Month: October 2021

Dude, there were so many trick or treaters out today in an adjacent town, not mine unfortunately, and even though it’s not Hallowe’en yet, I’m glad to see them OUTSIDE and going to businesses for candy, instead of going to dumb trunk-or-treats at fucking churches. Churches ruined hallowe’en around here with that shit. 😑 am I bitter about this? Yes, yes I am. I also think it’s stupid that they’re doing it a couple days before because to me that sort of defeats the purpose. But at least they were outside 😅 when I was a kid, we went out on the actual day of, no matter what day of the week it was, and we went door to door with our parents following us at a distance so we could have fun. We didn’t go to fucking trunk or treats at churches. We did it the fun way. I’m so glad I’m not a kid these days because they’ve taken all the fun out of stuff. I’m happy I got to experience it like I did.

I will say though, one time when I was about nine, I went with a friend on Hallowe’en and she took me to an event at her church. They did a play in which two people, a guy and his girlfriend, got into a car accident and died. The girl was “saved” and the guy wasn’t. Suddenly a guy with a really realistic satan mask runs out from another room and drags the guy just kicking and screaming to hell 😳 I won’t lie when I say it fucking scarred me for life. I had so many nightmares about that shit. I still remember it vividly and feel a little bit of that fear when recalling it. I’m sure fear is what they intended to instill in us which is a form of child abuse imo. Scare the shit out of kids so they’ll get Jesus or whatever. A lot of the time it’ll backfire and make them resent the religion. I can attest to that!




Well, I did it. I cut off all my hair again. I just couldn’t take it anymore >.> I’m gonna dye it a really pale pink. I think I’ll use a color called “rose petal”. Or I might try to find “bubblehead” again. I really liked that one because my hair looked like cotton candy according to everyone else 😀

I’m trying so hard to draw again…I drew for maybe 30-40 mins this afternoon. I guess I should try to do at least 20 mins a day if I want to get my mojo back. I can’t seem to get faces right though…very annoying. Everything just looks kinda off.

I got a new peer support! I really like her. Her name is Ginger :3 We went out and had a good time today and she’s not a total hardass like my last one!

Anyhow…I’ve been watching a lot of Korean makeup tutorials on Youtube and it really makes me want to use makeup. I love how soft the style looks. I’m not really one for really dramatic and harsh looks. I guess I prefer neutrals and pastels. I like those gradient lips too. I’m also kind of addicted to those makeup transformation vids, like when the person TAKES OFF THEIR ENTIRE FACE. I mean the ones that use the tape to change the shape of their face and stuff. I probably wouldn’t use tape but it’s really impressive nonetheless how far people will go to look completely different, or look like how they envision themselves. I love watching those. It’s helpful to people who have small and hooded eyes too. I always want mine to look bigger and it drives me nuts. I am slowly amassing makeup, and I’m going to have mom’s beautician finish my permanent makeup for Christmas. I suck at eyebrows. So might as well just tattoo them on my face!



The new peer support is not working out. I just do not know how to get it through her or their heads that I DONT SLEEP AT NIGHT. Meaning that I am not up in the morning!! What is so hard to understand about that?? Even worse, I feel like they’re watching me like a hawk waiting for me to screw up somehow so they can discharge me again. At least I still have my individual support lady who can always come in the afternoon.

I had to cave and get cable again. It’s pathetic how I cant go without it. Anyhow I got really depressed and just caved. YouTube TV is shite. If it were more user friendly and had a decent interface I probably would have kept it.

I’m really having a hard time with losing my godmom, who was really more of an aunt, and that’s what I called her. I’ll just refer to her as aunt from now on. Her interment is October 15 in Chattanooga TN. Mom won’t let me go with her and dad and it really hurt my feelings. I wouldn’t go to the interment because I don’t do well at funerals or any kind of thing like that. I would have just stayed at the hotel room. But no, she said that would mess up her grieving or something like that which really confused me. Am I that annoying to her? I’m grieving too, you know. Guess my feelings on the issue don’t matter. /shrug