Month: January 2025

After almost six freaking years, I have FINALLY installed my printer-scanner. It really took that long. To my credit, I tried about a year ago and kept running into problems I didn’t know how to solve. I bought this thing in 2019 in anticipation of moving out of my parent’s house. LAZY. I remember when these things were difficult to install, especially scanners, but I could easily do it back then. This stuff has basically become more plug-n-play since then. I have truly become dumber.

It’s an HP Officejet somethingorother. I don’t even have printer paper lol

I decided on this Sisters image for the first black jacket;

That text will be difficult because it has a little texture to it, I wonder if there’s a way to make a stencil of some sort or a way to transfer the image to the jacket so I can use it as a guide. I always liked that phrase. It’ll be hard not to keep that one for myself.

Edit: I decided on white carbon paper and a small ball point stylus. After looking up ways to transfer drawings onto leather I didn’t really understand most of them (told you I’m not that bright haha) so I thought of that myself. I doubt it’s the best way to do it but all I need is a vague guide to paint on. I’m glad I found that image, it’s the best proportions for that panel on the back of the jacket.

While setting up the printer, I barely did any looking down or bending, and my neck hurt 😞 I don’t know how I’m gonna do anything with that pain. I need to find a solution.

Edit 2: I forgot about the layout marathon I joined! 😓 I think the finished layouts are due on the 29th. It’s food themed. I still don’t know what I’m gonna do. Pizza maybe? Cute shit? Ahhh

Also, Roku remotes suck monkey chunks. They really do. I have two Roku TVs in my apartment. Both remotes have a tendency to just…stop working. That or I have to click four or five times until it responds. Sometimes I just throw it down and wait for it to start working again. It’s so aggravating, I googled “why do Roku remotes suck” and got a lot of people asking the same question, so it’s a common occurrence I guess. I was going to watch something on Discovery+ or Shudder but the remote stopped me dead in my tracks and I had to get back to regular cable lest it stop working altogether. Didn’t want to be stuck without tv. It kept going on and off and saying the internet connection was gone. Goodness. Both TVs do this. Roku needs to listen to its consumers concerns because I’m sure they’ve heard this complaint before.

The batteries in the remote were covered in what I assume were alkaline crystals. I changed them, cleaned it out as best I could, and it worked a little better but was still glitchy as fuck. Batteries die FAST in those.




Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to accomplish all the things I want to. There’s so many things, I don’t think I could list them all.

On a more annoying note, I got my shower caddy from Temu and had to get my money back. There were no instructions and I have fiddled with it endlessly. If there’s a way to put this thing together, I can’t find it. Colour me disappointed.

I got my Charlotte Dobre “Move in the Shadows” t shirt today! I ordered that sucker at the beginning of December and have been impatiently awaiting it. I love it, it’s HUGE. Only a 2x but big and cozy. Go watch her channel. I love Charlotte 💕

My corset came and I’m pleased with it for the most part. I do wish it would suck in my stomach more like it does my sides. It’s laced up the back, maybe I’ll have mom try to tighten it. It definitely gives me more of an hourglass figure and I can definitely believe it takes 4 inches or close to that off my waist. The Etsy store I got it from is Corsetland.

I’m apparently getting another big ole bag of Temu shit today, they never seem to stop coming haha. Don’t know if I’ll make another video for this one, I haven’t even figured out how to edit the first one!




I wish I knew how to use editing software. I am not tech smart anymore and am not hiring someone to do it for me. I’m not going to make money on videos for a looong time, if at all. You have to have 1000 subs I think, and then can apply for monetisation. My personal YouTube account only has 500+ subs and that’s after more than 12 freaking years of sporadically uploading music. It’s hard to get subs! To get subscribers, you have to make good videos and I do not know how to turn the ideas in my head into reality.

Edit: I truly have the attention span of a gnat.


