Tag: adult bullshit

Nov 11 2025 November 11, 2025 November 12, 2025 NoComment by Eden

What the fuck is happening?

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My dad has been in pain since around 2001 from failed back syndrome, and back and neck surgeries. He had three in total. He’s felt bad for a long time. However, it’s gotten so much worse in the past few months. Since he took that “special” gummy that made him sick for weeks, he just has not fully recovered. I’m not sure if this latest horrible development has anything at all to do with it. I highly doubt it, but still, what a weird sequence of events. He’s been getting low grade fevers every night and is stumbling around. He’s been weak and has fallen multiple times going back to the first surgeries, but this is different. He’s not talking a lot. Mom says dinner is mostly silent. That is not normal in our family. We’ve known that something is seriously wrong for a couple of months now, but shit has taken a real swan dive in the last few weeks. He finally told his doctor what was going on so he ordered bloodwork and an ultrasound.

Dad hates doctors, that’s why he let whatever it is get this far along. Dude, I totally understand. I generally can’t fucking stand doctors because they never believed me, sabotaged a lawsuit I had going on, called me a disgusting name, would not prescribe pain meds after a car accident that left me all messed up, etc. Those were all different doctors! I GET IT. A lot of them are arrogant fuck nuts! It took me 20 freaking years to find one I like! Dad’s been done even dirtier. He had a great doc who was also a good friend who took care of his medication needs, but when he retired, dad was kind of on his own in that respect. His doctor would refill his pain meds. His current doctor would not (pussy.) so he went to a pain clinic. He got them for a while, but due to a fuck up on THEIR END, his assclown doctor said she wouldn’t refill his prescriptions, and was a total bitch about it…you know, for good measure. 🙄 They got his appointments mixed up and decided to punish my dad for it. After that, he kind of gave up and weaned himself off all his pain meds, which in my opinion was dumb as hell, and now he’s in terrible pain, all the time, with zero relief. He bit off his nose to spite his face. The already low opinion of doctors went down even further. It’s in the basement now. Maybe even under the basement. Through the Earth’s crust, even. I requested to go to an appointment with him and explain to his doc exactly why he’s a gaping puss in person, but dad declined to let me do that 😅

I felt the need to explain the extreme disdain for doctors so maybe it would be more understandable. I think it matters a lot in why things got so bad. Personally, if I was feeling as bad as he does, I would go to the ER! I do not understand the mentality of just sitting around feeling like he’s gonna die but not doing anything about it. I don’t understand that part. To sum it up, things have been really bad for a while but he finally caved and got help.

Anyhow, the bad news.

He went for bloodwork and an ultrasound of the liver and pancreas. Today he got a call from his doctors office and was told that his ultrasound and bloodwork results were abnormal, and his doctor wants him there tomorrow to talk to him personally. I do not think that’s a good sign, like at all. We are concerned about cancer. The worst outcome imo is pancreatic cancer. It could be either organ though, or something else. Me and mom were nervously saying “maybe it’s pancreatitis or something that can be treated”. I just have a really bad feeling about what I’m going to hear tomorrow. A really bad feeling. So does mom. I really hope we’re wrong, but it sounds bad. I know he’s not getting any good news about it, but…yeah. Not-as-bad news would be great. *sighs*

otherwise…

I made the required insurance video and the vet clinic emailed me the records again. Now I have to make the claim. I’m nervous. Knowing I have to do three or more of these soon is really stressing me out. Shoot, if I call the vet assistant, something I’ve been too nervous to do and I want mom to be there so she also knows how, to show me how to use the syringes and how to get insulin out of the lantus pen with it, that’ll cost me $40 and yet another claim to make. I don’t know if I can get something pre-approved if I’m expecting a big bill. I don’t just have $400+ lying around, you know? I don’t have it. I do, but that’s ALL the money I have left after bills and rent. I don’t always have even that much left. I have $400 left, tops. I’d be completely broke if I had to pay that, because claims aren’t approved immediately. Right? I’d be waiting to have ANY money for however long that process takes. 😣 Ultimately, I’m just glad Oscar doesn’t seem to have anything else going on except for some pancreatic inflammation which he’ll have an ultrasound for, but the vet didn’t seem to think it’s anything to freak out about, so I won’t freak out. I just want to know what’s causing it and that it’s not something dangerous.

