Category: thoughts

Feb 05 2025 February 5, 2025 February 5, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I checked my bank app and am now only $11 in the red. There are mysteriously no more pending charges. I hope that means nothing more will come out. You tell me that isn’t fucking weird. Something is glitching for sure.

Why do I have so many appointments this week? I have two today. I have to be vampired (aka bloodwork) and I have an appointment with the eye doctor. I’m hoping they’ll look into contacts for me. I also want to know why the vision in my right eye is getting slightly worse again.

Edit: Just spent 20+ minutes of my life applying for the three 90s Sailor Moon movies (R, S, sS) and I have never felt so stupid, each movie has like three titles!! I didn’t know which order to put them in. Let’s hope the category staffer doesn’t get too annoyed with me, because I just got on the troubles list for a fanlisting I wasn’t able to finish in time. Please don’t turn down my applications, I spent too long applying for them! 😭

I sincerely regret adopting out my Sailor Cosmos fanlisting too. Like, really. At least I still have my Artemis fl!

I need to get my cat something to engage him for when I’m out or asleep. I think he might be a little depressed or something. I don’t know what he would want to play with or what could possibly entertain him.

Edit 2: So I’ve just emailed two friends asking whether they like crystaltokyo.org or Endymion.am better. I hope they both say the same one, that would make it so much easier!


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Feb 04 2025 February 4, 2025 February 4, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Thank fuck the power is back on.

I am now $45 in the red and it’s going to get worse. Mom said we’d do something about it. What, I don’t know. I have been severely bamboozled. The worst bamboozlement. Mom said I should add and subtract what I buy and pay on paper. That always seemed tedious to me and I’m terrible at any sort of math or numbers…but I guess I’ll get out the calculator and try it since I can’t trust the fucking banking app anymore!! 🤬

I decided I’m going to split my fanlistings up into two sites again. Animanga and Japan related on one and everything else at silent.am. I am eyeing the domain crystaltokyo.org when I have money again, because I really wanted a BSSM related domain. I thought of Endymion.am as another BSSM option to match silent.am, but am leaning toward the cheaper one. For now at least. I may wind up springing for endymion.am next month. I don’t fucking know lol. Fickle she is!


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Feb 04 2025 February 4, 2025 April 28, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I took a coat I bought on Etsy to the UPS store and said “I need to send this coat to Pakistan.” and they were speechless. 🤣 Turns out it would cost me about $300. So what the fuck do I do? That’s more than twice what I paid for it. Etsy doesn’t really help when it comes to stuff like that. They just make you contact the seller, who I have been talking to a bit. I sent him a help message. I don’t know what to do about this. There was a huge snafu with my money this month (something that has never happened that I never expected and that may get much worse if it is what I think it is 😖) and Klarna has threatened to resume payments on the coat if I don’t give them tracking information, which I obviously don’t have. I’m panicking. I still can’t believe or even comprehend the money situation, but let’s just say it’s not good. This time I actually can’t blame it on myself. My banking app screwed me. I’ll never be able to fully trust it again.

Also my power went out about 15-20 minutes ago and I’m really worried. It usually comes back on within a couple of minutes. It’s getting darker outside and I’m afraid of the dark. It’s already dark enough in here with the curtains open. Please, please come back on. Please.

Listening to: Nosferatu – Darkness Brings

Appropriate song name…


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Feb 03 2025 February 3, 2025 February 3, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Someone, once again, claims they have identified Jack the Ripper. And once again, I don’t believe it. I don’t think any of their evidence is a smoking gun. The media outlet I saw it on took it as gospel truth without asking any good questions and that deeply annoyed me.

Went to Hickory and hit three thrift stores. I had decided that one cannot subsist on leather jackets alone, so I concluded that I should include jean jackets as well. Well, there are a lot of Jean jackets. I got some and figured I’d dye them black or even other colours. I did find a leather jacket as well. I also found a biker vest with an embossed skull on the back, and it looked pretty new. I found it in the men’s coat rack, I felt pretty lucky to have gotten that before someone else.  I’m not sure what to customise it with, but I don’t want to sell it as-is. The whole point of the shop is things being custom. Unique. Something that would be difficult to find otherwise. I so wish I had someone to bounce ideas off of. I really really do. That would help a LOT. I might bother a friend and ask them what they think. He doesn’t read my blog anymore 🙁

