Dec 05 2025 December 5, 2025 December 5, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Sweet fancy Moses.

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Mom drove the SUV into a culvert.

The airbags deployed and it was terrifying. When I had the 2003 accident, I was in the backseat with no seatbelt. Stupid, I know, but I was extremely shaken and upset. I obviously did not get hit with the airbag. Well, I found out how it feels today. Dude. I feel like Rhonda Rousey beat me like I owe her money.

That was our only car too. I don’t know much about car insurance. I hope it will pay for a rental car.

Right after mom hit the concrete water tunnel thing a woman came out and helped us. She was so nice! We went in her house and sat down. We gave her our numbers and she gave us hers. Shoot, I never found out her name!

My neck is sooo bad right now. I really hope it doesn’t last. I think I’m gonna go to my orthopaedic surgeon and have them take another x-Ray to see if it did actual damage. I’m gonna have a big bruise where the seatbelt stopped me because it hurts!

If I’m being honest….mom can’t drive well anymore. A few weeks ago she hit someone’s mailbox hard enough to turn the rear view mirrors completely in. Yikes. Sometimes she gets hit by a wave of sleepiness, kind of like I used to until I started that medication. Vivance also works. I told her to ask her doctor about Vivance. She “forgets” every time. When she gets the sleepies, her driving is downright scary, and she also inherited that lead foot from her moms side of the family 🙁

Medicare declined to pay for dad’s PT again. Assholes, the lot of them. Dad is coming home tomorrow because of that. I think he’s kinda over it. He’ll have some kind of home care person who’s supposed to help with that. I just cannot believe Medicare did that. Fuck whoever made that decision right in the aorta.

I look forward to seeing him, but I so hope he won’t be loopy. I also don’t know how I will deal seeing dad like that. He went from walking to wheelchair in a less than a month. I’m going to do my best to be supportive and I’ll be at their house a lot more.

I am so sore, didn’t think it would happen that fast because last time, it took a day or so. Thinking of waking up and being more sore? Nope. I need something strong 😭


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Dec 04 2025 December 4, 2025 December 4, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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Some cunt(s) at Medicare denied dad’s physical therapy. The doctors at the hospital are thankfully appealing it. That means more days in the friggin hospital. You’re gonna deny PT for someone with CANCER?? FFS, he can’t even walk! Bunch of fucking wankers. They should have to go through what he is, maybe then the cuntiness will go into remission. Can’t cure that shit. Goddamn midwits, how do these twunts sleep at night? 😤

Okay okay. Something else. I needed to call them nasty things, else I was gonna pop! If someone is offended by “cunt” and a few other words, they might want to close the tab and stay far, far away. 😙

I got some of the things I ordered from VF. I don’t think my pants have come yet. I can’t express how badly I needed another pair. I have TWO pairs that I alternate between. I’ve been on a search for more spooky pants but haven’t had much luck. Things almost always run kind of small, inches less than a typical 3X. I don’t get it. Fatties like spooky clothes too! Cut us some slack lol

I wish to god I could find a pair of shiny PVC pants like the ones I got at Hot Topic before Hot Topic became shit. All the PVC pants I’ve seen are for men. I do not understand their sizing, and they don’t look high waisted enough. They’re cool as fuck, but I don’t think I could wear them because of the difference of men’s bodies. Their hips are way thinner than womens are. Men’s pants are made to fit men’s bodies and that might be uncomfortable.. idk, I might try a pair sometime and return if it’s not wearable for me. I have a pair of shiny plastic (??) pants but they’re holographic black and I want an “old fashioned” pair 😅 lmao can’t believe I called them that. It’s true though. They used to be different. Bondage pants too. I can’t find a good pair. I like the tartan ones. I guess it’s tartan or plaid. Whatever. Mine were predominantly red and made of a really comfy cotton, I think. The straps weren’t impossible to walk in and I had no problem placing them correctly. Once again, got those from Hot Topic. The pair I got from KILLSTAR were absolute shite!! Poorly made, weird ass material, impossible straps to walk in, impossible to place them correctly behind the legs, broke after one month and they wouldn’t let me exchange for another pair. Okay, I once again went on a stream of consciousness tangent 😂 Oh well! Sometimes it be’s that way.


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Dec 04 2025 December 4, 2025 December 4, 2025 NoComment by Eden

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills…

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Important Note: this is very embarrassing for me, but I’m not going to delete this entry because it’s proof of the cognitive issues I’ve been complaining about for years. I want to show my psychiatrist because I don’t think she understands the extent of it and the incredible distress that comes with it. Maybe seeing my intense confusion and inability to think straight will help. Entry under the cut.