Edit, next day: I didn’t even want to make a new post about this because it’s really depressing, so here you go. Dad has between stage 3 & 4 Cirrhosis of the liver, as well as nodules that may or may not be benign. He’s got to have a biopsy of those nodules and an MRI to determine more about his condition. I don’t know a ton about cirrhosis, so I really don’t know what to make of this whole thing yet. He had Hepatitis C until about 9 years ago after taking interferon. That drug is a miracle. I believe he had some cirrhosis back then due to that, but it reversed? I might be confused about that. I’m dumb, gimme a break. I don’t know how long it takes to progress. Mom said that whatever happens we have to “come together and deal with it”. To be honest, I could barely handle mom’s uterine cancer when I was a relatively normal teenager. What can I do? I need some guidance.

She didn’t say anything about how dad reacted. She seemed fine when picking me up to get dinner, but I know she’s not okay on the inside. Dad probably won’t show a lot of emotion to me, never does.

When he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes around 1997, he said something about killing himself to get me and mom the insurance money. I heard him say that. It’s the kind of mindset he has sometimes, unfortunately.

That’s the story. We’ll find out more in the coming week.


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Nov 10 2025 November 10, 2025 November 10, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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The Tortured Soul of Mr Delicious, Fast Food’s most bizarre mascot

Mr Delicious, a middle aged dude in a suit who’s cheating on his wife and complaining about hemorrhoids is a great fast food mascot 🤣 That is a wild marketing move. Hell, it might actually work in today’s world. Somebody needs to do it. But not just some poorly designed boring looking guy in a suit. The first thing I noticed when I saw the ads was how dull the illustrations were. Be more creative!

Anyhoo, I’m drowning in vet bills. They charge $40 to do a sugar check! I’m scared to call the vet assistant to come over and show me how to use the syringes and I guess how to draw it from the lantus pen, but I don’t know if I’ll get a $40 bill from it! I made my video for the first claim after putting it off for a fucking month because I have stage fright and look godawful in pics and videos. I did it, reading a script mom wrote. I had to try a couple times because her handwriting was unusually janky 😅 I suppose I need to ask the clinic to email me those specific records again because the original link expired. I also was not able to download the PDF to my phone. I’d have to do that on my laptop but….I’m both nervous as hell about making the claim and also lazy. I am not fond of getting on the laptop anymore but I have to do that, as well as making those fanlistings. Oh, and I have two make two more claims! Like I said, they’re piling up! I do not like the part that requires me to make a video. Can’t I just explain the situation in writing? 🫩 Gotta make it difficult somehow. *sigh*

I was hoping that my Wednesday outing with Lauren might include looking for someone who ethically breeds golden retrievers, and get a price so I can figure out my money.

In 2000, I got my previous cat, Mr Hideki, from a lady whose Siamese recently laid a batch of kittens. 😬 My boy Oscar was a rescue. I go back and forth from buying and rescuing it seems. I’m more likely to rescue a cat more so than a dog. I know that seems awful, but if a dog has been abused or straight up taught to be mean…You just don’t know. I’d never have a pitbull, I’ll tell you that much! My old neighbours rescue collie was a maniacal fucking shit demon assmonster straight from the pits of hell who chased me constantly and made me feel afraid to go outside. He made me have more than a few nasty bike wrecks. Not to speak ill of the dead, but…fuck you, Tipper.🖕

I do plan on looking for one at the shelters first, but sweet, loving dogs like that get adopted REAL fast. It’s difficult to catch one that hasn’t been put on hold for someone. I would rather adopt than shop, but I think I’m not gonna have much luck. But I’ll try.


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Oct 28 2025 October 28, 2025 October 29, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Oh god I’m so relieved!! I thought I accidentally overdrew my account last night while paying off Affirm and Klarna bills. I really thought I was gonna wind up  $100-200 in the red! I went to the bank and they are so helpful. That’s why I love Telco. They do not get annoyed with me even though I misunderstand stuff and ask for help sometimes. The lady that helped me explained some things about the app that I just couldn’t understand for whatever dumb reason and assured me I wasn’t overdrawn. I have $143 left, actually and just used $100 of it to pay off half my credit card.

