The breathing was so bad today. It started when I took a shower and dried my hair. My breathing always gets out of whack when I dry my hair because I’m moving my upper body a lot. It fucking started again at 3pm and I got no relief until 9 or 10. Constantly needed a deep breath and could not get one often enough. It made me sweat. I was only breathing manually. I have an appointment with my doctor Monday. I’m hoping she can tell me something. I actually considered going to the hospital tonight because I just couldn’t do it anymore. But I didn’t. Maybe I should have. I was freaking exhausted from the laboured breathing that went on for HOURS….I tried so hard to control it and take my mind off it when I went out with my parents, but it lasted all through dinner. Only when I got home and laid back in the recliner for a while was I able to calm it and get some fucking peace. I’m so nervous it’ll start again.

My breathing problem is no better than before. I can’t relax. I’m stressed. Please, please make it stop 😞

I went to Dead People’s Stuff (an antique/thrift store) with Karen. I found this neat cat statue that is in a style I really like. I don’t know what it’s called or how to accurately describe it. I also have a pair of earrings of cats in the same style, and I also got them at Dead People’s Stuff a couple of years ago. I’ll post a picture of both. To me, the style is reminiscent of late eighties/early nineties. I’ve only ever seen cats done in this particular style as well. Weird!

I can’t believe it’s fucking Friday again already. The weeks are going by too fast. I’m supposed to go out with my peer support Kellie this morning but I don’t think I feel like going. I wouldn’t get much sleep if I did.

Dammit, it’s back. The breathing thing that hasn’t happened in years. My breathing is sort of laboured. Every breath feels like it has to be a deep one, but that’s impossible and I get anxious when I can’t get a deep.breath. The anxiety seems to exacerbate it. This time, sitting upright doesn’t help at all. It lasted about two weeks the past two times it happened. I hope it doesn’t last longer. It’s awful. I have to wonder if there’s a deeper problem that’s causing it. As far as I know, I don’t have asthma or anything similar. I’m making a note to talk to my doctor about it. For the past week, I’ve had to take an extra Ativan every day, which helps a bit. That indicates to me that anxiety is playing a part in it, but I’m not a doctor. This stresses me the fuck out because having a permanent breathing problem is one of my biggest fears. I couldn’t imagine living with that.

The allergen spray I bought is working great, I haven’t had a bad attack since I started using it. I sent the link to my mom because dad has terrible allergies and I thought it could help them too. They have a dog, maybe her dander is getting to them. We would never give up our animals, no matter how bad the allergies are. Just gotta find a way around it. I’d be itchy all over, half blind and full of snot, but I still wouldn’t give up Oscar. I’m just happy I found that spray! I had seen an ad for something called Pacagen which is specifically for cat allergies. I found it on Amazon but it was $80 (dayum!) so I had to find an alternative.

My Ray Bans are definitely fake. I told the seller I needed to make a return because they didn’t fit my face, which isn’t true. I just didn’t want to get into an argument about them being fakes. They offered me bigger frames for $15! If those were Ray Bans, that would not be remotely sustainable for the seller. I should have known, but yeah. I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, as I’ve said many times. 😅 I want to get a pair that are the same as my old ones. EBay is not helping me. I got the old ones for much less because the arm was pretty damaged. I didn’t think it was very noticeable though. I might try one last thing to fix them. I’ll use a lighter to melt the broken ends and bond them back together. No clue if that will work, but it’s worth a try I guess. I’m stuck on Wayfarers from the eighties because they have a certain look I prefer. They’re glossy all over, the others have that matte textured shit I don’t like. I like em shiny.

The results of my scalp biopsy came back yesterday. My entire scalp has some type of infection. I never would have guessed that. I’m on an antibiotic for a while. I was also told that the scalp condition I have is not psoriasis or sebhorric dermatitis, but something more in the eczema family. Why am I having all these skin problems?? Things have gotten progressively worse over the past two years. There has to be a reason for it.

I got some anti-allergen (cat dander and stuff) spray off Amazon and sprayed it around. I haven’t had a bad attack yet tonight. I hope it works, my allergies have been SO bad, especially affecting my eyes. The reviews were really good so let’s hope it makes a big difference.

I just got back from eating at Subway and the teenager behind the counter was so confused. About what, I’m not sure. I handed him $5 to pay with as well as my card, and he rung it up and I paid. He then says “uh, what was the $5 for?” 😅 I almost asked if he was okay. I think he might have been a little buzzed.

I went to the dermatologist for my 6 month psoriasis checkup and everything is good, but he wanted to biopsy my scalp to see if it is sebhorric dermatitis or psoriasis. I thought it was just a tiny piece of skin, but no. It’s a big red nickel sized round place that looks like a skin disease. I’m embarrassed for anyone to see it  😳 I have no hair to cover it with either!

I also showed them a picture I took of the rash on my lower neck when it was really bad and was given a cream. Unfortunately I didn’t learn anything about what it is. I’m supposed to put the cream on my face, neck and chest. I hope it doesn’t make my skin oily. I’m an itchy fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with my skin!

Edit: the Subway charge isn’t showing up in my bank app…did I accidentally get a free meal? *crosses fingers*