Month: July 2025

Jul 30 2025 July 30, 2025 July 30, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

I went out with Karen and we had lunch at Applebee’s, which has been my go-to lately because I don’t really have a taste for anything. When I don’t know what I want, I go to Applebee’s and get a double cheeseburger. Can’t go wrong with that! Anyhow I got chicken parm on fettuccine. The chicken parm itself is GREAT, but I unfortunately do not like their fettuccine Alfredo. Also it was $17 (holy shit!), which hurt my wallet. Whatever, I get paid tomorrow lol. The shift manager at jersey mikes told me that Bucks Pizza has chicken parm sandwiches/subs. I’ve been looking for it as a sandwich, I don’t think I’ve had a chicken parm sandwich since I was in NYC in 2001!

On the way back home, Karen’s car died, which kind of surprises me because it’s a nice car. It’s a 2020 Nissan Ultima, and I probably misspelled that. We coasted to a stop on the roadside and…sat there. If we turned it off for about five minutes, it started up again and we got a little ways down the road and it died again. It then made a noise that no one wants to hear their car make 😅 We made it back to my apartment complex but it took a while even though it was right down the road. She left it here and had someone come pick her up I guess. Reminds me of my first car malfunction when I was 18, when I had my red coup. I tried to stop at a stop light and my brakes totally stopped working, so I went on through the light, making horrified noises interspersed with cursing the whole time. 😭


Jul 26 2025 July 26, 2025 July 26, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

I am so tired of feeling insignificant. I’ve had a lifelong problem with people ignoring me TO MY FACE when I’m speaking to them. They’ll just turn around and act like I’m not there. I have some kind of complex now. Inferiority? Idk. It hurt the most when my aunt/godmom did it incredibly blatantly. Sometimes I feel like the stereotypical autistic person who rambles about their niche interest and others find me annoying. I know how it feels because I got cornered by an autistic guy at our local ASPCA shelter while I was busy socialising cats and he knew I was also autistic. I think my peer support told him. Anyhow, he went on and on and on about trains and while I think old steam engines are cool, otherwise i don’t care about trains. I spent ten minutes trying to escape. I got cornered by another autistic dude in Flick Video, luckily I shared his interest in Japanese Youkai. Haha. But sometimes I feel like THAT person who bores the hell out of everyone, so I ramble about my interests here. I got a brief respite from this treatment in high school. I dunno…it happened today and really tore me up. I feel like insignificant shit. I know that in the grand scheme of things we’re the equivalent to ants or grains of sand, but I’m speaking of feeling that way around other people, not like I want the fucking universe to notice me. I’m not that self important. I’m just hurt from a whole lifetime of this bs. I never get used to it. It hurts just as much every time. It’s to the point that I’ve TOLD people that if I’m talking about something they aren’t interested in, just change the fucking subject instead of giving me one-word answers that sound like they’re talking to a toddler! That’s when I simply stop talking. Sometimes I can tell when someone isn’t interested, but sometimes I don’t and wind up feeling like a complete fucking idiot, as well as intense embarrassment. That’s why I get along with Karen so well, we have a lot of the same interests (even though she’s 20 years my senior lol) so I’m safe to talk about stuff without feeling stupid.

It really bothers me. I think I wrote about this not too long ago, actually. It happens a lot.

At least tomorrow is Sunday and I go to my parents, watch videos with dad (which is one of the highlights of my week) and shove grilled cheeseburgers in my face portal 😅 Yeah, mom makes two for me because I like mine a lot smaller and thinner than theirs, because reasons. Ramble ramble. 😬


Jul 25 2025 July 25, 2025 July 25, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

Happy birthday, mom! 🍰

We went to Longhorn for her birthday, they finally did my steak right! Unfortunately I threw up almost as soon as I got to the car. I tried not to so hard, but I lost. Kind of humiliating, if I’m honest. I don’t know how many people saw me.

Me and mom were having a discussion on why the Pacific Northwest and Atlantic northeast are both creepy. I noted how half of Stephen King’s novels are set in the northeast. They’re both creepy as hell, no offence to anyone who lives there 😬 Also the Pacific Northwest seems to produce a lot of serial killers…


Jul 24 2025 July 24, 2025 July 24, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

I don’t think Oscar is pissing on my carpet. Thank God. Water leaked from the huge AC window unit when the maintenance guy moved it out. Mom came up with that explanation and it makes the most sense, and also hasn’t happened again. Definitely takes one worry off my mind!


