I’ve become interested in makeup. I’m very, very bad at applying it, however. Today, I tried to put on some eyeshadow and it went everywhere except where it was supposed to. I did it with my finger because I don’t know what brush to use. I’ve started watching eyebrow tutorials on YouTube since I’m getting these ugly things lasered off my face, and I do not plan on growing out my eyebrows again. I’ll just be a weird eyebrow-less creature when I don’t feel like drawing them on. I’ve learned a bit so far. It’s daunting, honestly. I got some $12 foundation from Revolution London, I think it’s called. It’s a very light shade. I’m hoping it’ll cover up the redness. It’s medium to full coverage. I got that brand because of a YouTuber I watch for her goth makeup videos. I hope it’s good and doesn’t make my face oily!