Ffs!
This change in medication is really hitting me hard. I almost had a complete meltdown in fucking Ulta. I thought my head was gonna explode! It was really embarrassing even though I don’t know if anyone actually saw me freaking out. I really hope it’s the sudden change and not the medication itself. If this doesn’t clear up soon I’m going to have to call my psychiatrist. *sigh*
It rained the other day. I was wearing my old Torrid boots. I stepped in a puddle and realized water got into my boots. I got inside and looked at them and there’s two huge cracks and a big hole in the soles! O_o Not sure how I didn’t notice it before. I’ve had them for years but I really think good shoes would last longer than that. I had to get my Christmas boots out early because I was left without shoes D:
I got some redness reducing moisturiser at Ulta. Everyone says my face isn’t that red, even the girl at ulta said so, but I really believe I have bad skin all around and everything’s wrong with it I guess… It looks red to me. When my hair used to be blond, my face looked incredibly red. I looked ANGRY. I’m getting a bleach & tone on the fourth of next month and I am not having my face look like that again. I wish I could find my drivers license from when I was 16 or 17, it was so bad in that photo. My face was so red, like ❤️ red. People always used to ask me if I was okay or if I was mad at them. I guess maybe I’m paranoid and self conscious because of things like that from the past. Maybe it isn’t as red as I think it is, but any amount bothers me.
My anxiety is bad lately. I don’t know if it’s the provigil or the med switch. Provigil is known to make anxiety worse. That concerns me because it’s not working as it should and I might have to increase my dosage. It’s not giving me the ‘get up and fucking go’ that I so desperately need. That’s what it’s supposed to do, anyhow.
Listening to: Siouxsie and the Banshees – Kiss Them For Me