Proud to report that I have so far not eaten or drank anything too sugary since I got out of the hospital. 👍

Otherwise…I feel like I’m having an existential crisis of sorts. I’ve been witnessing all the cruelty and hate in the world and it’s so much worse than I’ve ever seen it be in my life. Just, the pure HATRED I’ve seen is enough to rattle my psyche. WW3 looming over our collective heads isn’t helping either.

I’ll give an example. I saw a video of these two kids in a car. They ran over a man on a bike purely for fun. His body hit and broke the windshield and they laughed while he laid there and died. Then I saw another where they were in court, they were laughing and flipping off the guy’s family.

What even IS life when people like this exist? What kind of parent raises an empty shell of a human filled with ignorance and sociopathy? And it’s not just that. I see stories and often videos of people, especially teenagers, doing the most horrible, horrible stuff. It’s like a never ending stream of pure fucked up.

I’ve just been questioning “why”. Why do we exist if this is how we’re going to act? If someone or something intelligent created us, why did they do it if we were going to turn out like this? What is the god damned POINT?

Sometimes I’ll see someone do an act of good and think “Well, we’re not completely irredeemable after all.” but unfortunately that feeling doesn’t last long. I’ll see another horrible thing and fall back into my usual misanthropy.

I dunno, it’s just worse than ever and is actually affecting my life in a negative way. That’s never really been the case before. I could compartmentalize it effectively.

I just feel a general sense of disgust and disappointment. I wish it would go away.