Tags:

Jul 22 2025 July 22, 2025 July 22, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

First thing I did when I got home today was step on like three wet spots on my carpet. I called mom and said “uhh…did you spill something on my carpet…three times??”. She did not. I looked over at Oscar and wondered if he was pissing on the carpet now. Remember I said if I didn’t keep him out of the front bathroom he would piss in my laundry basket? I don’t know why he thought it was okay to have a wee there. I don’t know what else it could possibly be. I can’t smell anything weird, but I’m not putting my face down there to sniff it. I’m really worried about him. Is he going bonkers?? I almost understand the laundry basket because it’s a big plastic box and he might assume it’s another litter box…☹️ But carpet? Nah. I don’t know absolutely that it was him, I’ll see if it continues to happen. When Mister Hideki was near the end of his life, he went right outside his litter box. Ugh…that really freaks me out. 😣 I hope he’s okay and it’s something else, though I can’t think of any other reason my carpet would have wet spots. He really needs a vet visit, but I’m afraid they might say something I don’t want to hear. I have to save the money. I hope my buddy isn’t sick…

Man, I really only see the worst outcomes of just about anything. I should not do that, but I’m a natural pessimist.


Tags:

Jul 21 2025 July 21, 2025 July 21, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

I was in the car and suddenly got violently sick. It was  like the time I did a heart stress test and got the IV stuff to up my heart rate instead of running on the treadmill. That made me instantly, violently sick. I hurled in a parking lot, it wasn’t much but it was enough to suck lol

Me and Karen went to B&N and I got a catechism, a book of Florida man stories, a compilation of those comics with the awkward aliens (damn I already forgot the name!!) and a book on Joy Division which I was actually looking for, but missed it about three times. It was sitting right in front of me 😭 It’s like I look at the books but I don’t absorb the info. It takes about three look overs to actually find (or not) what I’m looking for! The entertainment section of that place mostly isn’t that great (too much Taylor Swift and K-pop stuff) but it had a couple things I was interested in. Lol Tolhurst wrote a book about goth, didn’t have many good photos though so I didn’t get it. That’s why I bought all of Mick Mercer’s goth books 20 years ago, tons of great photos. I’m immature and love photos more than text I guess 😬

We went to Outback and I decided I wanted a cocktail, so I got a Piña Koala, the name is so cute! Piña colada’s are by far my favourite cocktail and I haven’t had many this summer. It was given to me in a martini glass and I knew I couldn’t drink without getting it all over me, so I said “I’m uncouth, can I please have a straw?” 😅 Must’ve looked stupid drinking that way haha. I want to get some of the pre-made piña colada stuff. It’s pretty good. I love the taste and smell of coconut but cannot eat it. Last time I had a car, it always smelled like the beach.

The maintenance man fixed my air conditioner today. I had put Oscar in the laundry room so he wouldn’t freak out, because I knew it was supposed to be loud. It was about three times louder than I thought it would be, because he had to cut through the wall and I guess some metal. It’s nice and cool now 👍


Jul 19 2025 July 19, 2025 July 19, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Ugh.

Posted in

I was getting put on the troubles list a bunch on both TFL and TAFL. Turns out that codesort fucking CRAPPED OUT on me and none of the codes or any image in codesort are showing. On my animanga fanlistings I had to manually add three codes of different sizes on the codes page until I can fix this bullshit! I barely have the energy to do anything but I forced myself. TFL also has a weird rule that any image linking to their site has to be working. Since they were in codesort, they weren’t. I had a perfectly fine link in the intro to all my fanlistings, which is all I thought was required…that’s a silly rule. I just went into enth and deleted all the fucking images from the stats templates. The images for my fanlistings in enth aren’t working either for some reason I can’t fathom, so silent.am looks like absolute shite. I don’t know why these scripts fuck me over so often. It seems like every few years, enthusiast will just…stop working. Blank screen. Fanlistings no longer show stats or members. I have to reinstall the stupid thing and add them all again and change ALL the damn config files in ALL the fanlistings and worry about getting on the troubles lists again. I swear, sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the trouble. I seriously considered just letting them close the other day. /sigh

But they are very nostalgic. I opened my first fanlisting (and one hate listing haha, that site is long gone) in 2004. They were all closed, but I came back to the fanlisting community periodically but mine always ended up closing. I came back to fanlistings for good in 2016 and I have certainly closed more than a few in the past nine years, but I still have a lot of the ones I opened in that time. I even revived some of the really old 2004 ones with the same layout and old members lists! I decided I will never let them go. They are too nostalgic to me. Too Sentimental. So I forced myself to fix almost all the rule breaking problems just now. I don’t know what to do about my non-animanga fanlistings. I don’t know how I can fix codesort, or if I even can. At least I won’t get on troubles for that at TFL, unlike TAFL. TFL doesn’t require codes. They prefer that you have them, but it’s not breaking any rules if you don’t, so I can take my time to figure out what’s wrong. Honestly I hate PHP scripts sometimes, they seem to break a lot for no apparent reason. ☹️ It’s the most efficient way to run fanlistings if you have more than a few, though. In the 2004 era, I didn’t use enth, I updated everything manually. I only had a few though, so it wasn’t very taxing. I have a ton now. I was thinking of switching to the other one, forgot what it’s called. It’s an alternative to enthusiast. ListingAdmin? I think that’s it. It requires more code which would be annoying…idk. I don’t know how much more stable it is than enth. Enth has new updated forks for PHP 8 on GitHub. I’m using two different forks for both my enth installations. Don’t know really which is more stable. I can’t remember which one crapped out on me last time or if I was even using either at the time. Eh.