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Oscar did the most unhinged thing he’s ever done while I was in the shower. He actually jumped in with me. And would not get out. I almost screamed when he touched my leg. He finally got out on his own. The hell, buddy? Are you going nuts? Oh, he jumped in again after I got out and started licking the shower floor 🤢  WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Jeebus!

Edit: Now I’m in bed and he’s lying next to me with a very smug look on his face.

Edit 2: I watched the video I made and what the fook? I must have said “very nice” about 15 times throughout its 40+ minute run time! Borat pics are definitely making an appearance when I’m editing. Also “I like it” was frequent, but not as much as “very nice”. What is wrong with me lol. I must have been a little nervous.

Listening to: Seraphim Shock – After Dark




I did it

I made the Temu haul video, all without showing my face. My phone made it hard to show it anyhow. I don’t know if I should get a tripod or something to kind of distance it from myself because you could hear everything, every fucking noise I make. Lip smacking, every breath etc. I mailed it to myself and have to edit it for YouTube. I’m going to put it on my art channel. Before I actually post any art haha. I’ll post it here when it’s done. I hope I’m not too annoying, I hope my voice isn’t stupid sounding. I thought it sounded okay. Sometimes I make stupid comments though lol. I might bleep out some of the dumb shit. I don’t know if I have the personality for YouTube honestly, I should stick to Temu hauls, gaming and art videos. Definitely not reaction stuff, oh no. I definitely don’t have the charisma. I never have that much to say to begin with as I’m a relatively quiet person. That probably doesn’t translate to YouTube well.

I had a crisis last night. All of a fucking sudden, I started thinking about what’s going to happen when mom isn’t here anymore. I was petrified. I cried and emailed her explaining what was going on. Mom is turning 75 this year!! How long do I have left with her? Women on her side of the family tend to live to their late nineties or even make it to one hundred. I hope it’s the same for her if she doesn’t get lung cancer from all the god damn smoking she does. In the email I said “and stop smoking!!!!!!!!!”. I was hoping it would trigger something in her to realise she has to quit. My friend (actually a friends mom but she was my friend as well) got lung cancer and passed away and it was just awful and sad and…I never want to see anyone else suffer like that, especially not one of my parents. I would be beyond devastated. “Emotionally Obliterated” are probably the best words to use. Smoking is a personal choice and I don’t think it should be banned or anything, I just know it hurts people and they need to know it could hurt them…and I have the right to bug her to quit because I love her. I used to smoke when I was 16/17 but quit without any problems. I just don’t know why she can’t. I’ve tried to get dad to quit too, he exclusively vaped for many years but suddenly started smoking again! Mom quit for a couple years and suddenly started back again too. I don’t understand the allure of it, sure it looks cool in photos and drawings, I’m not gonna pretend it doesn’t, but it tastes like shit! Any kind of respiratory problem scares the shit out of me so lung cancer is terrifying. I don’t know what it feels like to have it obviously but I imagine it’s awful! I don’t want anyone I love to go through it. Again.

That was a huge ramble and I don’t know if it made sense. I guess I’m still a little bit upset.

Edit: She did spend some extra time with me today. We went to Boulevard BBQ, got some river chips with ranch and talked for a while. It was pleasant. I really love my mom even if we don’t always agree. She said she was going to work on a plan for me for after she’s gone, because dad can’t deal with things the way she does and I certainly can’t. I love dad but if it was just me and him, we’d both be screwed haha. The day ended on a good note and I feel somewhat better.




I came home yesterday afternoon and was kind of sleepy but figured I couldn’t nap because of the provigil. I actually got a nap in though. I was feeling the same way the day before and there was no way to nap because I had accidentally taken the 200mg provigil. It was absolutely miserable! Being tired but sort of buzzing inside with weird energy. I have been like that for a couple of days now and I hate it so much, I don’t know why I’m suddenly feeling sleepy like that. I hope it doesn’t last. Might have to speak to the psychiatrist about that if it doesn’t stop. Also I’m questioning why I felt tired at all on the 200mg pill, that’s concerning. This medication is given to narcoleptics ffs. I wish I could get a chance to go to the cpap place and get the stupid thing fixed. They’re only in on certain days. I think wearing it would probably help a lot. It’s been a while since I’ve worn it. Months.

