My breathing has been crazy all afternoon. I haven’t had a day that bad for a while. I thought I had it mostly under control and wasn’t having super long episodes of it. 😑 I figure writing something might calm it down.
I went out with Karen today and hit a couple places. We went to Green Eggs and Jam, which has vinyl, shirts, movies, etc. Of course I went for the movies lol. No point in looking at records because if I find something I want, it’s always expensive. Also, my turntable is messed up and has been for years. I never find much of anything in record stores anyhow. I remember when I used to go to Play it Again and things weren’t so ridiculously expensive. I could get a few records for not too much. I also used to buy them on Gemm and eBay. I miss Gemm so much, it was probably the biggest record store in existence. It was made up of thousands of vendors and was based in the UK, I think. I got some hard to find 80s goth and new wave vinyl circa 2006 on Gemm and it didn’t cost me an arm and a leg. The most expensive record I had was thirty-something bucks, and that’s because it was hard to find anywhere. That’s not the way of the world anymore, I guess. I kind of hate that vinyl made a comeback because it made everything cost so much more! I honestly think it’s pretentiousness on a certain level. Anyhoo I came out with a number of movies. There were a bunch of Eddie Izzard DVD sets and I was very tempted to snatch them up, but they were $20 a pop. I found ‘So I Married an Axe Murderer’ which was a beloved movie of my childhood, and I haven’t seen it in well over 20 years. There’s also a National Geographic dvd with 30 of the Nat Geo specials from decades past. I seriously messed up my back in that place! I loathe bottom shelves. 😭
We then headed to Bath & Body Works specifically to get mom some hand sanitizer that doesn’t smell like straight rubbing alcohol 😅 I don’t know how she stands using that stuff, it’s so…harsh. I got six little bottles (buy three get three free!) two of which I gave her, and I also got her the little rubber thingy to put it in and hang it somewhere in her car. It’s a Gold glittery one. The only better thing would have been leopard print. I got myself an axolotl one to carry mine in. It’s so cute, I thought it cost too much but…I wanted it 😆 The girl at the counter told me she loved my outfit and that I looked awesome 🥰 I actually get that a lot and it makes me feel pretty good! Anyhow I then went to the parents house and surprised mom with her little gift. She was pleased. It was my puny way of saying thank you for getting me that expensive region free blu ray player. It’s in the mailbox right now, but it was pouring rain so I decided to get it tomorrow. I’m hoping dad will hook it up for me after we eat tomorrow night. I really am technologically challenged lol. Cables confuse me.
I did the absolute dumbest thing when I got home. I reached to get my phone and glasses from my pocketbook but the phone wasn’t there. I started panicking but knew that running (as much as I CAN run) down the stairs and trying to catch Karen before she left was futile. I resigned myself to asking a neighbour to use their phone. I knocked on the two across the way, but no one answered. I finally had to bother the little old lady that lives next to me. She let me use her phone, so I called mom and asked her to call Karen and tell her I left my phone in her car. I don’t know her number btw, we text. I apologised and thanked the lady and went home. I went in and…my phone was on the table. Huh? I took it out and didn’t even realise it. Called mom again and she called Karen back to let her know I found it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, that was monumentally stupid.
Guess what I ate for dinner again? MCDONALDS. I hate myself for it 😰 Not having Chinese takeout is rough. I know it’s not spectacularly healthy either, but it’s better than eating greasy fast food all the time. I’m not going to get it often anymore. I have coupons for Subway, don’t know why I didn’t use them.
I really want my psychiatrist to give me something similar to Provigil so I can stay awake. What she gave me doesn’t work for that purpose. I’m really tired of this. Tired of being tired, I guess. I think I could do fine on 100mg of Provigil. My anxiety didn’t get worse until I started taking 200mg. That shit had me BUZZING. It was awful.
Okay…the breathing is calmed for now. I pray it doesn’t start again.