My air conditioner is still not fixed, it’s hot in my bedroom and I sleep with no covers. I wish they’d come fix this before Monday. I cannot stand it. Also, the huge window unit is making my lights flicker when it comes on. I’m afraid it’s going to blow a fuse or whatever it’s called. My microwave did something similar but it stopped working. Not sure how that works, but that’s what our maintenance man said. He got it working again but I already got the new one so I’m just gonna keep it.


Tags:

Jul 19 2025 July 19, 2025 July 19, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

So I was right about China King not opening back up from its “remodelling”. A new place opened out of the blue. Me and mom went in there to scope out the buffet a couple days ago and I was wondering if there was anything on the buffet I’d actually eat. I noticed there was still quite a bit of Chinese food as well as sushi so I thought maybe it was still owned by the same people, but just wasn’t a Chinese buffet anymore. Friday (technically yesterday) was dad’s night to pick where we ate and of course he picks that one. I don’t like trying new things, it’s just how I am but it was his night so…. They still had some of the same things, mixed with typical American food. I realised they obviously have a different sushi guy now (bye bye Dr. No!) and there was nigirizushi! No shrimp or crab, just fish. I got some and went looking for shrimp sauce. I found it and that shit was basically water. I thought NYC shrimp sauce was drippy, it has nothing on this stuff. I had nothing to dip it in and it was totally bland. I think they need to adjust some shit. The egg drop soup tasted weird (even I can make that, how do you fuck it up??) and the mashed potatoes were totally liquid. They still had buttery potatoes and that made me happy until I bit into one. It was spicy as fuck and tasted off. wtf. ☹️ TheFrench fries and flounder were the only thing I really ate, so I’m kinda hungry. One thing they improved was that a big bar of nothing but sauces was put behind the buffet. I was always wanting ketchup at the old place, so I did have something to dip my fries and flounder in…..

I am so disappointed! I have to find a new Chinese buffet somewhere close. We are completely oversaturated with Mexican restaurants, but not a Chinese buffet in sight. 😒 bleh.

My air conditioner is still broken and the window unit is not keeping the place cool, especially my bedroom. I’ve been leaving the door open when I’m out so the air will circulate. It’s not helping much. I took a shower and wasn’t able to cool off and get totally dry after, so I was sweating and grumpy.

When I got to the parents, dad saw my horror movie shirt (Evil Dead 2) and mentioned that Smile was one of the best horror movies he’s seen. I agreed, and he asked me if I saw Smile 2, which I haven’t. He told me he watched it, and I asked how he could watch that without me? I was so sad, because he told me the ending, very vaguely, but I was pretty annoyed by that. Still can’t believe he watched it without me. When I bought the Smile dvd, I went straight to their house so we could watch it together. Doofus. 😭 I’m gonna get it off Amazon and watch it alone, I reckon.

I saw Wink (parents neighbours adopted cat) on the way in and he’s looking pretty good. He has FIV, diabetes, and some kind of skin condition on his bum. He had just gotten back from the vet when I got there, and neighbour said he was doing well, which made me happy to hear. A couple of years ago, he just showed up in their neighbourhood and my parent neighbours kind of adopted him and took him to the vet and gave him care etc. That poor thing was beat up and missing an eye. I don’t think anyone ever took care of him, but he’s such a sweet boy and everyone loves him. I really hope he feels the love, he deserves it after having a hard life. I love that cat 🖤 I hope he stays around for as long as possible.


