Of course my apartment wasn’t inspected today. I have to get up at nine again tomorrow to wait for them 😒 Come the fuck on, people.
I am really just in a lousy mood, partly because I had an argument with mom. We just cannot get along these days. I know exactly why, but she won’t listen to me 🤷♀️ Oh well!
Godmom died this morning at 7:55. Her heart just stopped. My mom is so torn up. I am too, but this was her best friend.
The n95’s I ordered still haven’t come, there was some sort of shipping delay and they will be delivered on the 22nd. I’m so paranoid and want them NOW, for my mom so she doesn’t contract this evil bastard of a virus. Fuck fuck FUCK this goddamned virus. Fuck it to hell.
Please, if you’re vulnerable, get the motherfucking vaccine. It could prevent shit like what we’ve been going through. I just don’t want anyone else to die, even though many more will, regardless…
I inspections started today and of course they didn’t come to my apartment so I have to wait up to three more fucking days for this shit to be over. I gad to get up at 9 which is really early for me considering I don’t really sleep at night. I had to lie on the couch and wait for someone to knock. No one came. So I have to do the same thing tomorrow. It’s like my neighbor said, you can’t just live your fucking life, like cooking or taking a shower in case you leave a little water or get something on your stove|oven. Gotta be paranoid about this shit too. I don’t want any markdowns, but I’ll probably get at least one because I can’t reach the fan to change the lightbulbs, and one is out. I told you they were fucking picky. Also any pets are supposed to be in a kennel but it takes two people to get Oscar into his, because he’s big, heavy, and struggles a lot, and someone has to hold it upright so I can lower him in. So what the hell am I supposed to if they get here before mom has a chance to help me get him in his kennel? Will I get marked down for that too? Bah.
I found a solution to the rent problem so I probably don’t have to move. I might, though, just to get away from these goddamn inspections. 😒
I just bought a pack of Niosh approved n95 masks for my mom. The situation with my godmother has made me so incredibly paranoid about her catching it and ending up like her best friend. I have just been lying here in bed all night, unable to sleep because I’m thinking about them both.
I have never been able to view my mom as an “old person”, even though she claims to be one. She’s 71 and looks to be in her 50s. I guess now I have to accept that she’s a (young) old person. 71 is still young to me honestly. When someone around that age passes away, I always say “but they’re too young to die”.
I’m so messed up in the head right now. It’s a nasty mixture of fear and trepidation. 😔
I have anger in me today. My godmother is quickly deteriorating and her relative called my mom today and said she has maybe a day or two to live. The hospital has thrown every medication on earth at her including ivermectin and hydroxychloroquin. None of it has helped and her x-rays show that it is only getting worse. She declined a ventilator and signed a DNR order. Not only am I very sad, but I’m angry.
Mom had a conversation with her neighbor today about this. The neighbor, Tina, asked if she (my godmother) was vaccinated and mom answered no. Tina then went on a rant about unvaccinated people and said she didn’t care if they died. Mom was taken aback and kind of told her off in her own nice way. What really gets under my skin is that Tina said that after she knew my godmother wasn’t vaccinated. I had no idea she was that kind of person. Bitch doesn’t deserve the two cats she has. They’re too good for her.
Some people on the left, much like Tina, tout their compassion and tolerance. It’s a flimsy mask (no pun intended) that tends to slip and reveal their true nature. Been seeing that a lot lately.
My godmother’s impending passing is just as important and tragic as any vaccinated persons. She is no less important or loved. She is no less of a great person because she wasn’t vaccinated. And no one will miss her any less!
I’m a libertarian. I strongly disagree with anti-vaxxers, conspiracists and people who spread lies about vaccines causing autism and “vaccine injuries”. I WISH more people were getting vaccinated. The county I live in is only 40% vaxxed and I wish they weren’t so scared or hesitant because it could save their lives. But I still believe in choice even though it often has consequences.
Still hoping for a miracle…whatever god(s) you pray to, please put in a good word for her.
Ahem. Anyways. Inspections start Monday 😑 Moms friend is coming tomorrow at 8am to deep-clean this bitch. She does an excellent job and doesn’t charge as much as you’d think she would. The property manager said he was doing at least 2 or 3 MORE fucking inspections this year. Really?! I like him a lot but he’s nuts!
Oscar gets his second allergy shot Monday. He only sneets every once in a while now. I hope this will knock it out completely.
Now I gotta clean up a bunch of stuff. I’m tired and just want to lie in bed but I have to get everything put up and out of her way so she can clean tomorrow.
Me: *lying in bed watching ghost videos*
Video: *shows particularly horrifying ghost*
Me, loudly: JINKIES!
Jinkies? Really? Really, Carla? 😆
In other news, my godmother is about the same, except her oxygen went up which is great. She might be a little delirious though, because she thinks she gets to go home Friday. If anything, she might be in there for months. If she lives. 😞
Had my second therapy appointment with my new therapist, who I tentatively like, even though she makes me super nervous. I had mom come in with me to explain some shit like why I can’t do mornings, and my current peer support only comes in the fucking morning. She said she was going to try to get that changed. My peer support claimed I didn’t call her back today (I did. It went to voicemail.) and flat out said she’d be here between 9 and 10 tomorrow morning. I didn’t really get a say in it which kind of ticked me off. That’s when I should be getting precious sleep. I have a feeling I won’t get much tonight.
My godmother is very, very sick. She’s got COVID pneumonia in not one, but BOTH lungs. It’s not known whether or not she will pull through. She’s a vibrant, colorful 71 year old woman, and my moms best friend. I’m very worried and wish she had gotten vaccinated. I don’t know why she didn’t. Mom was so upset when she got a text saying it was in both lungs.
Fuck this virus.
On a slightly lighter note, I found a beautiful framed photo of the NYC skyline at night. The WTC is in the photo and I was so happy to see that. It must be over 20 years old then. It’s actually pretty big. Got it for $5.
Inspections start on the 20th I think and they’re doing it really weirdly this time, but I guess it makes it a little easier on me because it’s not 3 or 4 days in a row having to get up early and put clothes on and go back to sleep on the couch in case they come in the morning since they are spacing it out over a few weeks. Damn that’s a run-on sentence. Anyhow, I hope my building is chosen first.
Saw a trashnado in a Walmart parking lot. It was a bunch of papers and candy wrappers flying in circles. I thought one was a huge red butterfly, but no, it was probably a king sized KitKat wrapper.
Went to Barnes & Noble and got the new Junji Ito release, Sensor, the first volume of Devilman and a couple how to draw books. I really need to stop buying those but it’s like an addiction at this point, I really want to draw again and for whatever reason I think that will help me somehow 😅
Got the crappy news from the property manager that they typically don’t move people from one apartment to another unless there’s a medical reason. So I probably can’t get switched to a one bedroom to lower my rent. I was really hoping that would work out for me. I guess I really do need to start looking elsewhere but I really like it here, so that sucks.
I’m happy to say that Oscar is all better. I hear a sneeze once in a while but that’s normal 😊 So glad he’s not miserable anymore.
Oscar had his vet appointment today. Thankfully it’s allergies, not pneumonia. He got a steroid shot and I can already see an improvement. Unfortunately his fat ass hasn’t lost any more weight, so I had to get the expensive food again. 😅