I found what I guess is a child’s size Jean jacket. I figured I’d paint some Sailor Moon on the back and bedazzle it a bit and a kid would love it. See, I think of the children….sometimes! Haha. I found another pretty small one that would fit a really small woman but I think I’ll do the same thing with it. Small sizes are the last to be bought, usually, but if it’s customised specifically for a kid, then it would probably sale. I know I would have loved that stuff when I was a kid or tween. I really just want to make things people will treasure for a long time. Quality is a goal, most definitely.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist that I just got back from a bit ago, and my medications are changed once again, mostly back to normal. There was one to replace the Provigil, I think it’s called Vivance. She thinks it will help my anxiety a lot. I sure hope so because I cannot keep going this way! She said it would also maybe help my very short attention span. That would be friggin great. I hope I hope. 🤞


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Feb 03 2025 February 3, 2025 February 3, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I’ve gone back to sometimes taking naps at night, usually from 10 to 12. I’m going to start taking an extra half of a Provigil pill, so that’ll make 150mg. I don’t like getting sleepy until I intend to actually go to bed and get my 8 hours. I just woke up lol

I got the Sailor Moon Boxset One, Naoko Takeuchi collection. It comes with 16 holographic art cards and a sparkly white box. It was on sale, and I could not resist! I’m very excited, I never got to read the entire series because the place I bought my manga from (RIP Media Play, I miss you terribly) closed in 2004! It kind of ended my reading of a number of series. I did not shop online much at all back then. Another sad thing is that I never saw the last two (I think?) seasons. Or maybe it was just the last season. And I never saw it in its native Japanese, just the DiC dub. I’m working on acquiring every season on DVD/Blu Ray and each of the OVAs. I have the first two seasons and two of the OVAs so far. I have the last OVA on VHS and I’ll never get rid of it, even if I can’t watch it. ❤️

Sailor Moon is what seriously got me into watching anime. All the stories I made 25 years ago and am still working on? Started as Sailor Moon fan comics. It’s still super obvious in one of them.

I miss those days when I actually liked watching anime. I don’t even tell people I like it anymore unless they bring up an older series I like. I haven’t liked a NEW series since 2013. That was Shingeki no Kyojin. Or maybe it was Kamisama Kiss…I don’t know what year that one actually came out. I tried watching some new ones a few years ago and was either bored or straight up disgusted. The creep factor was pretty high in some of them, and not the good kind of creepy. I still discover old series to this day, though, and there’s so many to check out or rewatch, so I’m good.

I actually wouldn’t mind seeing a new (or old) BL series. If anyone knows a good one new or old let me know.

My 3D printer stand is arriving tomorrow. I’ll have to get someone to help me put it together. The reviews on Amazon collectively say it’s easy to do but I always need help with this shit. I’m also not putting the wheels on, because I saw what happens to those little wheels on carpet. They warp and make the surface uneven. That happened to my craft supply cart with drawers and there’s not anything really heavy in it. The wheels are about to break! This thing has to be even. It may make it a huge pain in the arse to move if I needed to but I don’t know what else I can do. I think I’ll move my game shelf to the living  room and put the printer where that was. Otherwise it would have to go way in front of the window and I can’t do that.

Karen is coming tomorrow or so she says…we’ll see lol. Can’t hit any thrift stores since it’s Monday, except for Goodwill which is open all week. Still searching for those damn leather jackets. I don’t know what else there is to do around here. She has to drop me off at the psychiatrists office by 4:25, so we have less time than usual. I’ll probably go get some river chips.

Edit: I decided I didn’t want to pay $10 monthly to have a custom domain for Etsy. Etsy Plus isn’t worth it at this point in time because I haven’t yet made a red cent and I feel like I’m just throwing money into the abyss. If I can’t change the colour of my shop to black, it’s not worth it to me! I registered the domain with Hover, which partners with Etsy. I figured it would be easier. I don’t really like hover that much. I decided to transfer it to Porkbun, my most favourite registrar that I use for all my domains except .nu domains. There is just something delightful about Porkbun. But anyways. I figured there might be an issue since the domain is literally days old, and a lot of the time you have to wait 60 days to transfer. I decided to try and unlocked the domain and Whois privacy and added Porkbun’s nameservers. I submitted the transfer request at Porkbun and it failed. Checked Hover again and the stupid domain lock was on again. Unlocked it, tried again. Failed. I contacted Porkbun’s help email and they usually respond pretty fast. I’m afraid I’ll have to wait 60 days. That’s just annoying. I was just gonna do a simple redirect that I don’t have to pay $10 monthly for. I had to pay $11 to put in the transfer request. I hope it works and that my money isn’t wasted.