Jul 17 2025 July 17, 2025 July 17, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

Nooooooooooo my air conditioner is broken!! That happened yesterday, mom came in and said it was 74f and I hadn’t noticed because I was sleeping and had two fans on me. The maintenance guy brought a huge window unit thing and that’s keeping it decently cool for now. He and an air conditioner repair man came today to troubleshoot it and found that some kind of motor is broken and has to be completely replaced. He said it’ll be a few days and they have to cut into the wall, so it will be loud. I’ll have to put Oscar in the laundry room so he doesn’t get scared. This sucks! It broke before, several years ago but it was fixed after a few days. No cutting into the wall required. Hey, at least it will be brand new and I won’t have to worry about it for a loooong time. It’ll probably still go out once in a blue moon, but yeah. It’s been overworked because it’s fucking hot! I can’t wait till fall. Can’t wait for that crisp, cool air. Ahhh

I don’t have anything to say other than that. Nothings been happening 😅


Jul 14 2025 July 14, 2025 July 14, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Posted in

I told mom allll about prion diseases today and really freaked her out 😅 I’m terrified of that stuff yet love to blabber on and on about it. Chronic Wasting Disease, kuru, fatal familial insomnia, Jakob Creuzfeldt, and so on. Prions are to me, by far, the scariest things in nature because your brain could produce a misfolded protein at any time, and Jakob Creutzfeldt can be either completely spontaneous, or it can be caused by improperly sterilised surgical instruments. I remember an instance of a man having brain surgery and he was infected by the unclean instruments. I’ll bet his family had a HELL of a lawsuit, as they should have. Negligence costs lives! It’s said that 1 in 1500 people in the UK have misfolded proteins in their body. Prions. It could take years to get sick. I don’t know stats for the US or any other country. Bet it isn’t much better. That’s one reason I would never eat deer meat! What if someone ate the wrong deer and CWD became zoonotic? I’ll bet that’s already happened more than once, honestly. Probably many times. Eating an infected deer, I mean. I think we’d know by now if someone contracted it. There is no known cure, so if there was an epidemic of CWD we might be in trouble. Where I live, a ton of people hunt their food and eat deer meat. It freaks me out because what if it jumped? The deer that have it are basically zombies that are wasting away. What would that do to a person?

I would rather be covered in spiders for the rest of my life than have a prion disease. That’s saying something 😂

Got along good with mom today, despite me freaking her out with prions lol. There’s a really good YouTube video by Casual Geographic (can’t recommend this guy enough, he is freaking hilarious and great with words without resorting to saying dumb shit like “unalive”, AND you learn stuff about animals!) that discusses scary animal diseases. I knew most of what he said, but I learned things that were new to me also. Watch that one and the damn dolphin video, because holy crap. Dolphins are fucked in the head! Beautiful creatures but they’re the psychopaths of the sea. I would still interact with one, but I’ll never see them the same way again 😆

What is it with me not being able to stay on topic? Good grief. It’s like some stream of thought shit. Or maybe it’s adhd. Attention span of a gnat 🥴

Well…I’m probably losing my peer support person, Kellie. I couldn’t think of a damm goal when I saw the peer support supervisor, and I honestly thought she was going to get back to me about that, but she didn’t. Kellie told mom over text that I wouldn’t agree to any of the goals they came up with, which isn’t true. All I said was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do the goal of swimming every week. That’s too much and I want to do other things as well! Also, pools are basically people soup and pee. That’s why I much prefer the lake beach at Paddy’s Creek. I’m sure people pee in there too, but lakes are huge so I don’t worry about it. There’s an indoor pool close to my parents house, but…people pee soup. 😣 Kellie won’t go to the lake beach, and I haven’t asked Karen about going yet. I miss Denise SO much, it’s not fair! She was almost always up for the beach. Anyhoo… even though I’ll probably lose Kellie, I’ll still have my individual support, Karen. She’s more likely to do stuff like Denise did, but I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ She rarely has time for me anymore, I don’t think I’ve seen her for a few weeks, and she’s supposed to be here once every week. It’s really a bummer…often times, she’ll have a freaking opening at 9am, which…no. I have explained why I won’t do that and I’m not going to explain it again. I wrote about it here. It’s somewhere down there. *sigh* I don’t think it’s fair to take me off peer support. It’s not set in stone or anything, but it’s likely. ☹️ I just didn’t want to go swimming every single week! That really came back to bite me…but I don’t think I was being disagreeable at all. I just politely gave my input and we ran out of time.

Lol Friday my parents neighbour asked me if I was “channeling Stevie Ray Vaughn” 😂 I said I didn’t know what the hell I was channeling. I was just wearing my black hat, black shirt, black pants, and of course black boots. All black everything. It was definitely the hat haha. Him and his wife both asked what band was on my shirt and I told them “Fields of the Nephilim”. They commented they’d never heard of them and I said that they were a gothic rock band that was mostly active in the 80s and 90s and that’s why they didn’t know them. They love music and said they’ll check the Nephs out, but Carl McCoys voice will probably scare them away because it’s deep and a bit growly. lol I always try to get people to check out my favourite bands but I never tried with those two 😬 Hey, maybe they’ll like it…but probably not. 😛

I still need to post a pic of my cat statue that’s made in that style I was talking about in a previous post. I’ll come back and add it here later tonight I guess. Maybe some stranger will stumble upon this and be able to tell me something.


Tags: