Nov 22 2023 November 22, 2023 November 22, 2023 2Comments by Nemi

UFO/UAP sighting

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I saw one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen the other day and completely forgot to write it down here.

I was driving with mom. Blue skies for the most part. Some clouds. I looked up and saw what could best be described as a thin vertical silver line moving horizontally toward a small cloud. It was very reflective. Oddly so. It moved behind the small cloud, and it suddenly became a prism. The cloud, I mean. It was all colors of the rainbow and seemed backlit by something. The silver line did not come out from behind the cloud again. I don’t know why I didn’t whip out my phone like 95% of people would have. Maybe I was caught up in the moment because I didn’t even consider it. I don’t think the phone would have caught it well anyways. The line was too thin. It would have looked like a weird sparkle. I wish I could have caught it somehow because it was so insane. I have never seen anything like that.

I want to believe! 👽🛸


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Nov 21 2023 November 21, 2023 November 21, 2023 5Comments by Nemi

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Dad came over and hooked up the ps2. I thought maybe I could do it myself, but nope. The wireless controller I bought came today, and it does not work with that console. I then wondered how a ps2 would support a wireless ANYTHING since it’s so old, ancient even. Idk. The listing on Amazon said it was compatible. I ordered the wired one and will probably return this one which is a shame because it looks really cool. 😕

I had to get a cheap Roku tv today. I was lying in bed trying to sleep at about 5am last night and the tv in the living room starts screeching like a banshee. It usually happens about that time but it stops after a while. Well, it did not stop. Screeching, high pitched ringing (the worst!) and weird noises I can’t explain were coming out of it. I got up and restarted the entire system. It came back on and was quiet, so I went back to bed. It started screeching again so I got up and tried turning it off. It would not turn off. Wtf? So I had to find whatever stupid plug it used and just unplug the damn thing. Then I was able to get some sleep. Also I punched it like four times because I have an anger problem ☺️

I should note that this tv monitor has been on its last leg for months and it was a matter of time before it crapped out on me. I like my little Roku tv, it’s the same one that’s in my game/art room. The tv monitors I’ve had before were all hand-me-downs from my parents, so they were already kinda old. I’m not surprised at all that it finally died.

I put a bunch of my fanlistings up for adoption because I am trying to downsize. I feel judged by the category staff both at tfl and tafl for having a lot of them (because I love a lot of things!) and I feel like they overlook me 95% of the time if another person has applied for the same one I did. I never get it. I applied for the Markers fl, and I know other people will too. I’m an artist. I love markers. I might even be obsessed with them. But will I be approved for the fanlisting? Snowballs chance in hell. 😅 Sometimes I wonder if they just don’t like me 😂

 


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Nov 09 2023 November 9, 2023 November 9, 2023 4Comments by Nemi

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I wish I had a best friend. A ride-or-die. I don’t have anyone like that in my life and never really have. I thought at one point that I had a best friend but it was actually a toxic relationship that effectively squashed my self esteem. It would be nice to have someone who I could confide about anything in. I barely trust anyone so that would be…amazing. I never really trusted most of my friends because they would go through all my stuff even though I asked them not to, I mean my sketchbooks, my computer files, everything. I have really strong boundaries because of that, no one is allowed in my personal things unless I specifically give them permission and that never happens. No one is allowed to use my laptop but me. No one can see my sketchbook unless I decide they can. The trust is just gone.

I built up walls around myself taller than the ones in Attack on Titan 😆 No one has tried to breach them and I don’t know if anyone ever will.

sigh. Just thinking about this after seeing a video about friendship on YouTube…made me feel sad.


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Nov 07 2023 November 7, 2023 November 7, 2023 NoComment by Nemi

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You know you’re at least in your thirties when you have a bag of cords and cables that you have no idea what they’re for. I can’t find my PS2 cables and controller. This is SO irritating. I just want to hook the damn thing up but there it sits, on my desk, all alone with no fucking cables or controller. Why do I let this happen? I should have learned to keep everything organized by now but I apparently have not. Dammit!

I still don’t know why I write about this stuff, no one cares, but I do, so…bleh!

I need dad again to help me hang posters because I can’t reach the freakin wall over my dresser. I hate being 5’2”. It really is a pain in the ass. I’d much rather be like 5’6” or 5’7”. That’s tall enough. I saw a short documentary on this dude who was a short king, as they call them, but he was really insecure about it and had bone lengthening surgery to make himself about 4 or 5 inches taller. I’d do that. Totally. I hate being short that much lol. I’m all for cosmetic surgery if it makes someone happy or makes them feel better about themselves.

Well…that’s all I have to say tonight. Have a good one, internet. 👍


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Nov 04 2023 November 4, 2023 November 5, 2023 NoComment by Nemi

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It appears I lost my mind and the PS4 does NOT play 1 & 2 games! That’s ridiculous, as much as it costs, it should be backwards compatible. I thought I researched this shit before I bought it. In fact I know I did. I guess I got trolled. /sigh.  Gotta hook up the 2 which is backwards compatible.

