Yup…I adopted another lovable little shit demon. This cat is insane, I’m speaking of Pippi of course. I came home last week to find an impressive pile of shit in my documents box, where I kept documents I considered important. Obviously. Like my internet info. It looks like she chewed some of the papers first (I hope that was first, because GROSS.), pissed all over everything and topped it off with a mound of crap. I heard her playing around with the box earlier and just shook my head and figured it was nothing. I do not know why she did this, she knows where the litter box is and how to use it. Could it be revenge of some kind? 😳

Anyhow, I had to throw the whole box out because there was no way to salvage anything in it. I no longer have my internet password. I hope my crappy isp will give me another paper.

I accidentally body slammed her a few nights ago. I don’t sit down on a couch, I FLOP down like the absolute walrus that I am. I don’t know how, but Pippi made her way across the couch at light speed and came right under me. Of course I felt her and sprung up. I absolutely lost it because I was sure my cat was injured or was going to die! She was fine and went back to playing with some paper, but refused to acknowledge me for about 15 minutes. I had already stepped on her feet pretty bad a bit earlier, because she insists on staying between my ankles. She bonks her head on my ankles so often I’m afraid she’s getting brain damage!

Sometimes she drives me bonkers, but cuddling her when she sleeps is so calming and pleasant. She likes to get under my chin for whatever reason but I don’t mind it 🥰 It’s like a fuzzy chin rest! She is so cute, it does offset the crazy a bit. Everyone says I should not have adopted her when I did, but I regret NOTHING. The only thing I do worry about is that I might not be around to care for her at some point because of whatever is neurologically wrong with me. Assuming that’s what it is, anyways. I don’t want her to go back to a shelter if I croak or can’t care for her. I need a just-in-case plan.

Anyhoo! That got a little dark. 😬

So, ACA. I had an appointment to see Jennifer but that day didn’t work out, so we called to let her know we couldn’t make it that day and that we’d like to reschedule. Never got a callback. I texted my peer support, Samantha, and asked her to let Jennifer know I wanted her to call me. I haven’t gotten a callback yet. I also have to cancel my appointment with April on the 7th and all future appointments, because she had gone ahead and made a lot of future ones on the same day at the same time. I hope the lady at the desk has the ability to cancel them all. I’m starting to lose hope there’s any chance to stay at ACA. I’m afraid they’ll talk smack about me to the other mental health place and it would affect any application I filled out to be accepted by them. I know the owner at the other one, but they all know one another as well! I feel like I wouldn’t get a fair shot. Bleh.

Moving on.

I sometimes feel that I’ll never have a decent conversation again. Ever. Mom is really the only person I talk to anymore, and I do 95% of the talking! She doesn’t really talk back or answer much. I’ll say something, stop and wait for her to say something, but…silence. It’s so depressing. I have NO ONE. No one I can talk to, anyways. I feel very isolated again, kind of like before I moved out on my own. My parents were the only people I regularly talked to. I didn’t have anybody else. It was smothering, and one reason I wound up in the looney bin! Now dad is gone, and it’s me and mom. Alone. I’m so afraid I’ll wind up in the “behavioural health unit” again. I try everything not to but…🙁. Everybody needs a friend. Everybody needs someone they trust and can talk to about things they care about. Not small talk, I loathe small talk. That’s all I get, though. Weather and shit. Nothing at all meaningful. I want to sit around and “solve all the worlds problems” as they say, like me and dad used to do. When we were getting along, anyhow. I miss that. It’s not fair.