dreams
I’ll put this under a cut because it gets kind of personal.
Last night I had a dream of one of the two guys I liked in highschool. This one was actually my best friend. He liked me too, but we never dated. Anyhow, in the dream I was hanging at his house and was going to stay the night, and it turned into a romantic thing. I was clinging to him and cuddling on him. It felt so nice TwT I should mention he did put his hand up my shirt once irl. Dream!me was kind of hoping that would happen. It didn’t, unfortunately.
I still have him on Facebook, which I don’t really use, but I always hope he will message me for something….romantic. I dunno. It’s silly…
I think I am so starved of affection that I am having these dreams. I am in my thirties and have never been in a relationship and I’ve never been with anyone either. If I had, it would have been him or the other guy I liked. Yes, I am in my thirties and I am a virgin. I’m a goddamn unicorn!
Unfortunately I don’t know if that will ever change…I have so many stupid severe sensory issues due to stupid fucking AUTISM…I don’t think I could open mouth kiss someone or do a lot of the things normal people do with each other. Who the fuck would WANT me? Who would put up with that? ARGH. People think I’m asexual but I’m not. I just have so many damn sensory problems that it prevents me from being a normal human being, and I hate it. I’m feeling particularly angry about it lately, probably because of the dreams I’ve been having.
Anyhoo, for the 0 people who read this, I hope that wasn’t too gross for ya!