Month: June 2024

Jun 28 2024 June 28, 2024 June 29, 2024 NoComment by Eden

Dude.

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I got the results of my psychological back and hoo boy there are some glaring inaccuracies in there…I was reading it on the way home and was shocked at one particular sentence. It basically states that I wanted to commit suicide “because her parents bought a smaller house “. What the hell is that!? It had nothing to do with the size of the house! It was the bad juju in the basement that made me feel sick! I hated the place because it literally made me sick. I don’t know where she got the garbage about me being upset because it was smaller. I told her about why I hated it and why I was so angry at my parents. I guess that didn’t matter, she must’ve just wanted to throw shade at me for whatever reason. Now I’m going to have to explain that to everyone who gets a copy or reads it so I don’t look like an asshole. Great. 👍

 

edit: Why does Posca’s white paint marker suck? Black paper shines right through it. Not even a bit of opacity. It actually seemed a little watery even though I shook it hard. Those are so effin expensive too…watching a video right now of someone testing out Ohuhu’s new acrylic paint markers. Maybe I’ll check those out when my POSCAs die.


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Jun 21 2024 June 21, 2024 June 21, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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My infection is healing well I think. Actually I’m just gonna call it what it is, an abscess. It’s disgusting to me so I didn’t want to say exactly what it is. Anyhow it doesn’t even hurt anymore and I actually have a bit of difficulty finding it to put the topical antibiotic on. So it’s shrinking pretty fast, and I’m super thankful for that.

The antibiotic pills are doing weird things to me…I get really sleepy and can’t keep my eyes open every afternoon and suddenly my feet smell like KIBBLE. What the hell. I need to go to Walmart tomorrow and find a foot bath because that’s gross 🤢 There is an ever-present smell of kibble, I cannot get away from it. This started a couple days ago and I just tonight realized it was my fucking feet. Thought I was taking crazy pills!

Listening to: Gary Numan – Dead Heaven


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Jun 20 2024 June 20, 2024 June 20, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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The people at the Weight Loss Center decided to schedule my surgery for sometime in August, don’t know when exactly because they haven’t called back yet. They know I have an infection and want to make sure it’s completely healed up.

Mom doesn’t want me to have surgery, and informed me that dad feels the same. I do not feel supported right now. I’m having it regardless of their feelings, but it would be nice if we were all on the same page, you know? Of course my mom doesn’t like or approve of anything I do, right down to the way I cut my hair, soooo…can’t win. 😬


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Jun 14 2024 June 14, 2024 June 14, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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Changed my YouTube channel name to https://youtube.com/@SpookyNems :3

god I am so hungry but I’m scared to eat because of the stupid antibiotic.


Jun 13 2024 June 13, 2024 June 14, 2024 NoComment by Eden

Omfg!

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I was approved for weight loss surgery today!! I have to clear up this stupid infection before I can have it, which I’m working on…I’m on yet another antibiotic. I was supposed to put a waterproof bandage on but it wouldn’t stick.

But anyways, I’m approved and very excited! I figure I’ll probably have it around the early part of August. The infection should be cleared up by then. This is one thing that sucks about being diabetic, things heal more slowly and not as well. I have marks all over that should have healed fine and without scarring, but…diabeetus. 😅

Edit: okay so I’m actually a little scared of this new antibiotic I’m taking. I was instructed not to eat anything with a significant amount of potassium. This medication makes potassium go up, I guess in the blood…don’t really know how that works. Anyhow, I don’t know how much is too much and I’m looking at nutrition info on my food and everything has potassium. I basically did not eat tonight except for a few cookies. I’m too scared because I don’t want to have a heart attack and die suddenly. That happened to my mom’s bosses daughter. High potassium. Freaky.


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Jun 07 2024 June 7, 2024 June 7, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I decided to keep the headset I bought. Just because it’s wired doesn’t make it lame. I was silly for thinking that way 😅 It’s actually really cool looking.

I had Chinese tonight and for once, got a good fortune cookie.