I don’t even know why I’m writing about this, bored I guess.

Edit at 2am: is it weird that I can’t stand the smell of the water in my building? It smells of an artificial chemical, like bleach or chlorine. I hate to wash my face with it because then I really have to smell it. It’s not so bad in the shower, but out of the faucet….so gross. I think I should get a water filter. 🤢


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Nov 02 2023 November 2, 2023 November 2, 2023 NoComment by Nemi

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I got my gaming floor chair today and put it in the art room. It’s pretty awesome, I made a good choice 👍

I got out Sonic 2 and popped it in the GameCube, and I should note that I have played this game since I was a kid, probably thousands of times and know the levels by heart. Well I suddenly suck at it. I don’t know if I’m just rusty or wtf happened but I cannot get past one of my favorite levels (chemical plant zone 2 for you Sonic nerds out there) I keep drowning! The heck? I quit lol Also one of the games I got off EBay (a motocross one) isn’t working, the PS4 won’t recognize the disc. That’s annoying. I really wanted to do some racing. I’m pretty sure PS4 supports 1 and 2 games…or am I losing my mind. That’s entirely possible too haha


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Oct 31 2023 October 31, 2023 October 31, 2023 NoComment by Nemi

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Happy Halloween!! 🎃


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Oct 28 2023 October 28, 2023 October 28, 2023 NoComment by Nemi

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I’ve found a new thing to watch on YouTube. Bread making ASMR videos! I’ve been wanting to try to make my own bread for a while now and decided to watch some cozy baking videos for inspiration. I love bread. My favorite is sourdough and French bread, and any crusty bread I can dip in olive oil. Heavenly. 🤤

I found a channel called ‘Peaceful Baking’ and was watching his videos. Not just the bread ones, but also pastries like danishes and croissants. I really had no idea how much effort goes into making a loaf of bread or a croissant. I was amazed at the use of butter in croissants, there’s a whole sheet of it sandwiched between the dough layers. That’s why they’re so buttery and flaky. I learned a lot by watching. Now I’m really inspired to make my own.

I used to make pies and cakes but got out of the habit because I didn’t have the energy to do it anymore. I never made any (good lol) bread…I tried to make blueberry bread at 3am one morning because I was bored, but it was gross, to me at least. Not at all what I was expecting it to be. Maybe the next time will be different since it’s a completely different type of bread. That was supposed to be a sweeter bread, which I discovered isn’t my favorite.

So I just spent several paragraphs talking about bread. I’m a really exciting person 😆


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Oct 27 2023 October 27, 2023 October 27, 2023 NoComment by Nemi

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Proud to report that I have so far not eaten or drank anything too sugary since I got out of the hospital. 👍

Otherwise…I feel like I’m having an existential crisis of sorts. I’ve been witnessing all the cruelty and hate in the world and it’s so much worse than I’ve ever seen it be in my life. Just, the pure HATRED I’ve seen is enough to rattle my psyche. WW3 looming over our collective heads isn’t helping either.

I’ll give an example. I saw a video of these two kids in a car. They ran over a man on a bike purely for fun. His body hit and broke the windshield and they laughed while he laid there and died. Then I saw another where they were in court, they were laughing and flipping off the guy’s family.

What even IS life when people like this exist? What kind of parent raises an empty shell of a human filled with ignorance and sociopathy? And it’s not just that. I see stories and often videos of people, especially teenagers, doing the most horrible, horrible stuff. It’s like a never ending stream of pure fucked up.

I’ve just been questioning “why”. Why do we exist if this is how we’re going to act? If someone or something intelligent created us, why did they do it if we were going to turn out like this? What is the god damned POINT?

Sometimes I’ll see someone do an act of good and think “Well, we’re not completely irredeemable after all.” but unfortunately that feeling doesn’t last long. I’ll see another horrible thing and fall back into my usual misanthropy.

I dunno, it’s just worse than ever and is actually affecting my life in a negative way. That’s never really been the case before. I could compartmentalize it effectively.

I just feel a general sense of disgust and disappointment. I wish it would go away.


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Oct 24 2023 October 24, 2023 October 24, 2023 1Comment by Nemi

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I have lost 21lb since September 😲 I really wasn’t expecting that. I am at 227 pounds now. I’m happy though, obviously. I just feel fat and don’t really feel any less fat than before, so I was confused.

Now I have to go to the cardiologist again, which I did a little while back, and do the stress test. I really don’t want to but the ER doctor said my EKG showed “abnormal q waves” which indicates a previous heart attack. Or something. And I have scarring at the bottom of my heart? What even? The visit for the stress test takes so long and it’s boring and most of the time spent is sitting in the waiting room. Boo.

Dad came over and helped me with setting up the TV in the art/game room. He hooked up the PS4, Sega Genesis mini and the GameCube which is older than some highschoolers lol It still works too, gotta look for some of those old games. I can’t find the old Dreamcast I got a couple years ago. Guess I’ll continue searching 😅

 

 


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