I snazzed up my Pinterest boards. I also archived a lot of them, I had too many. Most of them haven’t been updated in a decade or more but I plan on getting on and updating/editing them. I have had that account since 2009, thats why I was able to get the username “river”. I was watching Firefly at the time lol. Sooo much on the recipes board haha. Here it is.

I have a big ole Temu bag in my dining area, ready to be opened. I haven’t done it yet because I am itching to make that Temu haul video but can’t get up the courage! I was also happy to find that the shower caddy I ordered is finally on its way to me. I hope it’s not too small and that it will actually suction to the shower wall and not just fall off. At least I know I can “return” it if it sucks. My shower has few places to put things and I have numerous things I use. I hope it’s useful. Sometimes it’s a gamble with Temu but at least  I know I can get money back.

My parents bread maker stopped working, so OF COURSE I check fucking Temu and there are indeed bread makers on there. I’m gonna do some research on the one I’m looking at and if all seems good, refer my parents to it. I love when they make warm, fluffy, buttery bread. We make it a whole dinner, just pepperoni bread and butter. It’s delicious. The one I was looking at was about $60. Not too bad at all, if it’s any good.




I went jacket hunting once again and found nothing 🙁 If someone wants to donate an old beat up biker style jacket I would be really happy lol.

This was my first time seeing Bobbie in a couple years! It was good to see her. I noticed her hair wasn’t pink anymore. She said it was too hard to maintain. Kind of agree, I’m lazy and always let my roots grow out too much.

I had a sugar episode or whatever and had to come home early and drink a glass of milk, which always fixes it for some reason.

I really need to find a better way to source jackets. Thrift stores are not reliable enough. If anyone has a good idea, let me know. I can’t spend much money on them until I find out if mine will actually sell. Then maybe I could invest in them more.

I have been so damn cold for the past week and couldn’t understand why. My dumb, negligent ass forgot to look at the thermostat. 64f. I keep it on 68f all year long, but it went down somehow. I’m not sure how the thermostat in this place works because I’ve never had to change or mess with it since I moved in. Mom fixed it and I was able to sleep comfortably last night.



Yesterday when me and Karen were eating, I was talking about how I want contacts, and that my mom couldn’t wear them because she had too much trouble putting them in, and the doctor said it’s because mom has small eyes. Karen said “Oh yeah, she has those tiny little eyes, so do you” I tried to act like it didn’t upset me but I did a poor job.

Is it socially acceptable to say something like that? It’s not like I don’t already have giant insecurities about the size and shape of my eyes….that sure as shit didn’t help. Actually a few years ago my former peer support said it too. Are my eyes really that god damn tiny that people feel the intense need to point it out?!

This is why I wear fucking sunglasses all the time.

I honestly never thought mom’s eyes or mine were particularly small until a few years ago. I thought mine were crooked, weird and upturned but I did not think they were that small? What the heck.

That’s been bugging me since yesterday’s lunch. 😓



I went leather jacket hunting and only found a small brown one, which I will further distress and make it a Nephs jacket. It’s kind of small and would probably fit a girl. It’s good practice. All the other leather jackets had a seam down the back, so I didn’t bother because it would ruin the art. I was hoping for motorcycle style jackets but some dude picked up one as soon as I walked in the store and it was the only one 😭 Almost  every other thrift store was closed! I don’t understand that, their weekend is Sunday and Monday, but they’ve started taking Tuesdays off as well. I also checked our local goodwill which is open all week, found nothing. I feel like they moved things around in there and it confused me.

