Personal things about religion.
I asked God for a sign, Wednesday night I believe. I was mostly asking “are you really there? Do you hear me?” And I’m pretty sure I got that sign Thursday. I thought it was a truly bizarre coincidence but when I was trying to sleep this morning, I realised what it really was. My brain wanted to rationalise it, like my brain always does. I really can’t rationalise it. It’s just too crazy. I asked for a sign, and got one the next day. Of course my brain keeps trying to tell me it was an insane coincidence, which is super annoying. It’s so difficult to have strong faith when you’re naturally kind of skeptical about things. I’m not like some skeptics who are honestly just assholes, I see weird or paranormal things and think “that might have actually happened” but I always take it with a big grain of salt. People lie and pull hoaxes all the time. I don’t think God is one big delusion, though. I don’t believe God is some kind of hoax. This sign gave me great comfort. I feel like…I don’t know. I feel acknowledged. I feel like even though my head is so screwed up, God is there and I have to focus on that. No matter what’s wrong with me, God is there. I may be suffering, but…maybe….I don’t know how to complete that sentence 😬 lol. It’s in my head but I can’t seem to articulate it…
Also, why are some Atheists such gigantic jagoffs? I mean…what is the point of being an ass because someone believes something they don’t? It’s stupid. I see it in YouTube comments alllll the time. I had one of my uber angry, politically aggressive friends pull that on me once, years ago. I was trying to convert to Judaism at the time, so I obviously had faith. She knew that because I spoke about it on Facebook often. When I called her out on it, she said she didn’t realise I believed in God. LOL. She used the old “magical sky fairy” insult which is, you know, TOTALLY original and edgy and definitely not overused and cliche. She is such an aggressive contrarian. That’s one reason I don’t talk to my old friends anymore. The lot of them are absolutely coocoo bonkers. It was doing a number on my mental health, so I stepped away from Facebook and gave my email address and the link to this blog as my last post a couple years ago. I said that if anyone ever wants to chat or just catch up, to contact me. Nary a peep from any of them. That tells me all I need to know.
I need new, better friends but I don’t know how to go about it 😭 I’ve been talking to other people online for years, some of whom are pretty recent acquaintances, so it’s not like I don’t talk to anyone. I just miss those old friendships…before stuff went sideways and they all lost their fricken minds because of politics. They were all so angry, all the time. I can’t communicate with people like that. I think they might be more facked in the head than me! 😆 I’m so glad I’m not an angry political nut. That’s at least one thing that’s not wrong with me! I get annoyed sometimes and vent to my parents but that’s as far as that goes. I don’t talk to anyone else about that stuff (except maybe my therapist lol) which I think I’ve made pretty damn clear on this blog.
Once again, I have rambled and gone off topic 😅 As usual, writing calmed my wacky breathing. I hope it sticks. The past two days have been rough.