Oh no, someone sent me a wrong order from Poshmark! I don’t even know which seller! I did NOT order a hot pink blouse 😆 I have to figure out who sent it but my brain is not functioning lol. I did get a beautiful iridescent, oversized orange blouse though, and it’s actually prettier in person. I also got some really cute cat stockings from her. Can’t remember if they’re Torrid or Hot Topic but wuteva. I need to SHAVE MY LEGS so I can start wearing my dresses. Mom said she’d get me a ‘flawless legs’ leg shaver from Woot! Cuz it’s discounted, but also time sensitive. Hope she got it because I won’t touch my legs with a razor. They have to be Nair’d or waxed because I always cut my legs really bad if I try.

I’m hoping she gets the neck massager from Woot! As well because god DAMN that shit hurts!  It’s on a steep discount too but she said she’d doesn’t know. I swear my cervical took such a sudden, sharp downturn. It was close to have happened within ONE week. It’s affecting my whole upper body, especially arms. They were already kinda bad, but they’re twice as bad now.

I didn’t write anything about what happened at my ortho appointment a couple weeks ago, partly because I’m a little ashamed. I have never just got up and left before. Never even saw the doctor. We waited and waited and waited an no one could be bothered to stick their head in the door and say how busy they were (or something, didn’t seem too busy) and the doctor would come shortly. That wasn’t the actual problem although it was extremely agitating. The thing that set me off was this stupid goddam poster. It was a typical anti-opioid medication thing. Every time I see that thing, it fucking pisses me off. After I had a car wreck in 2003, I got a weeks prescription of Oxy. That shit is magical. It kept me totally out of pain. The whole thing was far less traumatic than if I didn’t have the Oxy. It did upgrade my PTSD a bit and I absolutely had an untreated concussion (hospital didn’t care because I didn’t even realise I had insurance, so they did not treat me, at all.) but I know it would have been much worse without that opioid! My dad was on opioids for 24 years and they kept him afloat until a couple years ago. There was a fuckup on their end and they refused to fill his prescription. The doctor was pretty cold about it. Sometimes when I got to a really dark place in my head and felt suicidal, dad would break off a teensy piece of one of his pills and give it to me. I’d be normal 30 minutes later. That didn’t happen often either. I never got a good painkiller prescribed to me since that car crash and I have suffered since. Mom and dad have the same doctor and he’s too afraid to prescribe opioids, even when they are needed. He’s a fucking pussy little bitch and I pleaded with dad to take me to one of his appointments so I could chew this guy out. He said no. You have no idea how bad I wanted to do that. Oh man. I probably would have gotten arrested for the first time in my life lol

I guess what I’m trying to put out there is that there are many people genuinely need these medications and now have troubles with getting them because others abuse them. One group abuses a drug, and the other pays for it!

People who have nasty, debilitating pain don’t need to go to an orthopaedic doctor and see a virtue signaling poster that basically says “you probably can’t have these meds, so deal with it.” That’s how I personally felt! A fuck tonne of others feel like this. There’s anger. Lots of it.

I can’t describe what happened with dad once they stopped filling his prescriptions. It was horrific. They finally gave him a prescription late last year, but that’s only because he has CANCER. It took that much. Good grief.

So basically, having to stare at that self righteous virtue signalling out of touch hysterical bullshit got me absolutely fuming, so I walked out. Didn’t tell anyone, didn’t check out. I was too fucking angry. The office quietly sent mom the PDFs of my MRI results. They didn’t ask. Like I said before, I read them. There were three. Of course I didn’t understand a lot of what it said, but it was damn obvious that my cervical was degrading fast and had gotten a lot worse since a couple of years ago. Fantastic! I’m finding another place to go soon.

I don’t think they quite get it. Maybe there’s things I don’t get, but all doctors are the same. I know what to expect, and so did dad.