I’m using $20 to get a friggin buzz when Lauren comes to get me. My hair is driving me bonkers, it’s doing the thing where it forms a literal POINT on top of my head and it looks so stupid. I don’t know why that’s the default state of my hair once it grows out too much, and there’s no way to comb it down either. Can’t wait to be rid of that 😅

The vet assistant actually did have an emergency yesterday and that’s why she didn’t come pick up Oscar. I hope no animals were harmed. She’s supposed to be here to get him any time now. I just wanna put my jammies on and eat dinner but I’m having to wait. I need to be cozy in my jammies and eat my delicious chick-fil-a which is still in the bag.

Ah, she just came and took him. Shouldn’t take long, it’s just a sugar check. That reminds me I still need to get a sugar kit on Amazon. They’re made specifically for cats.

Im still pissed about the Albanese Joy Division shirt kerfluffle 😂 I wanna tell them how dumb they are (Sky News Australia I mean as well as commenters who bought the bullshit) but I hate hate HATE arguing on the internet. So, so much. I hate drama and never start it myself, ever.

Anyhoo

Mom was driving me home Sunday night, and one of my favourite songs came on. “Richard Hung Himself” by D.I., a punk band. The song is from 1983 and played a big part in the soundtrack to the movie Suburbia. She said “Richard hung himself?! I thought I was hearing it wrong until I saw the title!” It was funny, guess you had to be there 😅 I explained the song and she wasn’t offended or anything lol. My mom is 75 and we listen to my music together almost every day. I swear this woman has been exposed to far more music than most 75 year old moms. She says she likes the majority of what I play, mostly the goth stuff. That’s pretty cool. She’s 75, but she’s what I would call a rocker, even though she looks nothing like that. I’m really hoping she’ll wear the super cool T-shirts I’m getting her for Christmas, even though they have short sleeves. I got her a very subtle Wednesday Addams shirt that says “I don’t evolve, I cocoon.” She likes the Addams Family, but I really got it because of the cocoon reference. Every day when she drives me home, I say “Go home and cocoon.” 😬 That’s what we call putting on a blanket and curling up on the couch, which is her favourite part of the day lol. I still haven’t entirely decided on dads shirts. Mom is getting that one, The Beatles, and Queen. Dad is getting “I have rabies” and…lmao I forgot which ones I had in mind besides that. I get stupider by the day, I swear. Maybe I should get him a Queen shirt as well, all three of us are Queen fans so I know he’d like it. Hmmm

So Friday is Hallowe’en/Samhain. We go out to eat on Friday nights, but I don’t know if we’ll go anyplace special. I’m really hoping I see kids trick or treating on the streets rather than those stupid “Trunk or Treats” they have at Churches,  because I feel like churches killed Halloween at least around here! I feel resentment for that. Even if they’re just trick or treating at the stores in downtown, at least they’re out. Nobody goes house to house anymore, which I find depressing. It also makes me feel so thankful that I did most of my growing up in the 90s when trick or treating was normal. I usually had a friend with me and even though we were young, my parents gave us space and lagged quite a distance behind, while still keeping their eyes on us. It was a wonderful experience as a kid and was SO different than it is now. Kids go out only in the daylight now, and sometimes not even on Hallowe’en, which is just lame. The city council determines when the stores hand out candy 🙄 No such thing when I was a kid, and we always went out ON Hallowe’en, didn’t matter if we had school the next day. We also went out towards dusk and stayed out probably until 9 or 10pm. People seem to be allergic to that kind of fun now. It’s more fun in the dark 😸 I’m so glad I had a normal, non-sterilised experience. I did wind up in a church one Hallowe’en though, which was a godawful experience 😂 I wrote about that at some point. They also didn’t give us candy. Today, that experience would probably count as some kind of child abuse 🤣 haha

Oscar just got back and I have to reduce his insulin to 1.5 units, which can’t be done with a lantus pen. I am not yet comfortable with syringes. I’m scared I’d accidentally give him too much and kill my own cat. The vet assistant told me which kind to buy at Walmart and said she’d stop by tomorrow and show me exactly how to use it. It sucks to not use the lantus pen anymore because it was so simple. I’m afraid I’ll have to buy insulin as well, because it’s about $100 for one bottle even though it lasts for months. That means I’ll have to make more claims on his insurance. I haven’t even made the first claim yet because I have to make a video and I’m scared I’ll say something wrong and they’ll deny me. I’m asking Lauren to help me do that tomorrow. She’s very proactive and structured and I love that about her. Makes my life so much easier, and even better, more productive. Doing things I’ve been meaning to do for a while but procrastinated on. Anyhow when I got his insurance I had no clue that making a claim would require a video and various other things, which is something that should have been disclosed! Ahhh I don’t wanna. But I must.