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Dec 03 2025 December 3, 2025 December 4, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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New post, because it isn’t appropriate to complain about this stuff in heavy posts.

Lauren resigned from ACA yesterday evening. She said she wants to focus on college more. I wish her the best, but I am depressed. I’m already depressed, but it’s just another thing to be depressed about. I really, really like her.

I’m almost done with ACA, not because of that, but the unprofessionalism that’s reared its ugly head as of late. Firing Karen and never informing me. Seemingly refusing to assign me back with Denise for whatever stupid reason. They probably won’t contact me about Lauren! I’m starting to think they don’t care whether I’m getting services or not! They let me wonder. I don’t have a peer support or individual support at the moment. I’m supposed to be receiving these services. God damn, sort yourselves out!! Are you going to act on this or not?? 🫩

Can’t remember what the fuck else happened today, and that bothers me. If I think of something else, I’ll add it.

Edit: well…I had McDonalds for dinner. Tasty. That’s all.


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Dec 03 2025 December 3, 2025 December 3, 2025 NoComment by Eden

Diagnosis.

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So, dad’s biopsy results. It’s got some stupid ass long name. Metastatic something something carcinoma. A liver cancer. Not curable. Mom told me and I cried for a while. The oncologists at Levine are coming up with a treatment plan. He’s doing physical therapy right now. I don’t know how that’s going to help him not be extremely weak, then again, I don’t put much stock in PT. In any case, I hope I’m wrong and that it helps. Doctors said treatment could extend his life, but for how long?? Can incurable cancer go into remission? I can only hope. I did find out that he will most likely be home for Christmas, which is awesome, and when he gets home, we’re doing thanksgiving since he missed it. I’m very excited to see him, and mom said I could come over more often. I don’t know how long I have with dad, and I want to be around more than twice per week!


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Dec 01 2025 December 1, 2025 December 1, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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THANK FUCK, dad got the biopsy today. I don’t know how long it takes to definitively say what it is. Mom says she’s coming home tomorrow! My uncle is picking her up and bringing her back. I’m really looking forward to seeing her, even though we butt heads a lot. I have NOT enjoyed being alone. I’ll probably stay here for a couple days after, but I’m getting that fucking futon and TV over here TOMORROW. I’m not sleeping in that weirdass bed again, except tonight. I need to get ahold of our maintenance guy and ask for help with that. I would really like to find a wedge pillow as well.

Mom says dad will probably be transferring back to Catawba, the hospital in Hickory he was originally transferred to. I think he’s also got rehab or physical therapy or whatever to get him walking again. I imagine he’ll be getting some sort of treatment at Catawba.

Dang, I feel like crap. Guess I’ll settle in with some Netflix later. Christie said she’d bring me home some food, so I need to think about what I want. Lauren will be back at work tomorrow, thank god. I don’t know if she can spare any time for me tomorrow, but Wednesday is our usual day. ACA is being a little unprofessional in not contacting me about what happened with Karen (they fired her a while back, it was fucking stupid) and never let me know why she was suddenly just GONE, nor have they assigned me to another individual support person. It’s getting old and I think I said something to my therapist about it, but don’t know if she emailed the people in charge of that to let them know that the total lack of communication is really bothering me. If Denise is really the only individual support person left (holy shit her caseload must be ungodly) please just put us together again! I don’t see the problem. I need an individual support too! Why are they seemingly denying me the services I’m supposed to receive? Ugh…sorry. They have left me twisting in the wind before. Pisses me off. They also made some stupid arbitrary “boundaries” that I never discussed with them or agreed to. I’m speaking of the sudden stupid decision about how both my peer and individual supports could only take me to Hickory once a month each. That was NOT a “boundary” to “help” me, that was them not wanting to reimburse a percentage of their employees gas money. Just be honest lol. I’m autistic, not stupid.


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Dec 01 2025 December 1, 2025 December 1, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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This house is a pain in my ass! I used to live here ffs, but most things I’m currently using aren’t things I used before. I’m using their stuff since everything in the basement is crusty and busted. I also permafucked my neck and back from carrying Oscar’s litter downstairs and vacuuming up his godawful mess. There was so much litter on the bathroom floor and elsewhere, that he might as well piss there. It was also outside the bathroom, him and Lucy somehow tracked it all over the house, even on the friggin couch. I was wrecked and sweaty, so I got in their shower which is also weird. I had a time.

Uncle Johnny took me to Arbys for dinner last afternoon, so I did get out of the house. No idea what I’m going to do today. My neighbours are being very supportive and helping me out a lot. Maybe I should visit them? Except I’m not really one to just walk out and knock on doors unless there’s a good enough reason. I always feel I’m intruding or being annoying. My uncle will probably help me out again. I’m also going to text Lauren around 6:30-7am to see if she can spare ANY extra time for me this week. Dad is supposedly having a biopsy today. That means mom could possibly come home tomorrow. I really, really want them both home so we can have a decent holiday season and be warm & cozy. Decorate the tree. Watch movies and videos. Hype them both up about the lame gifts I got them. I’m hopeful that dad won’t have to stay in Charlotte for long after he gets a definitive diagnosis. Maybe he can come back and get his treatments closer to home. That would be wonderful.

I didn’t get out of bed until 4pm yesterday. That’s just depressing. This bed, like their shower is weird and alien. It has controls that I don’t understand. It’s a huge split bed. I needed to raise my side and wound up raising my feet instead. I could not fix it, so I tried again and the head finally raised. My side looks like a soft “V” now. My own bed has a simple up-down button.

I got paid today. I’m going to go ahead and get a shelving unit off Amazon. It’s too annoying to have all this shit lying around. Shoot, I might need two.


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Nov 30 2025 November 30, 2025 November 30, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I watched Poop Cruise last night, and holy fuuuuck! I will never, in my time on this earth, go on a Carnival cruise. They had known and repetitive issues with a number of their vessels! How they didn’t see this as a YUGE liability, I don’t know. If they had, they would have bloody fixed it, don’t you think? I do believe that’s one of the grossest non-fiction things I’ve seen….probably because being surrounded by other people’s waste is (or has become since watching that) one of my worst nightmares! 🤮

Watched The Ritual as well, which is a great example of the Folk Horror genre I love so much. I saw it before, a long time ago, so it was time for a rewatch. I didn’t remember how fucking terrifying the Pagan forest god. monster thing was. Good job to the maniac that designed that horrible thing. Good freaking job. I’ll see that shit in my dreams 😅 really though, I wish I was that creative with monster designs! I’ve made attempts but they always turn out really lame. I love me a narsty monster, so here is my Nasty Monsters Pinterest board 😂 it’s a subsection of the Horror board but right there at the top. Definitely not as large as I’d prefer, maybe I should work on adding more. If you want to peruse more gross stuff, have a look at my Creepy Board!

I used to stay up all night pinning things on that site and was so picky about my boards. Aesthetically, they had to be JUST RIGHT. Then I realised I had one billion too many boards and archived a lot. I’ll fix that. There are too many good ones not to show. Just have a look at my whole collection.


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Nov 29 2025 November 29, 2025 November 29, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I’m at my parents. I brought Oscar with me, so my uncle took me to petsmart to get a cheap litter box, litter, and some food. I came home, set up all my crap etc. I can’t tell if Oscar and Lucy even remember another, they haven’t really interacted much. Their neighbour is supposed to come by and take Lucy out, but it’s 11pm and he hasn’t come yet. I cannot let this dog shit on my parents floor. Edit a few minutes later: I was wrong, they’re booping noses!

I’m sitting here on their HATEFUL ASS COUCH…I call it hateful because it destroys my neck, but I don’t know where else to go. I’m about to watch either Poop Cruise or The Ritual. Don’t know which. Dammit I am SO sore!

Dad isn’t getting a biopsy until fuckin Monday! What are they doing? That’s wasted time!

I have no idea what I’m gonna do tomorrow. I might text Christie to see if she has any free time. I know she’s probably sick of my dumb face already but I’m only trying to keep sane.


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Nov 29 2025 November 29, 2025 November 29, 2025 NoComment by Eden

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I met the sweetest puppy last night. Christie had to pick up her daughter’s two dogs from a dog sitter on the way back, so of course I said “OMG CAN I HOLD ONE” so I was given a little blonde long haired dachshund to cuddle. I didn’t know long haired dachshund’s existed. It was like discovering long haired chihuahuas exist a couple of years ago. Such a pointy lil beak too! After licking my face a bunch, she settled into a baby position and I gave her scratches and pets. Very, very affectionate little dog. I’m beginning to think my golden retriever might have to wait until I’m a homeowner (or renting a house that allows animals) because of the the silly, arbitrary 20lb weight limit at my apartment complex. This dog is probably lighter than Oscar, and he’s lost nine pounds. Perfect weight! I’m looking into breeders and average costs.

