I start taking Provigil tomorrow morning I think. I have to take it at 10 every morning. We will see if it does what it’s supposed to do and keeps me from sleeping my life away. I’m a little nervous, I don’t know what to do in the afternoons except for napping. I’m not used to anything else because I’m always so sleepy. What will I do? There’s a lot of things to can do, really, but what about motivation? I read that Provigil does provide that as well. We will see. I’m scared that it won’t work as it’s supposed to and that all my trying will be for nothing. I don’t expect it to work on the first day, I guess. I don’t know how long it should take.
I was weighed at the psychiatrists office yesterday and cringed when I stepped on the digital scale. I genuinely expected to have gained at least ten pounds. Shockingly, I have not gained any since I was last weighed a while back by my doctor. I’m at 221 lbs right now. I’m going to go on a fast and try to get down to 210 again. I have my giant tub of protein powder and my blender cup. I don’t know how many days I’ll do in a row. Maybe two at a time? I guess I should break it up instead of a long ten day fast or whatever. I want this weight off me so I can FEEL better. I feel if I can get down to under 200, it will be a lot easier, mentally. I’ll feel like I’ve actually accomplished something.
Im really looking forward to Thanksgiving. We don’t do big extended family gatherings (thank god) but just me, mom, and dad. I get to make my favorite food, my own recipe. Cheesy ranch sour cream air-fried potatoes. Healthy, I know. But they are so tasty! I only get to make it a couple of times a year. My parents hate frying the potatoes. They complain about it every time. Why do they have an air fryer if they don’t want to use it? 😅
Im especially looking forward to Christmas. I don’t know if I still want a sewing machine or if I’ll change that. I don’t have anyone to teach me to use it, and I’m also not that bright so I don’t know if I’ll be able to figure it out. I also have an intense hatred of bobbins because of my fashion design class in ninth grade. Those things pissed me off so bad! Anyhow…I love Christmas Eve because we (me and parents) go out to eat somewhere nice and then come back to their house and open presents. It’s a very nice and cozy time of the year and I enjoy it as much as I possibly can. I love the winter holidays.