Well, I’m finally in my jammies and under a blanket and my delicious magic chicken sandwiches await me. Have a good one, internet.


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Oct 28 2025 October 28, 2025 October 28, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I just got done paying off all my debt I could. I’m afraid I might have overdrawn, I hope not. All the charges are listed in my banking app. I once again don’t know if the pending charges are included in my balance. That irks the hell out of me. I’m definitely not going to be able to pay off that credit card. I think I’ll pay $50 into it monthly instead of $25, so it’ll be paid off in three months rather than six. I also owe mom that $200.

All this money stuff confuses me. But to be fair, everything confuses me.

I canceled my physical therapy appointment for today. I don’t see the point, and I’ve never put much stock into it. My insurance will only pay for a few visits anyway, so I don’t see any reason to bother with it. My arms and neck are getting worse, unfortunately for me.


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Oct 25 2025 October 25, 2025 October 25, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I still can’t qualify for the loan because of how little I make. Closing a credit card as well as two hard pulls on my credit has wrecked my score. It went down 80 god damn points. Closing the card knocked it down 18 points. The hard pulls though…I don’t understand why having your credit checked destroys your fuckin score. How does that even make sense? What is the logic of that? What the fuck, man…

Mom’s going to apply for the loan herself, at her own bank. If she gets it, I’ll just give her the money every month. I am so angry about this. I’m hoping my score will bounce back to what it was in a few months…I hope I hope. I don’t understand why, but my credit score gives me such anxiety. Is that normal? Or am I coocoo bonkers obsessive…😕

My individual support Karen, who I mention here often, got fired for the stupidest fucking thing ever. Her offense was something that warranted a write up or warning. What did she do? She bought one of her clients cigarettes. CIGARETTES! How did the powers that be even find out about this? SOME PIECE OF SHIT NARC’D. Who the fuck else even knew about that and why did they feel the need to tattle like a lil bitch? Absolute cuntiness. 🫩 Now theres only one individual support left, and that’s my old buddy Denise. The kindest thing they could do is pair us up again. She must be working hard, because she’s gonna get a few of Karen’s people.

Karen did say we could still do stuff and go places even though it’s not her job anymore. She also has promised to “step up” if something ever happens to mom. It is comforting to hear that and I really hope we don’t lose touch again. I’m awful at texting people cuz I never have anything interesting to say 😓

I keep thinking “I need to write about this thing!” but I always forget what the hell it was. I had other things to say, dammit!


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Oct 20 2025 October 20, 2025 October 20, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I woke up today, went to the living room, and….there was an area in my dining room with SHIT smeared on the tiles. Just in one place, looked like it was smeared in a circular way. I got ahold of Oscar and rolled him over. Squeaky clean, no shit. If he had done this, his bottom area would have been covered in poo. So, how the fuck? Is someone sneaking in whilst I’m sleeping and smearing crap on my floor? It was nowhere else in the apartment. The area around it was clean as a whistle. I’m baffled and kinda disturbed 😳

I didn’t get the loan. The lady who put everything together and sent it to be approved was told I would have had to qualify on my own first, which I do not understand. Mom was gonna co sign and help me out! Anyhoo I’ve been sent to the fellow next to the bank who does loans. I don’t know when I’m going to do that, soon I hope. I really need this. I need to pay off the very small amount of debt I have. It might not seem like much to most people but it’s a real burden on me. I realise that some people wind up with $10,000 (or a lot more!) of debt, and that must be absolute hell to deal with and pay off, but they probably make a lot more money than I do. The monthly payments are making things difficult, and I’m honestly not doing much to help myself. I’m horrible with money, I don’t even know what a budget is (I do but suck at it. I’m not that dumb 😓), and I am the WORST impulse buyer I have ever met! I’m always buying things. Always. Etsy and Amazon are a blessing and a curse 😭 I admit that I do have a problem. I absolutely have an addiction to buying shit. I know it, no one has to tell or lecture me. I am aware.

