What the fuck is happening?
My dad has been in pain since around 2001 from failed back syndrome, and back and neck surgeries. He had three in total. He’s felt bad for a long time. However, it’s gotten so much worse in the past few months. Since he took that “special” gummy that made him sick for weeks, he just has not fully recovered. I’m not sure if this latest horrible development has anything at all to do with it. I highly doubt it, but still, what a weird sequence of events. He’s been getting low grade fevers every night and is stumbling around. He’s been weak and has fallen multiple times going back to the first surgeries, but this is different. He’s not talking a lot. Mom says dinner is mostly silent. That is not normal in our family. We’ve known that something is seriously wrong for a couple of months now, but shit has taken a real swan dive in the last few weeks. He finally told his doctor what was going on so he ordered bloodwork and an ultrasound.
Dad hates doctors, that’s why he let whatever it is get this far along. Dude, I totally understand. I generally can’t fucking stand doctors because they never believed me, sabotaged a lawsuit I had going on, called me a disgusting name, would not prescribe pain meds after a car accident that left me all messed up, etc. Those were all different doctors! I GET IT. A lot of them are arrogant fuck nuts! It took me 20 freaking years to find one I like! Dad’s been done even dirtier. He had a great doc who was also a good friend who took care of his medication needs, but when he retired, dad was kind of on his own in that respect. His doctor would refill his pain meds. His current doctor would not (pussy.) so he went to a pain clinic. He got them for a while, but due to a fuck up on THEIR END, his assclown doctor said she wouldn’t refill his prescriptions, and was a total bitch about it…you know, for good measure. 🙄 They got his appointments mixed up and decided to punish my dad for it. After that, he kind of gave up and weaned himself off all his pain meds, which in my opinion was dumb as hell, and now he’s in terrible pain, all the time, with zero relief. He bit off his nose to spite his face. The already low opinion of doctors went down even further. It’s in the basement now. Maybe even under the basement. Through the Earth’s crust, even. I requested to go to an appointment with him and explain to his doc exactly why he’s a gaping puss in person, but dad declined to let me do that 😅
I felt the need to explain the extreme disdain for doctors so maybe it would be more understandable. I think it matters a lot in why things got so bad. Personally, if I was feeling as bad as he does, I would go to the ER! I do not understand the mentality of just sitting around feeling like he’s gonna die but not doing anything about it. I don’t understand that part. To sum it up, things have been really bad for a while but he finally caved and got help.
Anyhow, the bad news.
He went for bloodwork and an ultrasound of the liver and pancreas. Today he got a call from his doctors office and was told that his ultrasound and bloodwork results were abnormal, and his doctor wants him there tomorrow to talk to him personally. I do not think that’s a good sign, like at all. We are concerned about cancer. The worst outcome imo is pancreatic cancer. It could be either organ though, or something else. Me and mom were nervously saying “maybe it’s pancreatitis or something that can be treated”. I just have a really bad feeling about what I’m going to hear tomorrow. A really bad feeling. So does mom. I really hope we’re wrong, but it sounds bad. I know he’s not getting any good news about it, but…yeah. Not-as-bad news would be great. *sighs*
otherwise…
I made the required insurance video and the vet clinic emailed me the records again. Now I have to make the claim. I’m nervous. Knowing I have to do three or more of these soon is really stressing me out. Shoot, if I call the vet assistant, something I’ve been too nervous to do and I want mom to be there so she also knows how, to show me how to use the syringes and how to get insulin out of the lantus pen with it, that’ll cost me $40 and yet another claim to make. I don’t know if I can get something pre-approved if I’m expecting a big bill. I don’t just have $400+ lying around, you know? I don’t have it. I do, but that’s ALL the money I have left after bills and rent. I don’t always have even that much left. I have $400 left, tops. I’d be completely broke if I had to pay that, because claims aren’t approved immediately. Right? I’d be waiting to have ANY money for however long that process takes. 😣 Ultimately, I’m just glad Oscar doesn’t seem to have anything else going on except for some pancreatic inflammation which he’ll have an ultrasound for, but the vet didn’t seem to think it’s anything to freak out about, so I won’t freak out. I just want to know what’s causing it and that it’s not something dangerous.
Edit, next day: I didn’t even want to make a new post about this because it’s really depressing, so here you go. Dad has between stage 3 & 4 Cirrhosis of the liver, as well as nodules that may or may not be benign. He’s got to have a biopsy of those nodules and an MRI to determine more about his condition. I don’t know a ton about cirrhosis, so I really don’t know what to make of this whole thing yet. He had Hepatitis C until about 9 years ago after taking interferon. That drug is a miracle. I believe he had some cirrhosis back then due to that, but it reversed? I might be confused about that. I’m dumb, gimme a break. I don’t know how long it takes to progress. Mom said that whatever happens we have to “come together and deal with it”. To be honest, I could barely handle mom’s uterine cancer when I was a relatively normal teenager. What can I do? I need some guidance.
She didn’t say anything about how dad reacted. She seemed fine when picking me up to get dinner, but I know she’s not okay on the inside. Dad probably won’t show a lot of emotion to me, never does.
When he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes around 1997, he said something about killing himself to get me and mom the insurance money. I heard him say that. It’s the kind of mindset he has sometimes, unfortunately.
That’s the story. We’ll find out more in the coming week.