We went and ate and she started talking politics and I was answering vague with stuff like “mhmm” or “I don’t know enough about that to comment on it”. lol. Oh it makes me so uncomfortable. Please do not do that. To be fair, she doesn’t know how much I hate it and I don’t know how to say “I don’t want to discuss politics, please” without sounding rude. 😅

Discussing politics and religion ends friendships, I know this firsthand. Some of my friends were always the aggressive and often straight up hateful ones and I’m just kind of meek and don’t say what I think because I was afraid of losing said friendships. Finally realised they were toxic as radioactive fuck and just left Facebook altogether. Bye bye bye! My mental health got a lot better, I’ll tell you that. Leave Facebook alone if you value your mental health. It’s a treacherous hive of scum and villainy. I promise you’ll be happy you did. This goes for any social media, really, but facebook is where my problem materialised.

I ate too friggin much and thought I was gonna hurl for about an hour. It was miserable. I told karen and mom to please just pimp-slap me as hard as possible if I ever try to order two portions of something again. I think I learned my lesson. Those river chips are so good though.




I’m going out with Karen today, my plan is to hit as many thrift stores as possible and try to find leather jackets. They don’t seem to pop up very often; probably because they get bought quickly. I’ve been lucky a couple of times and got a white one which is beautiful, and a black one.

My plan for the white jacket is to do a punk Sailor Moon theme, which I’m sure will sell. I’m debating about dying it pink before painting the back. I don’t know if I want to deal with the mess, however, as well as any specialty stuff I might have to get to do it correctly. I want to put either spikes or studs on the shoulders or a combination.

The black one, I’m not sure entirely. I was thinking maybe the old Sisters of Mercy logo? The newer one is rubbish (no offence intended, uncle Andy) so I would go with the old one as it’s iconic. I considered doing The Mission as well.

I would love to find a brown one I could distress all to fuck and do a dusty-looking Nephs jacket. That said, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. I haven’t painted on a jacket in 20 years, and I’d be doing it for someone else, not myself. I might have to break out the actual paint and brushes sometimes which I’ve never used on a jacket. It was always whiteout before. I have a lot to learn if I’m actually going to get anywhere with this, but I am certainly willing to learn whatever I need to. I am excited! Could I be moving towards  a more productive life?

I had my secondary cataract lasered off this morning. Most of the time was spent in the waiting room, then spent about ten minutes in a dark room waiting for the drops to dilate my eye. The actual procedure took about two minutes. I sat in a chair, put my chin and forehead on the rest bars and zap zap zap, it was done. My right eye is still a little bit blurry, I would have thought it would be back to normal hours ago. I’m probably worried about nothing though.

There was suddenly a godawful smell throughout my house, anywhere doors weren’t shut, so I guessed it had to come from the kitchen. It always comes from the fucking kitchen. It was so bad I didn’t want to be in my own house and sprayed air fresheners constantly, but nothing was getting rid of it. I looked all around and found nothing. Mom took a look and brought a bag of rotten apples from the very back of my fridge. How’d I miss that? Well, it’s gone now. It smelled like puke.

Edit: I found a few old pictures on my laptop!

First here’s an itty bitty pic of me from 2003, I was 17 or 18. I don’t know why I cropped it so small.

Next, here is a macro I took of a house spider (jumping spider?) eating a fucking fly. This is the meme I made of it lol. Dad is the one who pointed it out and suggested I take a photo. That’s a can of Pepsi max and a sausage wrapper sitting behind it. This was on my deck. And yes, I am very scared of spiders. This was around 2013. I also did not have a smartphone and was using an excellent digital camera. RIP fly, I guess.

This one is from my terminal Naruto fandom days, specifically 2007 or some time before that. I drew Rock Lee on my thumb, named it “leethumb” and posted it to a bunch of Naruto communities on Livejournal. He was a hit. I was a massive Naruto shitposter back then. Haha

And that’s all, have a good night!