Really though….WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A CO SIGNER THEN???? What is the purpose if not to help someone get the loan? Someone please explain! This bullshit confuses me!

🫩

 


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Oct 17 2025 October 17, 2025 October 17, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I went to my bank to apply for a loan! My chances are good if mom co signs. My income is low and the loan I’m applying for is about $1600 plus a few bucks and she said the ratio is off. My monthly payment would be just over $100! That’s…I wasn’t expecting such a low payment! I was thinking it would be at least $250-300. Mom has to send some info to my bank so she will be able to sign on with me. I’m friggin excited! If I’m approved this will help me SO MUCH. Judging by what the lady explained, I’ll get it either way. Sometimes if someone isn’t approved, they’ll send them to a guy next door who does loans. I’ll admit I don’t understand all of this, but as far as I know, I only need to make my monthly payments without there being a problem. 😊

Super duper excited. This will free up so much money! I was paying $360+ every month to pay off my Affirm and Klarna debts. I really let that get out of hand. 😅 Also there’s the $200 I owe mom. I left off the $200 to pay the remaining balance on my stupid credit card because I thought it might be too much, and I was right. I’ll just be annoyed for six months, throwing $25 into the abyss 😭


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Oct 12 2025 October 12, 2025 October 12, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I closed my capital one card, my first and only (so far) credit card. I am scared of how this will affect my credit score. I just couldn’t deal with the never ending cycle of trying to pay it off and never being able to just DO it because I don’t have enough to cover the whole balance every month when all it does is pay one bill and accrue more fucking interest. Now I have to pay $25 into it for six more fucking months to pay it off once and for all. I’m going to get another one after asking more questions so I get the least crappy one I can. I do question if I actually need one. Would not having a cc affect my score negatively? If not, I don’t know if I want to get another one. I need to talk to someone who knows about this. I might ask the people at Telco (my bank) when I go to apply for my first loan ever Tuesday. I’m applying for $1624. I might add $100 to that to help me this month. I want to pay off all the Klarna and Affirm payments, and the $200 I owe mom for the vet payment snafu. I’m hoping consolidating my debts will give me a significantly lower monthly payment than I’m having to pay now. I’m just hoping my credit will show that I am trustworthy and will pay it off diligently. There are many things I don’t understand and I may be wrong in what I’m saying about pretty much everything I’ve said in this post lol. I’m gonna get clarification when I go and apply.

Oscar is already doing better after only three shots. He’s urinating less and it doesn’t smell as gnarly. I hope he’s feeling better since this started. I worry about him, like a lot. Cats and dogs are just kids that live on the floor 😁

I have an appointment with the gastroenterologist tomorrow morning. Since they couldn’t complete the procedure last time, I have to start over completely. I hope I don’t have to wait months like the first time, not being able to properly swallow half the time is a real pain in the ass!! It’s also uncomfortable and makes it difficult to concentrate on stuff or get to sleep. It’s pretty disruptive and has plagued me for years, but it finally got so bad that I’d had enough. I was told about how it could be stretched out to solve the problem, even if it has to be done again every year or two. I really wish I’d known that before I suffered for so long 😅


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Oct 10 2025 October 10, 2025 October 10, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Rough day

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I’ve definitely had a rough day. I’ve been in crazy pain for three days now. It’s not an intense stabbing pain, but it’s pervasive all over my body. Literally everywhere. It feels like nerve pain with a side of chronic neck pain, something which has also been worse lately. I have been doing really intense stretches and crunching and while it does help for a while, the pain comes back after a few hours. I have taken four Aleve today, 12 hours apart. The “exercises” I’ve been doing are so harsh I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if I broke or tore something. I do think I’ve broken a toe, but that was quite a while back. I’m miserable 😞 It’s affecting my insides as well.

