Stupid leap years! I thought this month had 28 days but it’s 29 this year. One day later for me to get paid, and my money is dwindling.
Me and Denise put together my second console shelf after driving up to the lake, which is something I really love to do. I wish I lived there. It’s not even that far away but yeah. I wish. 😮
Dad was always the technology-smart one, ever since I was a little kid, yet he is incapable of keeping his passwords and emails in order. I had to fix his PS4 login in the iPhone app because the console was sitting unused for over a year because he couldn’t get access to it. I fixed it. Now, it’s fuckered again. I don’t know what he did but I was so aggravated at it that I gave up trying to fix it today. I’ll do it another time. It’s just hard to convince him that he himself might have done something to screw it up. I don’t even want to get into the explanation for THIS ridiculousness, but he is absolutely certain that he needs to take the console itself to the AT&T store to get it fixed! I told him that AT&T has nothing to do with the situation and that he needs to contact Sony customer support to get his password and email reset or whatever. He will not listen to me 😅 I’m not particularly technologically smart myself but I do know that much!
I have to get a 3 hour long psychiatric evaluation in April. The last one I had was in 2007 and that’s how I finally got my official Autism diagnosis. I have to get one because I’m trying to get into an artist day program for adults with developmental disabilities. I used to be in it circa 2009, but had just been diagnosed with diabetes and was so sick I couldn’t continue going because I would pass out and things like that. I didn’t know how to manage it yet. I didn’t have to have an evaluation then, they saw my little portfolio and immediately accepted me into the group. I did several art pieces before I had to quit, which hung in a place downtown for years. I hope they’ll accept me even though I don’t have anything close to recent in my portfolio (I don’t actually have a portfolio lol) and I feel like my art style has probably changed drastically since 2018. I can’t seem to draw in an anime style anymore, it just looks wonky when I try. I was hoping to try oils. We’ll see how it goes I guess.
I have to make this look neat for my own sanity. How am I gonna wrangle all those cords? 😱
Ugh Klarna is being a pain in the butt. It’s a thing that lets you break payments up into 4 equal payments so you don’t have to pay everything at once. I’m trying to get these sweet winklepicker boots and they’re about 210 bucks plus an ungodly amount of shipping because they’re from the UK. Klarna wanted to jack up my first payment to 125$ instead of 60$ and I can’t pay that at the moment, not until I get paid. Anyways that deeply annoys me. I have completely paid off everything else I’ve bought with it, early even. I have never had a late payment. My “purchase power” in Klarna is about $210 atm and I don’t know if that includes shipping, which is about $40. Holy shit, I know. But these boots are handmade and of impeccable quality and are just beautiful. Worth the trouble.
I have a pair of winklepickers I ordered like…10 years ago. The brand was Demonia and I had a good opinion of them before I got these boots. Not only did they send me patent leather when I asked for regular leather, but the “patent leather”, if you can really call it that, started to CHIP OFF. It literally fell off. Those cost me $100 and I don’t know why I didn’t send them back.
There was this shop in England called Pennangalan I think, who handmade beautiful Winklepickers and Pikes, but they stopped taking orders before I had a chance to get a pair, and everything else you could get on the internet was cheap “fast fashion” bullshit of poor quality. I’m so glad I found LondonRetroFootwear on Etsy. These are the boots I’m getting: www.etsy.com/listing/1589930427/benjamin-4-cowboy-winklepicker-boot
I’m pretty sure these don’t have a side zipper but the quality is worth having to actually buckle them up.
I went ahead and got this ring that was on my wishlist to try and raise my purchase power on Klarna: www.etsy.com/listing/913857940/buffalo-skull-ring-for-women-made-of
Cool as fuck. I also found out my ring size is 13.5.
I also have a hat coming, again from the UK I think, which is a replacement for the one I’ve had since 2006. It’s become faded and dented and I don’t think it can be fixed. It was time for a replacement anyhow. www.etsy.com/listing/1019194496/wide-stiff-brim-wool-pork-pie-hat
I want some stompy boots too at some point. Hope I can find a quality shop on Etsy.
Denise helped me put together one of my console shelves this afternoon and it’s huge, way bigger than I expected. I’m really bad about not looking at measurements well enough 😅 oh well it works just fine! I had to move stuff around to get it to fit though.
Otherwise….I have been stress-eating. Too much. I’m not stuffing my face or anything but I’m definitely eating more than normal. Stress makes me hungry, idk. I’m going to pretty much eat next to nothing until my next doctors appointment so I won’t have gained any weight. That could be disastrous for me. I know that’s stupid and borderline dangerous but…I’m desperate. 😞
I’m going to ask my psychiatrist about ADHD. I was sort of diagnosed with it as a child but it’s no longer in my paperwork. I have become very concerned about my shite memory and itty bitty attention span. I would much rather think it’s ADHD “brain fog” than dementia or something even more awful like that. I took Ritalin as a kid. I wonder if it would improve things now…I mean, I take enough medication already, but I’m willing to add something else if it helps. I actually talked to my psychiatrist today over Zoom and didn’t bring it up because I hate Zoom and would rather talk in person. I wanted to get off there asap.
I don’t feel particularly well. I have a lot of things weighing on my mind.
Medicaid is really cracking down on everything right now. Once again, I stand to lose my services at ACA, like I did a few years back but for completely different reasons this time. I’ve been with them for five years, since early 2019, from after I got out of the hospital. They are the reason I stayed OUT of the hospital since then. My peer support and individual support people are everything to me. They provide support my parents can’t. If I lose my services, I’m really scared I’ll wind up back in the loony bin. I don’t think even they realize how much I need them.
I fell asleep in my chair and woke up feeling so weird and dysphoric. I checked to see if I took my meds and I had. I felt exactly how I do when I forget my pills. It’s happening more often now. I’m feeling better now but really disturbed at the same time. I don’t want to take more, but if this keeps happening then I might have to ask my psychiatrist to up the dosage or something. I really felt like self-harming and that freaks me out.
Also had a fight with mom about it, because she acts like I inconvenience her when I tell her these things…it’s not like I have anyone else to tell. Just feeling pretty low right now.
I got my console shelves in the mail, and god damn they are HEAVY. I am itching for my peer support, Denise, to come so she can help me put one together, or both depending on how long it takes. I think these have led lights and I’m a whore for glowy stuff so…yay.
Listening to: Bella Morte – Relics
Sweet fancy Moses, Medicaid is making this difficult…
I have to start the 4 month diet AGAIN and this time I’m fucking making sure there is NOTHING they can use to deny me. I just completed my January food journal. They wanted calorie counts? I gave em calories, fat, protein and carbs. They absolutely cannot claim I didn’t give them enough info. My psych eval times out in June. It used to last for one year but they changed it to six months. I should be done with the diet in May, and will probably have surgery in June if everything works out.
Even my doctor, who I saw today about this, said it was getting ridiculous. We provided her with a bunch of paperwork the hospital failed to give her in the beginning 🙄
This whole ordeal is a huge pain in the ass and I can’t wait until it’s over and done with! I will never be more relieved in my whole friggin life.
My credit score went up 50 points!! It’s still below average but that’s a good start! I have no idea what I did to make it better XD