I feel like I’m in an awkward stage in life, not very young anymore but also not yet middle-aged. Somewhere in between that. I feel like it’s almost “controversial” somehow, to express myself with clothing, tattoos and piercings at my age. According to some others, people my age are “too old” to look different. I’m just now leaving my youth. I turn 40 in 2025. I still sometimes feel youthful, but I sort of feel ashamed of expressing it, or I’ll get shamed, probably behind my back, by extended family. I always try to avoid them because I am uncomfortable with those situations.  I will say, they are good people and I don’t dislike them. But I feel like they’re judging me because I’m not married with a family. I didn’t go the traditional route in life like they probably all expected, and because I didn’t, something’s wrong with me.  I don’t think they know I’m gay, either. 😅

I’m not “experimenting” anymore. I left that behind in my early twenties. I just am who I am, now. I’m not trying to “shock” people with my clothes, makeup, tats, piercings, hair colour, or whatever. I dress and present myself as I please, for my OWN happiness. Other people are not in the equation. I’m almost 40 and I’m still rocking the goth look as much as I did when I was a wee 13 year old baby bat.🦇  so, am I wrong for continuing to be alternative as I age? I really don’t think so. But sometimes I feel guilty.

Anyhow! Needed to get that off my chest. My anxiety is a bit better now. That’s been stewing for a while.

Mom gave me money for Christmas (because she never knows what to get me except for new underwear lol) and let me get myself some stompy boots (which I haven’t had a pair in a loooooong time, literally since Hot Topic was selling that type of thing…I don’t think they do anymore), a floofy skirt and some lace-up tights (I love lace up anything). Thanks mom! I got them from goodgoth.com 🖤 Her and dad’s presents already came and she has them. I unfortunately had to spoil her surprise because I really didn’t know what kind of long jacket-sweatshirt thing she wanted and I didn’t want to get her something she wouldn’t wear again, like the very comfy socks I got her last year. She still walks around in the holey ones like some Dickensian street urchin 😂 At least she still wears the pretty sweater I bought her, I guess.

I’m really looking forward to crisp new underwear. I can’t even tell you. You know you’re fuckin old when you get excited over that.

I hope anyone who reads this has a very merry Christmas and a wonderful holiday season. 🎄🥂