Oscar had a 2.5 hour vet appointment today. I got him an exam, urine thingy and a senior cat blood panel which is really extensive, which is the reason I was there in the first place. I found out from the pee test that he has diabetes, which didn’t surprise me, I fully expected it. His blood sugar was over 400 which scared me. Sometime in 2008, I told dad I felt awful and he suggested checking my sugar. He used his kit and my sugar was well over 300. That’s how I found out. Knowing he was most likely feeling really bad for months made me so sad. I’m feeling guilty for not taking him way earlier, but I didn’t have the money for everything he needed, and that’s one big reason I got him insurance. I knew whatever was wrong was going to be chronic and require lots of vet visits, and I wanted to be certain I could cover the costs of whatever he needed. I reached my $250 deductible today by a LOT (there was a major snafu with the payment….ugh.) so I’ll be filing a claim to get  $150 back.

As for the payment snafu, I think it’s time to close my Capital One card. The interest is so freaking high and with my credit, I can definitely get a much better one. I am afraid the hit my credit would take from closing a card. I don’t know why that happens, but it’s fucking idiotic. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much. I might take out a small loan from my bank to pay mom back because she wound up taking most of the hit because of an honest but really dumb mistake I made. She now doesn’t have enough money to make it through the month and I feel terrible. That was my first credit card and there were things I still didn’t understand about them. Turns out all the money I paid into it every month was eaten up by interest. I was looking at the wrong fuckin number, basically. It’s labelled “balance” which I did not really understand. I thought I had roughly $150 on it when I actually had $54! My flabbers were gasted. I am going to be so paranoid about cc’s now…

And lastly, I do feel a lot better about Oscar’s health. I was so afraid they’d tell me I should have him put to sleep. I’m still afraid because I don’t know the results of his blood tests. I was extremely concerned about his weight loss, because it could have been related to cancer, but it was actually diabetes. He weighs 11lb now. Vet wants him at 9lb. I will be giving him his own Lantus pen and giving him one unit in the morning and one unit at night. That’s great because one vial of insulin costs a little over $100. I always have excess Lantus anyways.

That last bit was supposed to be short but whatever lol. Now I gotta take a nap. I’m old and busted.

Wait, I forgot to say I bought Silent Hill f on steam even though I didn’t really have the money 😬 Reading some comments on the tfl.org forums, it looks like I’m in for some shit. I am not good at puzzles. I ALWAYS cheat lol. Someone said you can’t really find anything to help with what sounds like a monster of a puzzle. The puzzles in other SH games were hard as hell, but this sounds like it’s worse. Oh lawd. I’m afraid to start it haha


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Aug 14 2025 August 14, 2025 August 14, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Life updates

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My credit score went back up to 730, I found $150 I didn’t know I had on my credit card after finally activating it (lazy lol) which really helps me out, and I am seriously worried for my cat. Two good things, one not so good.

Oscar lost most of his ability to jump up on the counter or my bed literally overnight. Like one day he could, even though he had many incidents of “failure to launch” and fell back down. The next day, he couldn’t. He was able to jump over the edge of the tub whilst I showered, so that give me a tiny bit of hope. I have been picking him up to places he usually jumps to, and it’s just disturbing how he lost a generic cat ability overnight. I’m wondering if he suddenly developed hip problems. He has also been isolating himself from me, almost like hiding. He rarely comes into my bedroom to lie in the doorway like usual. I’m so scared somethings wrong with him! Anyways, he is going to the freakin vet asap. Also I need to get something to entertain him, particularly for senior cats. I don’t know what that would be….Guess I need to do my research. 🧐

Went out with Karen today. I got a much needed haircut (I can exfoliate my scalp now, yay!) and ate at Applebee’s. There were a bunch of people kind of giving me the stink-eye today 😳 probably because of how I was dressed. I haven’t had anyone give me THAT LOOK since like…2011 at a Walmart 😭 It was so weird today! 😅

My fingernails have grown ridiculously long and I just don’t feel like cutting them because I loathe the nail clippers I have. Oh well…it hasn’t made my hands go to sleep like usual, so…I reckon they’ll be loooong for a while lol. Lazy as fuck 😂

I can’t stand this fucking heat anymore!! I can’t go to the beach, nor can I even go to the lake beach since I can’t find the stupid umbrella! That’s the only time I don’t mind the heat, when I’m at the beach. This is so aggravating, where the hell’d it go??? I really want to go at least a couple of times before summer ends. No one wants to help me look for the damn thing either.


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