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Feb 02 2025 February 2, 2025 February 3, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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The person I bought my pop socket from told me what I’d have to do to switch the resin bat to the pop socket brand back and I can’t do that, so she said she’d make a new one for me with a 50% discount. I ordered it. I just want my cute little bat to stay on my phone! A real pop has never let me down. They adhere really well. Never get a generic substitute for something like that. You could end up with a broken phone. I’m going to keep the old one because I can’t just throw it in the trash. Maybe I could use the resin bat for something else…like a brooch or something.

Today is Sunday, so I go to the parents to eat. We’re having subs from my favourite place, yay! I asked mom to come get me earlier than usual because I want to spend more time at their house. I hate coming home though, because I start getting anxiety and feeling lonely. Oscar’s been ignoring me lately and that doesn’t help.

On a side note, I fucking HATE iPhone keyboards. I hate them so much. They make me so ragey. It comes up with the weirdest autocorrects ever and just inserts them. It gives me a really hard time if I want to go back and rewrite something. *punts phone across the room*

Oh, and since the socket fell off, here’s a pic of it:

Screenshot

Edit: I got Alice: Madness Returns for 99 cents on Steam. That game has such a cool style. Great deal, even for an older game!


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Jan 31 2025 January 31, 2025 January 31, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Etsy shop

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Behold, my new Etsy shop, https://horrorofbelladonna.etsy.com/

It’s still pretty ugly because I literally just opened it and I’m going to change the icon. I have to get on my laptop to really be able to do anything with it. But there it is. If anyone reads this, please give me a follow! Some support and encouragement would be great.

Oh no, my pop socket just fell off. I pressed it back on. If it falls off again should I superglue it? 🙁 Edit: tried something I found on Google because it fell off again, now it’s back on…for now. I messaged the seller on Etsy and asked if they’d had any problems with them before. It’s official pop socket backs with custom resin art, which is so pretty, on the top. So it seems to be an official pop socket problem, even though I’ve never had one fall off before. Maybe I just got a bad one, seems to happen to me a lot haha

I just made all my monthly payments on Affirm that I have unfortunately racked up over the past 5 or 6 months. They showed up as pending in my bank app but now they’re gone and now I don’t know how much money I actually have. I fucking hate when they do that. I already paid my rent and subtracted that and this month’s bills. But still. Those affirm payments make a big chunk of what I pay. I paid off the bills on the other payment apps so I’m good there. I actually finished paying off two plans on Affirm, so that’s two I don’t have to pay next month. Mom owes me $26 for my Christmas gift (I’m paying, she pays me back for it) so that should help…a little.

I took a chance and got that black tank top off Amazon. It was $12. I think it’ll be fine because it’s high necked. I got a mesh top from Hot Topic as well to wear with it.

Today is my day to pick where to eat and I think I’ll choose pizza. Finally, I feel like I haven’t picked in forever even though there’s only three of us. The stupid snow/ice storm threw us off a week so it’s been like a month since it was my Friday to pick. Or something. I can’t math.

Edit: I didn’t see any nasty ads on YouTube tonight 😀


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Jan 30 2025 January 30, 2025 January 30, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Google is actual shit. Google accounts are so hard to edit and my “brand account”, not even sure why I have one of those, lists me as male for some reason and I can’t change it. Maybe that’s why I’m seeing these nasty ads of AI women jilling off. I already dislike Google as a corporation, and then they bought YouTube and objectively ruined it. It sucks that there are no real viable competitors.

Karen is coming at fucking 9:30 this morning. I’m still not asleep, obviously. I had something I wanted to do when we go out and forgot what it was. My memory is so awful. 😞

Edit: for my own reference – I remember now, I want to go to some places like tractor supply or American freight or whatever and look for a pallet to put my printer on. Sad that I have to put it on my fucking blog to remind me. 😑


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Jan 29 2025 January 29, 2025 January 30, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Communication is good.

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Yes, communication is good. More people should learn to do it. No, Bobbie did not come today, and she couldn’t be bothered to drop me a text and let me know. She was late, so I texted “Everything good?” And she informed me her grandkid had a doctors appointment. Ok fine, but were you going to inform me of that (obviously not) or are you gonna let me sit there and wait for you?? For fucks sake. I had the same problem with every peer support I’ve ever had. It’s like they’re allergic to texting me when they can’t come. Like Kim and her “crises” or whatever. Couldn’t be bothered to let me know. Couldn’t drop a quick text. 30 seconds of their time couldn’t be wasted to let me know. It’s almost like they think my time isn’t worth anything. Well, it is. I don’t accept this disrespect. Because that’s what it is, disrespect. My time matters.

