I had the cataract surgery at the asscrack of dawn and all my glasses are now obsolete. I can mostly see things that are further away, but my up close vision is awful, to say the least. It’s gonna be a problem. I got some reading glasses and while they help me read my phone and other things, they also make me dizzy. I have never worn readers before this. They’re 3x magnified and when I’m wearing them, everything far away looks totally blurry. I don’t know if that’s normal.

I’ve had to go into my phones accessibility settings and turn on bigger text. How fucking old am I. 😂

I wonder if there are contacts that fix up close and far away vision? I’d be willing to try contacts again if my eyes can tolerate it.

Ive been consulting with plastic surgeons and am getting appointments with 4 or 5 of them. I hope my BMI isn’t a problem with the rest of them. My bmi is 39 and one surgeon won’t operate unless it’s 35 or below. Mine used to be higher but I’ve lost a lot of weight. I guess it’s good that I have a bunch I’m contacting.

edit: all this switching back and forth between glasses and no glasses is driving me absolutely insane. I’m talking to the ophthalmologist about contacts tomorrow.

I seem to be free of the crud. Guess it was a short-lasting virus.

Tomorrow at 6am is my cataract surgery! I’m not going to bother trying to sleep. I probably need to leave at 5 to get there. I go back Tuesday for my one day checkup. I’m going to inquire about their tattoo removal procedure. I have the brochure but I hope they can give me a ballpark price. I’ll have $500+ in March to pay for it although it shouldn’t cost quite that much. I read somewhere it usually costs about $150-200 per square inch of painful zapping. I don’t even care though, I want these ugly things off my face!

I’ve thought about it and think after I get a neck lift, and lose some more weight and feel more confident in myself, I’m gonna apply for a job at Hot Topic. I figure that’s the only place besides a tattoo parlor that would accept the way I look lol.

Listening to: Ipso Facto – Give It To Her

I think I got the crud. I hope it’s a 24-48 hour virus at most. I probably got it at the doctors office. It’s either that, or mild food poisoning. I’ve been chugging pepto bismol.

My former individual support lady, Denise, got the owl plush I got her and she loves it 😄 I really wish I could see her again and give her a hug because I never got a chance to see her after the insurance fiasco. Also no one expected they would separate us. We thought everything would go back to normal. It’s a good thing I love Karen, my current individual support too. I’m waiting to hear from Bobbie, my newly assigned peer support. I love her to death. She’s had pneumonia like three times and is getting over it. She might return to work next week, can’t wait to see her! She’s cool, she takes me to get piercings and stuff even though she’s not supposed to 😂 She’s fun as fuck.

I think Oscar ate a candy wrapper and puked it up on my floor. What the fuck, buddy? Should I be worried? Where’d he even get it?

So, I’ve begun looking into getting a neck lift. I’ve looked into care credit which does cover it and have contacted several surgeons who take care credit. I’ve already heard back from several and plan to request virtual consultations. I don’t really have the luxury of driving to Charlotte or Denver whenever, considering my mom has to take me. When I get the best quote, I’ll apply for care credit. My credit rating is average, so I don’t see why I wouldn’t be accepted. I always pay my loans off early. I’m no slacker on that front. Let’s hope this works out. My neck is my main point of insecurity. It keeps me from getting out there. I always think people are judging me. Maybe they aren’t, I don’t know, but I am for sure judging myself. Hard. Losing weight doesn’t seem to make a difference in my quadruple chin. It’s just as bad as it ever was. My highest weight was 280-something pounds and I am now at about 215. It hasn’t made much of a noticeable difference in my neck.

I don’t expect perfection, I just want to have a neck again! An actual neck that isn’t hidden under fat! I want to feel better about myself. That’s all. I never saw a problem with cosmetic surgery if it makes someone feel better about themselves. Some people think it’s wrong, I think they’re being judgmental. It’s a personal choice. I think some people are literally mentally addicted to it and that’s not good, but that’s not the majority.

There are a couple things I’d like to have done, but I’ll write about that some other time.

My cataract surgery is Monday and I have to be there at 6am. Mom hates that but I’m not bothered. They do diabetics early in the morning. I’m looking forward to it and being able to see out of that eye.

Edit: ordered the first wig! As well as a lovely casual black bob wig. It was inexpensive thankfully. I’m using Klarna to pay it off.

Listening to: The Merry Thoughts – Pale Empress