I had a dachshund when I was a kid. He was a menace, I must say. I named him Andy after this kid from school, not because I liked him or anything, I just liked the name Andy. He was a typical looking German dachshund breed, black and that reddish colouring that a number of German breeds seem to have (pinschers?  Rottweilers, dachshunds, all of which we’ve had at some point over 40 years, come to mind) and he was VERY cute despite having some uh…issues. Like pissing down the air vents and indirectly killing my bunny… He also stuck his whole ass tongue in my mouth when I dared open it while sitting down playing with him, but yeah. My parents gave him away after the bunny incident, because it really was gruesome and horrible. My parents disappeared a few of my dogs and one cat, actually…didn’t bother to warn me beforehand. *coughdickmovecough* Even then, I thought I might want another dachshund someday.

I have looked at a couple of ads for puppies but they were expensive as hell. I need some kind of side hustle to save up money.

So… they STILL haven’t done dad’s biopsy! It was supposed to be today. He got really out of his head earlier in the morning and I’m assuming that’s why. I really don’t care about that. Sedate the man and do the gd thing already!! Get his treatment started so he can come home! They still have time to do it, they do this stuff 24/7 there.

My uncle is coming to get me around 5:30 to take me to get some things. I’m going to stay at my parents until and maybe a couple days after mom comes home. I’m taking Oscar with me, so I need to get him a cheap litter box, some decent litter and enough food for the next few days. I’ve been trying to pack, had no idea I required this amount of shit to survive comfortably. I’ve got a trash bag and a bunch of grocery bags full already, and I’m not quite done. I got tired and had to sit. I hope I don’t forget anything vital, as I often do.

I got an email from VampireFreaks that one pair of shoes I ordered (and paid for with Klarna, they better work that out with them is all I gotta say.) is out of freaking stock! They were the Goth Winklepicker (aka “roach killers” that came into fashion in the 60s lol) types that I ALWAYS have terrible luck with. First ones I ordered back in the early 2010s were Demonia. I ordered black vegan leather. I instead got a very shiny patent leather something or other pair. I was annoyed, but okay. The “patent leather” started chipping off soon after. The hell?? Those were on sale, I got them for $99 on Amazon and I have no idea why I didn’t make a return. 🙄 The second pair, I got from an Etsy store. They are London-based cobblers and are very talented. I gave them my measurements and got my winklepickers some time later. They were so beautiful and well made, but…there was no side zip. Just buckles. Also, I had the worst time jamming my foot into those, I had to have help. The buckles didn’t want to, you know, BUCKLE. I don’t really blame this on them. I might not have given them the height of my foot, because I am a chonk and my feet are a bit higher on top. One of the reasons I always go up two sizes. I figure my best bet is the, I won’t call it “fast fashion” because it’s fucking EXPENSIVE…but my best bet are a more “accessible” pair that have a side zipper and are more likely to fit easily on my feet. Even the Demonia’s fit fine, they were just shite. I’m glad I got to support a small business though, and maybe if I lose a lot more weight they’ll fit better and I can put them on without injuring myself…Anyhoo, I chose the option of  VampireFreaks store credit instead of a refund. Thought I might have seen a sort of similar pair in the shoe section. I adore these shoes, but I’m a bit fed up at this point. The universe doesn’t want me to have Winklepickers, I fear. They do have oldschool goth pikes but I don’t remember if elevens were in stock. Wish they’d hurry up with that store credit…they didn’t say how to request either so I just replied to the email.

I did contact Killstars customer service about what size of the Sable Riot trousers would fit. The answer I got was very wish washy. Basically “Fit is a personal thing, it depends on what you want, so unfortunately we can’t recommend a size.” ….my dudes. All I wanted was a bloody sizing chart that lists the waist measurements. That’s literally all. She also said there are size charts on most product pages. WHERE? I looked everywhere on the page for those pants. There wasn’t one, I felt like I was taking crazy pills. I asked mom if she thought I should do a 3X or 4X, she said 4 so that’s what I got. Terribly embarrassing for me, because I have never worn more than 3X in anything in my life, and on top of that, I’ve lost 30 more pounds in the last couple of years, so what the heck? I’m just gonna keep telling myself they run small. 😐

And yep, I am sick. Bleh! I feel more dried out now, but I know the river of SNOT is coming back to haunt me soon enough…


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