Me and mom went to the barbecue place and got some river chips. That kind of made up for the disappointment. I ate too many again and it made me feel ill. I’m okay though. She ate some too, it wasn’t just me being a pig. 😅

I attempted to “fix” the crappy shower caddy I got from Temu by using Gorilla glue to stick the suckers straight on the back of the thing. I let it dry overnight and when I woke up this morning, I stuck it to the back of the shower where no water touches the wall. It kind of slid down, no idea why so I tried taking it off. The sticky sucker thing popped right off. I chucked it in the fuck it bucket and moved on. No fixing that thing. I hate throwing things like that in the trash but what else am I to do with it? Couldn’t think of an alternative use.

I think I’m going to install the software for the 3D printer tonight when I feel a little better. Still need dad to come level it. I’m thinking of getting some kind of wooden (or any material, really) platform and putting it on the floor so I have room on my drawing desk again. Yes, that would be nice because where else am I gonna do artsy things?

Edit: I installed the software. There was a snafu that I will not go into because it makes me look really stupid 😓 Aforementioned snafu was not entirely my fault, however. They sent me an empty thumb drive, at least it appeared to be empty. Then I did something dumb. But I got it off the Elegoo website finally. Now I need to hook the printer up, and I think I need dad’s help for that because electronics are a pain. 😅

Listening to: London After Midnight – Kiss (Club Mix)


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Jan 29 2025 January 29, 2025 January 29, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I really don’t feel good. I’ve felt kind of woozy and faint when standing up. Now I’m feeling cold-hot. I have a fan blowing on me but I feel both cold and hot. It’s very uncomfortable. I took a strenuous shower, and I say strenuous because exfoliating my scalp is a lot of work, at least to me…my arms could barely stand it. I feel like I’m hot because of that, even though I’ve been out for over an hour.

Oscar jumped in with me again. Twice. It’s become a thing. He’s gonna do it every time lol. At least he didn’t scare me this time.

I get paid tomorrow at midnight. I can make the payment to Etsy and open my shop and work on it a bit. I’ve made a couple of banners which I’m not particularly keen on. Maybe I should pay someone on Fiver to make one, I dunno. That’s some people’s specialty, definitely isn’t mine! I can also get my new domain and start working on that layout. My primary collective is the only site I won’t pay someone else to make the layout for. It kind of has to be my own. It’s usually the best I can make.

I’m going out with Bobbie at one today, we’re supposed to go to hickory and hit some thrift shops. Looking for those leather jackets again…maybe stop by Outback and get some cheese fries or something. I hope I’m feeling better by then. I don’t believe I’m getting sick or anything, this happens sometimes. Maybe I need something to eat…

Edit: YouTube is being disgusting. I keep seeing ads for an AI app for lonely perverts, with what I assume are AI generated women doing sex acts. It’s so realistic, I wouldn’t have known the difference if it wasn’t an AI app. It’s barely offscreen but you can tell they’re doing a certain uh, activity. It’s just gross, and I don’t want to see that shit when I’m watching videos. I’m not the fucking demographic you’re seeking. Ya nasty, YouTube. Ya nasty.

Otherwise, I’m feeling a lot better than I was. I ate some macaroni and I’m drinking my 62oz of water. I kind of regret the ronies because they didn’t taste that good but that’s all I really had to eat. I need to find something that’s better after I get paid.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my ring size is 12.5. That’s why the rings I order off Temu are always a little too big or a little too small. I hope my fingers go down to a better size after I lose more weight and not an in-between size like that, which no one ever carries. I got a really cool ring today in my Temu package. It’s a size 12 and it’s actually a little bigger than I expected. Twelve is usually a little tight but fits, so I guess this ring runs larger. It’s a pretty big, flashy ring with a coffin on the front that opens to reveal a skeleton. It’s wicked, I love it. I’ve gotten some great rings off that site, most of them have been pretty good quality. I got a metal wall sign with a diagram of the Lament Configuration (from the Hellraiser series, in case you’re not familiar) as it’s my favourite of the  puzzle boxes and I wanted it on my wall with my other Hellraiser stuff. It’s not as high quality as it looked in the picture, but I still like it. My wall art of the dramatic fainting possum was pretty poor quality…I was definitely disappointed but it’s still going on my wall with my other possum art. This haul was one of the lower-quality ones I’ve had. I did get my name necklace (has my name in a gothic font with a bat underneath) and the chain is a little short for my neck, as were all the necklaces in this one. I just need to buy a bunch of silver extenders. Wonder if they sell those on fucking Temu haha (just checked, they do)

I decided not to do another Temu haul video with that one because I don’t even know how to edit the first one. What would be the point lol

Listening to: The Marionettes – Ave Dementia


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