I do feel that I’ve let fear hold me back. Plenty of times. Gotta say no to that shit!

 

 


Jun 06 2024 June 6, 2024 June 6, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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Got along well with mom today, thank god. I saw her a little bit before Kim, my peer support, came. Kim got on my nerves so bad today lol. She ignores me half the time, I’ll say something and she won’t respond, or if we’re in a store I’ll say I need to go to this or that part of it and she keeps walking like I didn’t say anything, to leave. It’s so annoying! Gonna bring it up with my therapist, who I love. 💕 She’s the best one I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a LOT of therapists in the last 30 years…I have two great Debbie’s in my life, my therapist and my doctor. They’re both fantastic. I finally got lucky with that. I’ve had many bad doctors and a couple not so good therapists.

Went to Walmart and got a mic, and had to send back the headset I got on Amazon because it’s not wireless like I thought. I overspent on my debit card and now all my money for the month is on my credit card 😅 Not sure what to do about that. Also my fucking internet bill went up $30 because our lovely congress decided it wasn’t important to re-fund the emergency internet thing since it ran out of funds. Government is so streamlined and efficient. The bill is just sitting there waiting to be passed. Definitely writing my congress-critter.


Jun 06 2024 June 6, 2024 June 6, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I had a bad day. Me and mom cannot get along. We are two incompatible people. It’s sad, but it’s true. And yes, my peer support canceled on me yesterday so I’m being petty and casting some of the blame on her. She’s supposedly coming today instead. We’ll see if she actually does. 😒

I still don’t know where I stand with Enola Artist group. Haven’t heard a word from the lady who did my psychological assessment. I’m getting frustrated.

I think my infection is healing pretty well, at least there’s that…maybe when it’s fully healed I can go to the lake beach and read a bit and swim. That would be lovely.


Jun 04 2024 June 4, 2024 June 4, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I went to the eye doctor to get my eyeballs measured. I have cataract surgery on the right eye on July 17th. I don’t know when the left one will be. Doc said my measurements are good and I don’t have too much astigmatism, so I have a good chance of not having to wear glasses again. I might have to use readers for up close, however.

Otherwise, I didn’t really have a good day. Me and mom were sniping back and forth at each other. I dunno, it was shitty and gave me a headache. You can’t explain stuff to her, she’s so hardheaded. Every time I slip up she acts like I’ve committed murder or some shit. It’s tiresome. It’s weird because we had a really nice, pleasant day yesterday….how fast stuff changes 😟

My peer support Kim comes tomorrow for three hours. If she cancels or something, I am going to lose my fucking mind. Ftr, she does do that a lot. I need a break from mom. I love her dearly but I think my heads gonna explode…😬


Jun 01 2024 June 1, 2024 June 4, 2024 NoComment by Eden

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I’m taking this antibiotic called cephalexin and it smells sooo bad…the other day I opened it and got a whiff of ass, I thought my cat must have shit a brick. Later I realized it was not shit, it was the capsules. Today I handed the bottle to mom and said “here, smell this” and she did and I have never seen someone look so offended lol. Really though, I wonder what the hell it’s made of for it to smell that bad.

I hope it gets rid of this infection. I’m on two antibiotics now, those capsules and a topical one. I’m really trying to heal this before I get surgery, I don’t even think they’d let me have surgery until it’s healed. I’m having some bad luck with my body. Last night I was convinced I was having a “silent” heart attack, my chest felt so weird and my heartbeat was odd. I have likely had a heart attack before since there’s scarring on my heart. It really scared me when the hospital doctor told me that. Another thing is the intense arm/back pain I have had for the past few days. OTC pain meds do not make a dent in that kind of pain. It’s kind of eased off today, but my left arm is, for lack of a better term, sluggish. I read that heart attack symptoms are different for women and pain in the left arm is something to look out for. I really hope it isn’t a warning of something worse to come 😐 I’m just a really nervous person with bad health, so I dwell on it a lot and wonder what awful things could happen to me next 😬

 


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